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How do you love yourself?

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Old 06-03-2013, 08:58 PM   #1
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Default How do you love yourself?

I'm a normal weight person and I hate my face and body.. I'm very sensitive about my look and what others think about me. I can't look myself in the mirror because it's depressing. Especially I look so ugly when I go outside and see my reflection in a shop window. If I see beautiful people on the street it makes me feel even worse. I feel so worthless and I'm afraid to go outside.

I admire fashion models but unfortunately i'm not tall or pretty, so I want to have a slim body like them at least. After a few months of diet and exercise, my body fat percentage went from 22% to 14%, there was no big difference in my lower body though. At that time I had an obsession with losing weight (I haven't overcome it completely) so I eventually got tired and decided to take a rest. I put on some weight now and I've started to work out since last month. I don't want to push myself too much so it's not as intense as before.

How do you manage to keep your self-confidence when you're around beautiful people? I've tried really hard to love the way i am, but my life is so pitiful compared to movie stars or fashion models.
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Old 06-03-2013, 09:18 PM   #2
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First, I don't idolize models or celebrities at all. Personally, I would NEVER want that kind of life. I don't want to be famous. I want my privacy. I want people to want to know me for ME, not for what I represent.

Second, I've come to realize that when I compare myself to anyone else, I can always find *something* to make myself feel worse. Anytime I get on facebook, I feel like 1) my job isn't fulfilling, 2) I'm poor, 3) I'm boring, 4) my relationship isn't perfect, and 5) I'm not exercising RIGHT NOW, therefore, I suck. Using others as a basis for YOUR feelings is how people end up bullied...someone needs to feel better about themselves, so they lash out to make others feel worse. You are doing the opposite; using others to judge YOUR life. You don't know where they have been or what they had been through. I'm sure every model, actress, celebrity, etc, has their own list of struggles. You only see the glamorous side.

How do I love my less than perfect self? It took a lot of time and it took growing up. It took realizing that I am SOOOOOOO much more than a body. I am smart. I am funny. I am ambitious. I am loving. I am a great friend. I am attractive, no matter what my size. I still have things on my body I want to change. I could list them all...but you know what? I'm me.

I also love my body, and THAT took the most time of all. It took loosing weight (overweight to normal...not rock solid, not skinny, but normal). It took strength training. It took shoulder muscles coming out and abs showing under the belly fat and tricep definition. It took being able to run a mile without stopping. It took being able to wear a pair or shorts (even though my thighs still touch), and not giving a rat's @$$ that they jiggle. It took realizing that I will never be the most beautiful woman, or the thinnest, or the strongest...but I will be ME, and I will be the best me that I am in that moment. And that ME...is pretty darn awesome.

YOU are awesome, too. You have things that make you beautiful and things that make you odd. You have things to improve and things that are amazing. You have struggles and you have successes. Starting looking at your life for YOU, not compared to others.
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Old 06-03-2013, 09:38 PM   #3
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If you take off the fancy clothing and all that makeup and hair extensions you'd find models and movie stars look just like anyone else. What you see on the movie screen or in a magazine is fake.
Why do you want to look like them? Be you, if those that matter love you and think your beautiful, that's all that should matter to you.
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:12 PM   #4
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At 75 I don't look near as good as I did at 25, but I'm the same person inside and I LIKE me. Those movie stars and models are just people like you and me, they have just as many faults. Maybe even more.
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Old 06-04-2013, 10:42 AM   #5
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I definitely avoid the mags about celebs. I am a tumblr addict and have subscribed to feeds about plus sized fashion, fat and body acceptance. I do the same with my blogger and youtube account. I still have major self-esteem issues, but I have begun to accept myself for who I am with the help of a therapist.
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Old 06-07-2013, 02:46 PM   #6
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I won't even open fashion magazines! I read a survey somewhere that within the first 12 seconds a woman opens up a fashion magazine, her self esteem drops by 60%. I don't want to add to my struggle like that. Even though this may not alter your perception of your body, I think you have a beautiful body. People that pass you on the street probably think so, too.
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Old 06-07-2013, 03:16 PM   #7
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Outer "Beauty" is transient, inner beauty ripples out into the world long after our number is up...choose which beauty to value. Be proud of the example you set with your good health, value your kindness, do things for others...practice valuing true beauty and put down the magazines and turn off the shows that idolize transient beauty because ultimately, a "pretty" face and a "flawless" body are worthless when you consider their affect of the world.
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Old 06-09-2013, 10:10 AM   #8
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Do not ever compare yourself to someone else. You will never win. Just be yourself and be the best person you can be. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are built lovely!!!!!! I would killlllll to be built like you.
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Old 06-09-2013, 11:44 AM   #9
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I just watched a documentary, America the Beautiful on Netflix... This is right up your alley Cindii. In particular, watch the beautiful child model discuss how "fat and ugly" she is. It is an eye opener. Also, watch the part where they take a very ordinary looking woman, and then put make up on her, and then "morph" her into a super model look with the computer...and then realize they do that with all the cover shoots on all the magazines. None of them are REAL! I sometimes worry more about what this is doing to men more than women. They interviewed men who say they can't find any women who look like those models...well, duh! They are fake. It is so sad.
I find it very reassuring to go out into a busy public place and see all the couples holding hands and obviously in love with each other, in spite of love handles, bald heads (men mostly), acne, weirdly shaped noses, stick- outs ears, you name it, we are an imperfect species. But what makes us so wonderful is our ability to see past our little flaws and love each other for who we really are as individuals. Dearest Cindii, what you look like in this world is not important. It's what you do in this world that counts. Turn off the TV, throw away the magazines, and be grateful for all the wonderful gifts we have been given. When I am really down, I think about all we have. Some days I just say, thank heavens for toilets that flush!!
Sorry, I do not mean to sound preachy, but as an older woman, I hate seeing what our modern media is doing to people's self esteem, all for big bucks. It is so pointless.
Not too long ago I read about a woman who threw away all her mirrors, and refused to look in one when she was out of her house. Her self esteem went up considerably. And there was a time in history before mirrors were invented.
Did the cave women turn to her cave man husband and ask, "does this fur cover make me look fat"? Ok, I will quit ranting now - bbp
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Old 06-09-2013, 03:34 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyndii View Post

How do you manage to keep your self-confidence when you're around beautiful people? I've tried really hard to love the way i am, but my life is so pitiful compared to movie stars or fashion models.

I think it's a tough thing to do, especially with how we're bombarded with "perfect" airbrushed models all the time.

I remind myself that I can always find someone prettier than me, and someone uglier. When I pass someone who I think looks better than me, I remind myself, well if I make some small changes (haircut, makeup, dressup) I know I would look a bit better. I may never look prettier than the prettiest woman, but I'm not helpless.
There's lots of bad things that come with being the "hot" chick by the way.

Did you know researchers have done studies and found models have abnormally low self esteem?
Did you know researchers have found men prefer shorter women?

The things we think would make us happy, wouldn't.
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Old 06-12-2013, 02:00 PM   #11
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How do you manage to keep your self-confidence when you're around beautiful people? I've tried really hard to love the way i am, but my life is so pitiful compared to movie stars or fashion models.

Hmmm. Are you maybe saying two different things? First you say your self-esteem is hard to keep up around these "Perfectos", but I notice you end up saying your life is so pitiful compared. Physical appearance is one thing and your life is another. I'm thinking it hurts when you make the one equal to the other.

When my profession and relationships [that is my actual life] are going well, I feel more confident around people and less put off by unusually beautiful people.

It also helps to remember that those beautiful people on the magazine covers we see in the grocery check-out line are in the magazines because their very messy lives make juicy reading! They all look like they're full of turmoil and drama--who needs it?

Hugs to you! spanky
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:57 PM   #12
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I'm twenty, and until this year I hated myself for 19 years.

I never had a good relationship, by the way I've only had 1. I've only lost a significant amount of weight once, and it wasn't healthy how I lost it. From elementary through high school I was constantly bullied for being over weight and "ugly". And I always believed the people who made it their mission to put me down.

Until this year. Now I know it might seem cliche but the only way to be beautiful is if you feel beautiful. Confidence is the most attractive thing there is. If you constantly put yourself down, the people around will think it's ok and do the same. My facial features have been the same since forever, and now all of a sudden when I don't care what people think of me, hordes of people seem to want to get to know me because I give off the vibe that I'm the ****. And that's because I am.

You have to own it, no matter what shape, size, or color you are. I bet your amazing, and so do the people you hang with. And if you and the people who love you for you think your amazing, screw what every other hater thinks of you.
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:13 PM   #13
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I don't. I hate myself so much, I don't think anyone else could possibly love me or care about me either. I start therapy again next month so maybe this one will be able to help me with that.
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Old 06-22-2013, 06:52 PM   #14
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I don't love my inside or outside self.
I'm guessing that is you, you posted a pic of? Your body is beautiful.
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Old 06-26-2013, 07:53 PM   #15
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I guess you have to love who you are and not your physical self. I don't know if that makes any sense at all??? I love myself. I love my sense of humor. I love how sensitive I am. I love how I figure things out. I love how smart I am. I love how inquisitive I am. I love how much I enjoy my hobbies. None of these things have anything to do with my physical body. I love myself and I do wish I wasn't sick. I would change that about myself. I'd take away my anxiety and bi-polar but other than that I love pretty much everything about myself.
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