Hi guys, I'm pretty new here. I have never been diagnosed with depression but suspect I have it as I've been symptomatic for a long time and mental illness runs pretty prevalent in my family (My Grandpa committed suicide in his 30s)
Anyway, I started Weight Watchers and I was doing great on it for 2 weeks, the choice to join ww was after a break up from my boyfriend and not even in a "I'm gonna show you how hot I get.."-way but more like me realizing my weight was crippling me from leading a normal life. I was choosing a life of isolation (the big reason why the X and I broke up) rather than going out and living an abundant life the way someone my age should be.
I have honestly sabotaged any chances at loving relationships and happiness for the longest time because I feel I'm not worthy because I'm fat. It sounds stupid to say it like that but honestly how often are heavy women portrayed as successful, happy and independent rather than a walking punchline or someone undesirable and lazy.
Media and societal projections aside, *I* am so unhappy in my skin that at times I really feel I hate myself. I hate what I've become, how I've allowed it, and what it's cost me.
So..I'm really missing The Guy, so much that I think about him every 5 minutes and my heart physically feels pain, and quite sure he's just going on with his life and I'm like punishing myself, stuffing my face. Because that's what it ultimately is, isn't it? A self-dealt punishment. And I step on the scale this morning for my ww weigh in day and I'm up like 3 lbs. Holy Shiz.
I guess it's time to start over again, thanks for hearing me out guys I guess I just needed to vent.