I am extremely depressed. I hate the way I look, I'm trying to lose weight but it's really difficult. I'm negative and no one wants anything to do with me. I don't have friends. I have a fiance but he's ready to break up with me because he doesn't want to hear me talk about how I hate myself. Well SORRY but I do hate myself. My efforts are pointless.

Dang Girl, don't be so hard on yourself! You didn't put the weight on over night, so it won't come off over night. Try to redirect your energy into doing things that make you like yourself instead of hating on yourself. Force yourself to walk around the block when you get negative and while your out think about all the reasons your fiance fell in love with you. Chin up, keep at it, things will get better!

I think you need someone neutral to talk to, counselor, therapist, spiritual leader.

I understand being unhappy with the way you look, I feel for you, I'm not happy with aspects of myself either. I'm fat, my hair doesn't do what it wants, I have other hair issues and acne thanks to PCOS... on and on.

But losing weight isn't a cure all. Loving yourself and being at peace with yourself isn't just for skinny people or those with healthy BMIs. One way or another you will have to deal with your depression and realize it may be exacerbated by your weight but your weight is not the cause. You can take a two pronged approach and try to manage weight loss and your mental health or focus all your energy on being the happiest you can be.

We are always so much harder on ourselves than we need to be. How many times do you hear people (I'm one of them!) talk about how they used to think they were SO fat and ugly when they were younger and as they get older, fatter, wiser or any combination, they realize they weren't, their perceptions were just messed up. You've got to work on your perceptions.

There is a light in the darkest of places. Be strong and for every negative thought you have about yourself replace it with something good. Even something simple, like you have a great laugh. Hang in there, it gets better.

Completely agree with the above, you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and losing weight is not the cure all. Getting healthy and fit is going to make you feel great about yourself but you have to get to the root of your anger and hatred for yourself and start there. You should love yourself, even through the hard times. I hope things get better for you!

I know it's hard but you CAN lose weight, 193 isn't that bad. I think your self-hatred goes deeper than just weight though, definitely talk to someone professional.

I agree with all comments! You should talk to a psychologists! I dont live in your stat; however, if you want a phone buddy to talk to.. I am open to talk about our weight lost together!

Most of the battle is in our heads, not with the scales or the gym. I only started to lose weight when I finally received the correct treatment for my mental health problems and I had some GOOD counselling. I had lived my life with soooo much self loathing which was not only eating up my life and energy it meant that I sought refuge in food ( and booze at one point).
The point I am trying to make is that we can only fight a battle on one front. Please speak to someone about your mood and low self esteem, then once you feel a bit better, you can then address your weight issues.
I am 46 ( today!) and it took me until May this year to reach a point where I could properly address my weight problems. Please don't waste as many years as I did.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

Why do you hate yourself?

you know what you need to do. I call it the in and out. Start looking inside of yourself for your source of unhappiness rather than your weight, and reach out to call a local counselor to get some cognitive behavioral therapy going. It helps you change your perception of yourself, and begin to change.

Just a statement about people in general...they gravitate towards things that make them happy and avoid things that bring negativity to their lives. I don't know you but I'm willing to bet that your lack of friends is due to your negative attitude. I suggest you see a psychologist and try and figure out what makes you happy. And remember, everything changes if you give it enough time. If you start therapy and make sure to do things consistently that make you happy I am sure that in a short time you and everyone who interacts with you will see a difference. You just can't be afraid of change. As for your fiancee, make a deal with him. Tell him that if he stays you will take real concrete steps to conquer your depression. Remind him of why he fell in love with you in the first place. I promise things will get better.

Wow
I hope you find some help.
Good Luck!!!

im wondering what your weight loss plan is?

maybe you could get some advice here on how to get things going a little faster/better?

as far as hating yourself, i think a lot of gals on here can understand. ive definitely been at a point where i didnt want to see anyone because i was embarrassed about the way i looked and sometimes i still feel that way about people who havent seen me since i was thin.

i KNOW its hard to try to feel positive, but maybe finding a diet plan that suits you and feeling that weight loss is possible you'll start feeling more positive.

obviously your fiance loves you. he's not upset with you because of your weight. its because you're being so down on yourself!

i also recommend seeing a therapist, but i agree with others that 193 isnt even that overweight for your height. you can get this under control!

IF you don't want him to give up on you, why are you giving up on yourself saying it's pointless? How can you be strong and fight for someone who's giving up? Something makes you care about your weight. Somewhere inside you must lie the want and belief that you will be happy with your weight someday or else you'd never have tried to lose weight. Sometimes we get a little beat down and have to fight for those good feelings. Don't give up, fight for yourself, IT IS NOT POINTLESS, this is your life and happiness at stake. You are living the only life you will have on this planet, be determined to enjoy it, whether or not your weight changes. I guarantee, your fiance's unhappiness is more about your attitude towards the person he loves than extra cushion.

I feel like I was you a few year ago, I used to say the same things and think the same things. Everything was a source of pain which ever way I looked. What I came to realise was that the things in my life weren't necessarily the cause of my pain and suffering but rather the way in which I viewed them - my perspective.

You see, even if you had the best circumstances in the world: it would STILL be a source of pain unless with a negative or unhappy outlook on things.

Much like a lot of the previous advice here, I really recommend finding someone neutral outside of your normal circle of friends and family to simply share your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes all it takes is to start talking about what is going on and that can begin the process of healing!

Stay strong! You aren't alone, you are loved and you are worth it!