I thought I would start a relationship thread. I don't know about any of you, but I definitely have a hard time with relationships. It has been a struggle with me a lot of my life to maintain a healthy balance within relationships. I mean by that to not make phone calls to people too many times, expect or need too much, lose my temper, etc.
I have had relationship issues with people spanning from my landlord and former employer to nosy neighbor and close friend. I seem to have a problem with assertiveness, I feel funny stating my opinion at times because I am afraid of the possible anger that may develop. Instead of being assertive, sometimes I will be either aggressive and get angry, lose my temper and raise my tone of voice or be passive, not say anything at all and then stew at home, silently, anger brewing.
Can anyone else relate to any of this or anything similar? What helps you? I take my meds and I go to therapy, although I am so tired of both!
I wonder what it is like to be normal, or without the psychological issues that I have, I just wonder.
I keep people out of my life on purpose, relationship wise. I'm just not ready.
I have one good friend, so not a lot. I don't know why I don't have more? Many of my old close friends have moved away. I know there is nothing wrong with me. I have friends at my work but not real close ones. I guess I have always been this way, never more than one or two close friends, even in school.
Seabiscuit - relationships are hard but worth the effort when you find a good friend & have someone you know you can always rely on.
As far as people in my life that I have to deal with - timing is everything.
If I have an issue that I know has to be dealt with I choose a time when I am calm & also they are approachable. No sense dealing with angry people, nothing gets solved.
When I have a problem I write down the points I need to get across & I have found for the most part, people are reasonable when approached properly.
But when I have the same problems with same people, time for an exit for that friendship.
Also something to remember that peoples future behaviour is based on their past behaviour.
I definitely have a hard time with relationships-romantically, family, and with friends. As I get older I realize that its only getting worse.
People have described me as "hard to love." I'm pretty outgoing, funny, and smart. But when I let people in I can be very demanding of their time and life. I also expect a lot from them and become deeply offended when I'm not their number one priority. I've had a lot of friendships end because of this and I've never had a serious long term romantic relationship-I would say my longest was about two months.
I think for me it stems back to the relationship I had with my parents. I never wanted to be that person that blames my parents for her problems but I have a pretty horrible relationship with both of them. I can't help but think this has to be why I have trouble with relationships now.
The only thing that seems to help now is learning to love myself. By getting healthy and taking care of myself I find I'm a happy person and am more understanding. I'm not perfect-I'm currently not speaking to a guy I've been dating for a few weeks because of a fight. But I'm getting better. Just know you are not alone!
Last edited by NYFLAgirl : 06-11-2013 at 10:24 AM.
Hello all. I have a difficult time building lasting relationships, especially with the opposite sex. My depression has a lot to do with this.
I believe that I'm so used to being hurt that now, sometimes, I push people away. I don't mean to do it but I'm sure it's a defense mechanism. I can be very "detached" and seem to sometimes want people to "prove" that they want me in their life, which I know is not healthy. I think I've gotten a little better, since I've gotten a handle on my depression, but I've still got work to do.
And the opposite sex - how much time do we have? I've been single for ten years. Yes, I've dated, but I can't seem to keep a guy around for more than two months.
I'm just trying to keep my head up and remain positive, in the meantime - and work on my issues.
At 29, i am still single because i am like you also. I couldn't handle a relationship that will last longer than 6 months. I don't know if am too scared to be attached to someone and to commit myself fully or it's because of what my family experienced. I came from a broken family, my older brother had a divorce and my sister wants a divorce as well.
I seem to have a problem with assertiveness, I feel funny stating my opinion at times because I am afraid of the possible anger that may develop. Instead of being assertive, sometimes I will be either aggressive and get angry, lose my temper and raise my tone of voice or be passive, not say anything at all and then stew at home, silently, anger brewing.
Yup. My natural tendency is to be like this. HOWEVER, you actually can change this, because I did. It's still not natural to me, and when I'm faced with confrontation my heart beats like crazy and I'm super nervous.
But what I do before I confront someone is pick 1-2 key things that I have a problem with - keep in mind though, these 1-2 key things have to come from an authentic place, not a place of anger. Speak slower than normal - this helps me immensely. Come from a place of compassion towards the other person, no matter how angry you are at them.
These little tricks have helped me so much. And I found that the scariest thing about confrontation is usually what you IMAGINE their response to be. Expect the unexpected, it usually goes way better than you feared it would...
__________________ "There is simply no way for the scale to accurately measure the most beautiful part of your spirit".