You are not the only one!
Take a breath, reaching out is the first step!
I would, find a good therapist.
You have realized that this is not a beneficial behavior.
Don't beat your self up, don't feel bad. A lot of us have been in situations, while not exactly yours, have the same mentality.
Take another breath, relax! Spend whatever time it takes, to find someone, professional to help you. There is nothing wrong with that!
In the meantime, we're always here!
3+ year maintainer.
The human body is capable of amazing things! But without the mind, it is nothing. Get your mind in gear and the body will follow!
Be selfish about caring for yourself, you deserve it!
Weight Watcher leader! But always a Member first!