Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
I've had depression and severe anxiety for about 12 years. I'm not gonna write my life story here, let's just say that I've been through an awful lot of ****, more than most people I know, but not as bad as some others out there in the world.
I recently moved back home after years abroad where I managed to burn myself out at work, and personally. Since I got home, which was supposed to be R&R for me, a tremendous amount of crappy things have happened. Now I find myself in a sort of awakened state of a coma. My anxiety and depression are a complete disaster, far worse than when I got back home. I can't get out of bed, my sleep pattern is all off, I fall asleep 9-12am, and wake up at 6-8pm, at which point I don't want to open my eyes anyway. Due to the anxiety I have hypochondria, claustrophobia, constantly think I'm dying for one reason or another, among other things.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I've tried counselling, a stint here and there, but never found anything or anyone who helped, tried a very short stint of SSRI's, they just made it worse.
I want so much out of life, I want to go to university, get a job I love, buy a home, meet someone, start a family or just get a dog or two, travel, meet new people, make my mark in the world and just do all the things I love.
Instead, thanks to this horrible, soul-sucking depression and anxiety, all I do is sit here and think to myself, it's gonna get better, I won't become one of those people who just sit in one place all their lives and dream, but never try.
Yet here I am, just another ambitious soul full of dreams, shackled by depression and anxiety, cursing the human mind for being capable of things like this.
To top it all off, I feel so horribly bad about my weight that I don't even want to leave the house, making it even harder to lose the weight, go to school or get that dream job, meet that great guy or travel.
If anybody has been in a similar situation and somehow got out of it, please share your story!
I was a real mess for a while with anxiety and depression. I was enrolled in school but couldn't get myself to leave the house. I didn't have a job for a few years. I woke up in the mornings and wished I could go back to sleep just to get the day over with faster. I realized my life was pretty meaningless because I was literally trying to pass the time with as much unconsciousness as possible until one day I'd be old and done with it finally and die.
I still pretty much feel that way, I just try not to think about it. I read alot (audiobooks), I watch a lot of television, I listen to a lot of podcasts. I have someone talking constantly. Basically so I don't start to think about how I hate my job, my body, my personality, and the fact that I'm single. I guess when I type it out I really don't seem better...but I'm functional now. I work full time and have my own apartment, got my degree. So...I'm passively miserable as opposed to fully engaged in soul-crushing depression?
Little by little I'm trying to make changes that make me less ashamed to be me. Its hard for anyone, but harder for those of us who have to work hard convince ourselves to even get out of bed. I wish I had better advice. I hope someone else has some. *hugs*
I'm sorry you're not feeling well either, it's horrible to be uncomfortable in ones own skin. I do the same, with tv etc always on in the background, if there's completely silence my brain goes on overload and all my phobias pop in at once and I feel horrible. When I was working it was a bit better, now that I'm not, it's downright awful all the time. If there was a pill that would fix it all I would take it, but there doesn't seem to be. I was against meds before, saw it as a short term solution to a long term problem, but now, I'd take it if it made me feel ok. Ugh, if I could just lose my excess weight I'd feel a lot better about myself and I would be able to get a job and that would make my anxiety and depression a lot better. I just need to find a way to get out of bed and down to the gym...
I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for the majority of my lifetime- I still haven't found ANYTHING that will completely take it away, but there are methods on how to deal with it.
Can you turn a part of your house into a mini gym area? I move out the coffee tables and the carpet and use my living room to work out. There's a ton of great exercise videos- for free- at YouTube and other sites that you can use- heck, pick a different video every day and see what you enjoy
I've also have incorporated yoga into my workout- especially as a cool down- where I'll either turn on the Pandora web-site (they have meditation and yoga music channels) and go through the movements I know or find a free video online.
I also have an elliptical in my apartment so that is so very helpful when I can get myself to use it. Perhaps try looking at Craiglist to find free or cheap exercise equipment.
I only recommend this because I found that even if I was depressed or anxious about something, if I have the tools around me and I feel safe in my house, then I will use those tools. I'm not there yet where I can feel safe in a gym around strangers- but I know that if I can just get into my exercise clothes and put sneakers on the tools are RIGHT THERE for me to use and that's a big help.
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Ugh, if I could just lose my excess weight I'd feel a lot better about myself and I would be able to get a job and that would make my anxiety and depression a lot better. I just need to find a way to get out of bed and down to the gym...
Be careful with thinking like that- if you lose weight, your depression will be gone or lessen. That's not necessarily true- this is a mental disease and even when I was under weight (I was modeling at the time- at around 130 lbs) I still was depressed. I find by simply exercising my depression is lessened so getting up and moving is something that might help and perhaps could be your focus- not-so-much what the scale is currently telling you.
I wish I could have an elliptical in my home, cause I much prefer that instead of treadmills or stationary bicycles, but there's no room for one in my current home. I had a stationary bike before that I never used, I have a step machine now that I never use cause it's too uncomfortable and doesn't really do anything for me either. I have a gym in the co-op I live in though, so it's very close and all, but I don't like using the elliptical if there's someone using the free weights, cause they're so close to each other, and that makes me self concious when they can see my back as they lift weights. I'm gonna try and figure out when the gym is usually empty, and start going around that time, maybe just use it for weights and do cardio outside instead.
Yes I know my depression and anxiety will not just disappear because I lose weight. Before I put on the weight, about 5-6 years ago, I was pretty fit and a size 4, and I still had anxiety and depression. But since I put all this weight on I've developed new phobias and stuff, I find it very hard to go outside and be around people for example, because I don't feel comfortable, I know I look fat and that makes me panic. I barely go out with friends anymore, not even once a month. I felt uncomfortable at work too because of it. It doesn't help either that the city I live in is very superficial, and full to the brim of slim, fit, gorgeous people, compared to other places I've lived.
I've joined one of the challenges here on 3FC, to lose weight by June, hopefully that will help spur me on to get to the gym, that will most likely make my depression and anxiety better too.
I just read your post and my heart is breaking for you. I'm guessing you're at the point I was at 2 years ago - if I'm completely wrong, disregard all of the following.
You mentioned an interest in hearing a story. Mine is not really a success story as such, but it is an improvement story. I hope it helps.
Everyday I felt like I was wasting myself and my life. What are meant to be the best years of your life and you feel exhausted, fat, anxious, depressed and just plain over it! I was there 2 years ago. I had chronic fatigue, was on the anti-anxiety and depression drug loxamine (paroxatine) which caused my appetite (and therefore my weight) to explode. It was a viscous cycle that fed itself - I'm fat so what's the point doing anything, I haven't done anything today I'm so useless etc etc. I often wondered why I was even born if it was just to suffer through everyday in my room dragging down the people who cared about me.
Of course, everyone was very keen to tell me to exercise. I knew all about how it makes you feel better, blah blah blah, but I truly didn't believe anything could make me happy.
With the beauty of hindsight, the best thing I did was be kind to myself. Some days I walked to the letterbox, some days to the corner, some days nothing. It all depended on how I felt. Sometimes I pushed myself (promising myself a can of coke/biscuit when I got back), sometimes I didn't. Every now and then I would look up a dancing exercise video on youtube and groove out. I didn't care about weight loss, I just wanted to be able to live again. Saying no to things that were too big, cutting out meat and dairy (seems massive but it turns out I was lactose intolerant so this made a huge improvement to my energy levels) and as cliché as it sounds, looking after myself mentally meant I could get out more. The more I got out, the more I thought I wasn't just a massive failure. I got weekly therapy, learnt simple stress relief techniques like learning to stop the thoughts that made me lose the plot (like, "I'm going to die" or "I'm good for nothing" etc) and I went to the doc who changed my meds to citalopram and propanalol (beta-blocker), which is a winning combo for me. Of course, I'm nowhere near perfect. I still have anxiety and depression and always will.
2 years later I'm 94kg (obese for my 164cm frame) and only just starting to think about weight loss. But you need to start somewhere. And finding a place where you can talk about things and feel supported seems like a damn fine place to start to me. So well done on taking the first step!
I wish I could have an elliptical in my home, cause I much prefer that instead of treadmills or stationary bicycles, but there's no room for one in my current home.
I just set myself up a standing desk, so as not to be sitting down all day, and part of that setup is a cool tiny little elliptical! Sure, the stride IS shorter than a big machine, but it's only about a foot square and I can kick it out of the way when I get tired of bouncing up and down while typing on my computer! They're on sale at overstock.com just now, about $80. I am enjoying it because I don't notice I'm exercising when I'm browsing the Internet at the same time.
Rocky - what did or didn't help in your counseling experiences? I'm sorry this has gone on for so long for you.
I have found that meditation is deeply beneficial. It's not a panacea when brain chemistry issues are involved, but even then it can be quite helpful. Sort of like with weight loss, though, it works when you commit to it. ... Sort of like with weight loss, it's taken me years of fits and starts to getting to the place of really committing to it. And the struggle never stops, but the benefits are worth it.
I have been listening to some free talks on mindfulness from Gil Frondsal that have been deeply helpful to me. Maybe listen to one and see what you think? http://www.audiodharma.org/teacher/1/?page=2 - "Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation 1" if you're interested in taking a look. Can't hurt, anyway, right?
Spirit says yes, head and body say no
