[Bloopers]

where I would have to post in this section of the forum. A little back story - I went from 160 pounds to roughly 144 pounds within a few months by eating healthy and I was happy at that point. For a few weeks, the weight wouldn't come off so I maintained. Maintained I did, and for several months, I was at that weight. Well a few weeks ago I decided to start dieting again to get some more pounds off.. well it wouldn't come off. Out of desperation and being depressed about how fat I thought I was and not fitting the clothes I want to fit, I started to stop eating - still ate, but basically starved myself. I lost about 8-9 pounds within 2 weeks and I'm standing at around 133ish now. I know it's not a healthy way to lose weight so I told myself I would start eating again. Here's the problem : today I decided to have a cheat meal, so I went to checkers to order some food. I ate the meal and I felt SO bad about it afterwards that I went to my bathroom and started forcing myself to throw it all up. It was hard to make it all leave my system, but I managed it by Googling up some ways to make the food come back out. I'm disgusted that I can't even have a cheat meal without feeling horrible and going to such an extent just to lose some pounds. I don't feel like putting another thing inside my mouth now and feel like people see me for the number on my scale. I'm just scared that I'm setting myself up for self-destruction... I need help please..

[NorthernChick13]

I am so sorry you are hurting right now, but I'm proud of you for reaching out!

I hear you. I've been there. I did the same thing for a short time in high school. But you know what I learned? I learned that what I wanted and craved, more than anything, was a healthy body. I thought that meant skinny, but with the help of loved ones around me, I began to understand that eating healthily is much more beneficial for me than binging and purging. I also started to see the importance of healthy mind and soul as well. My best friend, who I still love dearly to this day, saved me. She never let me leave to go to the bathroom without her, and she was able to love me when I wasn't quite ready to.

We will do everything we can to support your beautiful, wonderful self here on 3FC, but I wonder if there is someone in your life than can be your anchor? It could be a colleague, sister, professional, friend, anything. It's hardest to take care of ourselves and it's okay to recruit a little back up when necessary.

You'll get through this I know you will.

[shcirerf]

You are not the only one!

Take a breath, reaching out is the first step!

I would, find a good therapist.

You have realized that this is not a beneficial behavior.

Don't beat your self up, don't feel bad. A lot of us have been in situations, while not exactly yours, have the same mentality.

Take another breath, relax! Spend whatever time it takes, to find someone, professional to help you. There is nothing wrong with that!

In the meantime, we're always here!

[thegoodvegan]

NorthernChick13 has some good points! It takes time to learn to love yourself, just like it takes time to lose weight. These things don't happen over night. Do you do yoga? Have you ever tried it? Yoga has helped me a lot in learning to love myself and accept myself the way I am. You should try it out You'll be ok! Getting help is the best thing you can ever do for yourself. You'll thank yourself you did

We're all here for you!

[ladykahlo]

I agree with everyone who posted on here.
I would emphasize very strongly that you find a therapist. You can find one through your insurance website. Or you can google for counseling centers in your area or google eating disorders in your area.
Other than that, you could check out books at the library or google for websites were you can get advice (not just from 3fc). But be careful about that website too.
No one else sees you for your weight numbers. I think you see yourself that way.
I'm sorry if I am coming off as harsh.
Last thing, DO NOT punish yourself or feel guilty for this. Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you cared about. You wouldn't tell them "oh you crazy fattie why do you do gross things like that" etc etc but you would probably be kinder to them....so why not be kinder to YOURSELF.
We're all here to support you. You've realized there is a problem and you're working on it.