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Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

Suffering from Social Anxiety disorder, depression, etc.

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Old 08-06-2012, 12:54 AM   #1
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Unhappy Suffering from Social Anxiety disorder, depression, etc.

For future reference, my BMI is 31.8, and I'm turning 16 next week.

I don't want to be noticed. I don't feel like I'm a human being. I feel as though everyone hates me, when I've never been bullied by anyone.
I even feel that my mother, sister, and best friends despise me from the core of their being.
I'm antisocial, and choose to speak to no one. It's rare now that I'll even talk to my mother.

Because I'm fat. Because I'm ugly. Because I'm stupid.

Because I'm me.

I don't understand why exactly I'm posting this here, as this is going nowhere but in a circle.

But has anyone else ever felt this way in their life? Or is it because I'm fat and deserve to feel this way?

Are there any tips to make myself feel better, to dull my mind's focus on the bitter reality that is daily life for someone like myself?
I understand that depression makes weak people like myself indulge in their primitive, repulsive gluttonous ways.

So, I need help to prevent this from happening.
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Old 08-06-2012, 02:03 AM   #2
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I,m a grandma and im so sry that you are feeling this way,if you where my granddaughter i would hug the stuffing out of you and take you to a therapist where you can vent these feelings about yourself and your life to an unbiased person and learn some coping tecniques so you dont feel so isolated,un happy and disliking your self. every person deserves to be happy,and to feel worthwhile and productive. please consider this,maybe a school counselor or your church(if you go to one) or even a trusted reative,a fmily doctor,maybe anti depressent meds might help too.. but do get some help my dear. thats the best advice i can give. hang in there. rosey
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Old 08-06-2012, 02:31 AM   #3
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you should talk to your school counselor for sure and hopefully your parents can get you into a doctor or therapist for the depression

ive always had social anxiety in some form or another...i'm extremely shy although i like to be active and go out and do things...i dont feel 100% comfortable with almost anyone and i've always been like that...i DO NOT want to be noticed...i know where that stems from but that's another story...if i could guess, i'd say that you gained weight to avoid being noticed, but i could be wrong...it was a hard mental struggle to come to terms with the attention that might come from losing weight, or being noticed in any fashion from the weight loss...it's still a struggle for me

on a side note, akrosey, where are you in AK?
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Old 08-06-2012, 03:37 AM   #4
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Girl, YOU ARE 16!! You have got your whole life ahead of you!!

Just because you feel a certain way about yourself-- does not mean other people feel this way about you (i.e. your sister, mom, friends)! You are PROJECTING the way you feel about yourself to your family and friends (i.e. you hate yourself right now so you feel they hate you too).

I am going to be honest with you. I have social anxiety (since forever) and honestly (I don't know if this is true in your case!) but my family is not much help... In fact quite the opposite... :/

If you don't feel like you can turn to your family or friends, then please turn to a counselor, trusted adult, member at your church, etc. etc. etc. This is very important, I feel you MUST see someone about this.

I wonder why you feel this way about yourself (fat, stupid, ugly)? You sound intelligent enough to me to know that these words are not synonymous to each other. Thus, being fat does not mean you are ugly; being ugly does not make you stupid; etc. etc. etc...

Maybe doing something for others would help you. Maybe joining a volunteering club at school or doing it on your own? Seeing the homeless, severely mentally ill, domestic violence victims, underprivileged children- and helping them- will give you something to start feeling good about. And maybe you will begin to see that you are much, much better off than lots of other people.

Although our society places a completely high (and ignorant) view on appearance does not mean that there are not other things in life you can not feel good about. Once you start feeling good about your other achievements and talents you may begin to see yourself differently.

Are you good at (any) sports (golf, archery, football)? Art? Reading? Writing? Gaming? Cooking? Baking? Scrap booking? Basket weaving? Photography? Spelling? The list goes on and on and on. Start focusing on things you do well instead of your shortcomings. I know it can be hard at first- but maybe your family or friends or counselor can help you.

I have learned that other people are a lot less judgmental about you than you are about yourself. And that a lot of people see all the good things about you that you find hard to see in yourself. Take it form me- I am like the worse person to give a compliment to!

As I have said, you have your whole life ahead of you, this is just the beginning of your life. Don't be so harsh on yourself.

I am *only* 27 (which may seem old to you but it's not ) and sometimes I feel like my life is over but everyone else thinks I am nuts to think that. Even my mom (46) feels that way (about going back to school for nursing, or whatever) sometimes and our neighbor across the street who is like 70 was like - yeah right, you are still young, you still have time!!! Jeez! So the truth is, every day, every hour, every minute- is a chance for you to make a new choice and exhort some type of control in your life.

Also if you don't want to indulge in foods to cheer you up or stuff your feelings don't your throat (which would be ill to advise)... I suggest perhaps doing something active, like walking for example... Do this everyday. Endorphins are good for you and are a natural remedy for depression.

Once you start exercising CONTROL in some aspects of your life, you will feel better knowing that you can CHANGE your situation.

P.S. I know first hand this is not easy. But you have taken the first steps. You have aknowledged that something is wrong. You have also 'asked' for help by posting on this board. You can do this. If you need help ask. But remember that is a sign of bravery and not of weakness. Good luck.
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Old 08-06-2012, 03:55 AM   #5
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I can't thank you all enough for posting here.

I joined here today, and I'm already in love with this site.

But just seeing so many supportive comments, being reassured like this... It doesn't seem to happen within my regular social life.
My friends have never gone through weight issues/depression or anything like that.
But now that others seem to understand...

I don't really know what to say.
I don't think anyone's ever been so nice to me.

But just thank you for boosting my morale like this.
I'm sure it seemed like I was just seeking attention, but you all opened up my eyes.
The world really isn't so bad after all, not all people are horrible.


(I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors that may have been made, I actually cried for like two hours.)

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Old 08-06-2012, 04:24 AM   #6
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Carmelwitworth,

I am so happy if anything I could say to you (or anyone else on here) could help you. That is what this site is for. To empower you, support you, and build you up. A place to discuss things with strangers who have experienced just the same-- and to share things you may not be able to tell anyone else.

I 'lurked' around this site for awhile before I really felt comfortable enough to post- but everyone on here is very wonderful and uplifting. And at the same time, they are not afraid to tell it like it is. To me, even though I really don't 'know' anyone on here- I feel like it is a big extended family.

I am thrilled that you are starting to see the world is not as bad as you think. High school is tough, I am not going to lie- it sucked for me. It is like some weird social experiment gone awry. College was much better for me, and being in the working world has made a huge difference in my life and how I see the world.

The real world has taught me there are amazing people out there... it took me awhile to find the truly fantastic people that I now call my friends and they have made a world of a difference to me.

I help people. I have a master degree in psychology. I worked at a homeless shelter for three years. I now work with the seriously mentally ill. The things that used to seem so important back in high school are not so important anymore...

I am helping people change their lives! I have a master degree in psychology! I have accomplished things not everyone has, and it feels good. I have good friends, true friends (FINALLY for the FIRST time in my life, true story!). I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me unconditionally and completely.

Yes, my weight is not where I want it right now (not even close!)... And it sucks... And sometimes I do feel EXACTLY like you do. I feel fat, and ugly,... (and my boyfriend gets upset with me because he feels these things are untrue) And I want to avoid people (not because I think they think that but because they will try to cheer me up and I hate that when I am in a mood, lol)...

But then I think about all the good things I do, have done, will do in the future... I think about how I am making little steps today. And I start to realize that these negative words are not me- they are the depression talking... And depression just wants to crush you- you must be able to know these horrible things depression makes you think of yourself and your situation are completely untrue.

People can be cruel, and horrible, and pathetic... But those people do not deserve your time. They are not on your level. And the truth is they are the minority...

All of the good, wonderful, uplifting people you meet on here will show you that. And that is who deserve to be around you- those who believe in you, love you, and support you unconditionally. Just keep looking around this site and you will find positivity, motivation, and support.

Keep the faith. The 'slogan' is true- "things will get better"- because they really do...
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♥248 - 10% BW Loss (6-9-2011)207 - 25% BW Loss 169-Bye Bye Bye Obesity 138 -50% BW Loss 140-Healthy Weight! 125 - Goal Weight!!
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Old 08-06-2012, 05:00 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carmelwhitworth View Post
For future reference, my BMI is 31.8, and I'm turning 16 next week.

I don't want to be noticed. I don't feel like I'm a human being. I feel as though everyone hates me, when I've never been bullied by anyone.
I even feel that my mother, sister, and best friends despise me from the core of their being.
I'm antisocial, and choose to speak to no one. It's rare now that I'll even talk to my mother.

Because I'm fat. Because I'm ugly. Because I'm stupid.

Because I'm me.

I don't understand why exactly I'm posting this here, as this is going nowhere but in a circle.

But has anyone else ever felt this way in their life? Or is it because I'm fat and deserve to feel this way?

Are there any tips to make myself feel better, to dull my mind's focus on the bitter reality that is daily life for someone like myself?
I understand that depression makes weak people like myself indulge in their primitive, repulsive gluttonous ways.

So, I need help to prevent this from happening.

You sound a lot like me at that age. Exactly like me, really, except I had the bullying thrown in there too.

First off, I know you're told this by a lot of people, I sure was when I was going through this (I never believed them...I really hope you can). But IT GETS BETTER. It gets better than you can possibly imagine right now.

As for ways to feel better...exercise is the best way. I was suicidally depressed from when I was 11 years old, til I was 21 or so. The ONLY time in all those years that I had a break from that, the only time I felt close to normal, was grade ten...I was on 5 different sports teams that year, and CONSTANTLY exercising one way or another. It's true, it is one of the best treatments for depression there is.

You can try the therapy route. But if you do, MAKE SURE you find a therapist you have a good rapport with. There is nothing worse than going to a therapist that you don't trust. I did this. As a result, I made zero progress. So try different therapists until you find one that you feel comfortable with. Ultra important.

A great way to improve how you think about the world and yourself, is to find a hobby, something you can do well, that you enjoy. Little victories. If you can find one thing about your life that you enjoy, that isn't bad, then you can build on it. It takes time, and work, but it really can help.


Stay. Do your best. Try to accept yourself, but never give up on improving yourself at the same time. And from someone who knows how you feel right now: your life can be wonderful, beautiful, even when it's not perfect, even though you're not perfect (no one is or ever will be). You can feel so content and at peace that you don't know how to handle it.

And PS: nobody deserves to feel like that. It's not your fault that you feel like this, but how you *handle* these feelings is up to you. I didn't handle them well at all, and I did some things that I really regret. YOU CAN DO AND BE BETTER. I know you can.

Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to rant to or anything.
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Old 08-07-2012, 01:11 PM   #8
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Depression sucks. It makes you think much different and makes you distort reality into something that overwhelms you so much that you feel you cannot handle it. It makes you feel like crap. But remember, it does NOT mean you are.

I have contemplated several "solutions" when I was at my highest weight. My BMI was 31.9, very similar to yours. I was already struggling with depression, for which I was put on medication that made me gain weight. While the depression was sort of gone, I had this lingering feeling that I was worthless. I felt ugly, like I did not deserve the same as those pretty and skinny girls everywhere. I didn't have a boyfriend, because I "knew" nobody would want me. I didn't have to ask, I already guessed everyone thought I was ugly. I was starting to have some pretty scary thoughts (read between the lines here). I knew it would not solve anything, but at least I wouldn't feel the pain anymore.

You are not weak. In fact, I read somewhere that "depression is not weakness; it is the result of being too strong for too long". I loved that quote, because it is true. My depression started after enduring a whole year of relentless psychological harassment from my boss. I built a shell to help me deal with it but one day it all came crumbling down and had disastrous effects on my entire life. If I had been weak, I would have caved in right away.

The point is, you are not alone. "People like you" are people like me too, and people like many other people in this world. And no one is completely insecurity-free, not even the thin and beautiful, the rich, the popular.

When you feel like crap, you eat. Guess what, I did too. I had so much anxiety built up that I could eat and eat and not even taste anything. You just have to start focusing on something else. It is easier said than done, I am well aware of that. Take it slowly, one day at a time. If you happen to slip up, never put yourself down and feel fat/ugly/worthless/stupid. It will encourage negative behavior and feed the monster. Tomorrow is a new day. Take it as a learning experience, because that's what everything in life is. You will come out a stronger and better person, I guarantee it.

It is by no means a fast process. It takes a lot of time, and a certain amount of effort. It can require outside help too, whether through friends, a counselor, a therapist, medication, exercise, a journal, whatever you need. I know friends are not always what you're looking for when you're depressed. In that case, do something for you. It will train your brain to realize you are worth it. And in time, make some small efforts to go out and you might be surprised what you find out.

One last little piece of advice when struggling with anxiety. Perceptions are key. What you said about your mother, friends and sister despising you, could they be expressing concern? Could they be giving you some "tough love" to try and have the real you back? Note that you used the wording "I feel like they hate me". You don't know for sure, it is how YOU see it in your current distorted state of mind. I often feel as if people hate me or think horrible things about me. I always find out eventually that I was wrong. Would you hate with all your being a person just because she is overweight? Or whatever "fault" you think you committed? Just remember that when you get those thoughts. I have some great friends that are overweight. I still love them. You do not deserve anything just because you are or aren't something. There is NO logic in that.

I really hope you can sort out those things that are making you feel like that. I know how terrible it feels, and how easy it seems for everyone else. You did well in posting on this board because plenty of people are dealing with the same things you are, and will not see you negatively at all for sharing your thoughts and feelings. If there's anything we can do, we will



P.S. If you mom agrees and you don't already have one, maybe you could get a pet? Even though she annoys me a little once in a while (when she's in a bad mood), my cat has been a lifesaver since I got her last winter. She gives me unconditional love, and doesn't care what I look like or how much of a failure I feel like. She will rub against me like I'm the most important thing in the world. She makes me laugh when she does crazy things. Many people have found that getting a pet was one of the best therapies. She's on my profile picture for a reason. Just an idea I wanted to offer
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Goal reached 2012/07/31

Wk 1: -9.6 Wk 2: -3.0 Wk 3: -5.2 Wk 4: -3.8 Wk 5: -3.0 Wk 6: -2.0
Wk 7: -4.2 Wk 8: -4.0 Wk 9: -2.2 Wk 10: -1.6 Wk 11: -2.0 Wk 12: -2.1

Last edited by Kikie : 08-07-2012 at 01:26 PM.
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Old 08-15-2012, 10:34 PM   #9
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Just wanted to let you know, I have Social Anxiety as well. It us a terrible thing to have, I understand what it's like.
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Old 09-26-2012, 01:12 AM   #10
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This was so me at that age. 16 was very rough but it doesn't define the rest of your life. Everything will be ok.
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Old 09-26-2012, 04:45 PM   #11
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You are going through one of the, if not THE toughest periods of your entire life. You've got to tough it out and find people to talk to, find people to get your strength from. Coming here is a GREAT start!!!!!!!


I suffer from anxiety and a small part from social anxiety so you are not alone here. Post away, sweetie. Make friends here, you will find many caring people!

Get some help for your depression, please. Talk to a Dr ok? I am on meds for bi-polar and the depression end of my bi-polar is a real stinker. It is the pits but I get help for it. I have the best meds to help me cope.

If you ever need anyone, dont hesitate, PM me.


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Old 09-26-2012, 11:22 PM   #12
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I remember being 16, and quite frankly, it sucked.

The good news is, it gets better!

Teen years are tough. Hang in there.

Another granny here. Life takes time and experience.

Take a breath, relax, observe the world around you. It will get better.

It took quite awhile for me to get on the right track, but, if you listen and observe, learn from what you see, and ask for, and accept help when you need it, life is actually a very good thing! It's a learning process!
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