I admit, I am way out of place in this thread, but, seriously punishing yourself will serve no purpose.
You can punish yourself all you want, the thing is, no one else is going to know, so what good is that?
A couple of tips, quit trying to sound feminine. While there is nothing wrong with being feminine/female, some times ya gotta stand up and growl/yell! Sit at what would be the head of the table, if you have something to say, STAND UP! Stand on the table if you have to, but take control of the situation!
At one time in my life, I was the head of a safety committee at work, I was a lowly production floor worker, but yet I was head of this group. We had a corporate knot head, who thought, as a new hire, he was going to come in and take over. Thankfully, at the time I had a great college professor that I was taking a supervisory management class from. So I asked my professor to help me regain control of the safety team.
The things he told me were, take the head of the table, stand up, be vocal, be loud, stand on the chair, if that does not work, stand on the table! He said, what ever happens always be in a position that puts you height wise above everyone around you!
It does work, it does take practice, and dang, the first time or two I did it, I thought I was probably going to get fired or drop over dead from fear!
I'm still here! And stronger and better than ever! You can do "it" whatever "it" is!