[neon_zephyr]

I'm suffering from a debilitating depression. While periods of gloom & sorrow are common for me, I can usually pull myself out of it when I need to meet a deadline. Right now, I'm so depressed that getting through a day is a struggle.

My marriage fell apart b/c my husband cheated on me & started treating me badly. It was partly his fault, but also partly out of his hands because he's ill and it's causing some weird psychiatric disturbances, so he's not being himself. Things got so out of control that we ended up separated and he blames me and won't do anything to confront his behavior at all and is bullying me and making threats (against my family), instead. The situation caused a rift between me & my family, too, and I miss them very much also. I love him, but there's nothing I can do, right now because he won't accept responsibility or talk to me about it. I love them, but they don't seem to be able to understand what I'm going through and I'm actually afraid for their safety, sometimes. I'm in complete despair over this every day.

To make things worse, I'm trying to complete my PhD and am at the last stage of it now. I'm running into problems with scheduling my defense that keep stressing me out and with completing my dissertation draft that are mainly coming from my depression, I think. I need to be able to work, but I just can't seem to do it. I know that if I don't find a way through, I'm going to fail, but....I just can't seem to concentrate on anything.

Trying to lose weight in the middle of all of this is really hard to do, but I'm trying. Every time I fail at a fitness goal, it knocks me down even more. I end up making fitness less of a priority and then feel guilty and then get even more lost in the cycle. I'm avoiding taking anti-depressants because I'm taking phentermine to try to manage my weight and you can't mix them (says my doc). Some days, this really gets to me.

Today is one of those days. I am too depressed to write, exercise, or connect with anyone. I need to find a way to set my despair aside, but I can't seem to rise above it at all. Even if I stop the phentermine and start the zoloft, it will take weeks to start working and my deadlines are like right now. So, I feel really hopeless.

Any of you going through something similar? Tips or tricks to get you through it?

[lucydear]

It sounds like you have a lot of things on your plate at one time, any of which would be stressful all by itself. I know that when I was finishing my Masters I felt incredibly overwhelmed and I had to put other things on hold (like exercising, house cleaning, dealing with certain issues) just to get through it. Is there anywhere that you can give yourself a break so that you can focus on one thing at a time and pushing through to get your PhD? Because getting it would be a huge success and make you feel fantastic. If you are this close, you have already worked so hard! You are at the finish line!!!

[Natasha22]

You just need to take it one step at a time, otherwise you'll feel overwhelmed by everything and lose motivation. Prioritize things in your life because nobody should have to deal with so many problems at a time. Allow yourself some pampering and relaxation daily, even if it's just for half an hour, put on some relaxing music, a face mask and push away all negative thoughts.

Set up small, easy to accomplish goals each day, for instance "today I'll drink more water", or "today I'll have my coffee with no milk and sugar". There's no point in stressing too much over your diet right now. The same goes for your dissertation. Make a weekly plan and try to stick to it. Award yourself at the end of the week. After you've completed your PhD you'll have time an deal with your marriage and family problems.

[Aunrio]

If you have deadlines for the defense for a 2012 graduation, forgive yourself any and all weight loss transgressions. I put on 30 pounds between Aug and Apr of my last year of grad school when writing the dissertation and jumping hurdles for a committee. With that cloud from over you, the other issues will fall into place. If you can't write new stuff, review and edit the old stuff. Use exercise to break up the monotony and get wholesome snacks so you don't feel so guilty while you munch and work. I sincerely wish you the best in this conquest.

[LisaTcan]

Hugs, this all sounds very stressful! No wonder you're depressed. I would not worry about losing weight right now, just focus on school and maintain your mental health. Once you finish your defence you can think about switching to an ssri which might make it easier to lose weight. Is there a therapist you can talk to? I'm going through a depression right now but like you it's very situational, it might really help to talk some of it out.

Take care!

[neon_zephyr]

lucydear -- Thanks for the perspective. I can't manage it all at once, so I need to focus and triage it all.

Natasha -- Thanks for the suggestions. I've been trying to take a walk every day. I like the idea of scheduling time to set aside negativity, too. Negativity and stress increase cortisol and fat storage and they also intensify depression; it's hard to get out of the cycle.

Aunrio -- Thanks for the encouragement. I've gained a lot of weight in grad school and have been battling it badly, so I really thought it was time to work at it. However, I really can't make this a priority so wholesome snacking is probably better. I'm hoping to edit old stuff as well as I can. Draft due to my committee chair in the morning and once I get approval and feedback, I'll be sending it to the whole committee on Wednesday (fingers crossed). Once I get through the defense, I will be able to focus better, I hope.

Lisa -- Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about your situation. Mine is dragging me down like an actor. I'm sporadically online these days and behind on just about everything, but, will reply when I can. I've got a therapist, thankfully and maybe I should visit her twice a week instead of once a week until I get through this. I've never been depressed like this before and it feels so awful. I really can't obsess about weight loss, just be aware of choices about food and exercise, I think, until I get through this hurdle.


Thanks everyone. I feel a little less overwhelmed today. Well, I'm still working on my draft that's due in the morning, but, am trying to remind myself that I can't repair my broken marriage on my own and I can't lose weight instantly, and that patience is important and prioritizing the degree is really important.