I have been losing motivation lately.
Usually when I start a goal I back off / forget / give up after a few days / hours of defining it. For whatever reason losing weight has actually been on track for me for quite some time - I lost ~ 5#/week for a few weeks, but lately I haven't been feeling up to it. I have emotional-eaten a lot less lately, prefer clean eating, etc. and I walk at least 2 miles / day. But I feel like I can't take that next step and subsequently I'm plateauing.
I know that the next step is more exercise and less slip ups (still haven't completely broken old habits) but I feel like there is no point to continuing my improvement. Sometimes I look back on my life and remember when I was a lot thinner how unhappy and alone I still was/felt. And I worry that if I lose weight I won't have anything else to blame my feelings on.
I feel really uncomfortable around other people. I don't want to feel "seen" but I don't want to waste what little time I have left as a young person. I missed out on a lot when I was in HS and in college and now I wonder if there is anything left socially to do that being slim would even be beneficial for
. I just don't know what to do at this point.
What if there really is nothing better out there for me?
I feel like I am giving up my old security blanket but I don't have anything else to feel secure with. When I got anxious or sad in the past I used to just curl up with a comforter and watch something and eat. Now I just curl up and cry. I miss my old friend but I know I can't go back to the way things are.
That's it, I guess. Good night.