Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
I just got back home from seeing my bf and I am about to lose my mind. I have clinical depression which has been controlled for about 2 yrs now and I have anxiety which has never been addressed, at least not by a psychologist/psychiatrist. All of this runs in my family. However, food and my body image has now come to the forefront and I am feeling it really bad right now. I have anxiety attacks in class because I hate the way I look (and I've lost 70+ pds, its insane!!!). I alternate between trying to be healthy and having anorexic tendencies. I am in a really bad state and I need the support of a close one right now.
I went to my bf's house after a day of beating myself up. As I walk to the door he says, "Is that what you wore to school?". Now, he didn't know that I had spent the better part of the day in self hatred so I can't get too mad. But the way he said it hurt me.
I tried to talk to him about some of my issues without breaking down but I simply couldn't find the words to explain it. He's a man. And I'm not saying men do not struggle with this, they do. But he definitely doesn't. He got so frustrated with me trying to explain that he just butted in,"Is this about the weight loss? Ok, just don't do it anymore, forget it." I tried to explain if it were that simple, I'd be ok but he wouldn't have it. Then he said, "Why don't you just be like (a mutual girl friend of ours) and eat whatever you want and not care about the way you look or what you eat."
This killed me. I don't know why, but I had had it. It was enough to send me overboard and I just left. I know he said it out of frustration but it's not fair and I just can't get the way I feel into his head.
I don't know if these feelings will ever end. And I don't think his reaction was appropriate. But then again, I don't know anymore. Any advice would be so much appreciated.
:/ The fact that he's not understanding, or not trying to understand, really strikes me. I think if you guys come back together with clearer heads, you can thoroughly discuss what you feel and he should at least TRY to understand.
I completely understand the feelings you're going through. I have had the worst issues trying to look in the mirror and love who I am. Heck, I still think I have about 10-15 pounds to lose but I know that it can only happen if I went back to my disordered eating...
I am here for you 100%. Send me a message anytime.
If he doesn't have weight issues then there is no way for him to understand the emotional aspect of losing weight. All he see's is if you eat you're happy if you don't eat your not happy. My husband has been in AA for 22 yrs. I understand how to quick drinking (I never drank so I'm like a partner that never had to lose weight) but I do not understand his state of mind (He's been sober for 22 yrs) You have to find someone that understands to help you through the emotional part of this. Depression will affect a lot I also have it. I read once that if you aren't happy before you lose weight you'll still have those issues after you lose weight. Being skinny doesn't fix that and if it does it's only temp. Something else is obviously bothering you that you need to address and I swear a counselor will help you work those emotions out. If just to have someone to bounce your feelings off of until you feel better. Hugs from me to you and know you aren't alone in this. We're all here for you chicky poo
Mirax- I totally feel your pain. I have depression and an anxiety disorder as well. It's hard when the one you love doesn't understand how you feel about something, and it's even harder when they won't let you try to explain it. My fiance hasn't had weight issues, I mean, he was a little heavy when we met, but he worked out for two or three weeks and he was down to his goal weight.. I've been losing since October (using the word losing loosely right now, tbh) and he doesn't understand the emotional side of all of it. I try to talk to him but I just end up angry and crying and he just ends up frustrated with me because I don't know how to put it so he'll understand. Eventually we got past all of it and I made him understand by likening it to something that was relevant to him.
Good luck in getting him to support you.. it can be difficult, but it can be done. Sometimes you just kinda have to tell them to LISTEN to you instead of just thinking about what they're going to say next.
BIG hugs!! If you need people to lean on, we're here for you and we understand your feelings
Thank you all soo much for your kind responses. It is so hard to be in a situation and feel like no one understands where you are coming from which is why I posted on here- I knew someone would!
@ Please- Yes, I think like many guys he gets very frustrated and then loses his cool and it's all downhill from there. He apologized to me and we will try to talk today, but it is very hard for him to grasp my food issues- he is also from another culture and things like this are either not talked about or thought of as very trivial and stupid. Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot to me!! I'm sure you are beautiful inside and out. I commend you for being aware of your previous disordered eating and trying not to let yourself slip back into that. I know it can be so hard! I'm here for you too if you need me!
@Theox- I definitely think you are right, I need someone outside of my family/friends to talk to. Once I figure out who my insurance will cover, I am going to make an appt. with a therapist.
@DD- Your post really opened my eyes, thank you. I didn't ever think of it as something similar to someone who has an alcohol or drug addiction. It really is though, and only those who are going through it should be expected to understand how it feels. And yes, depression is so tough while dieting and I am sure you can feel me on that. I most definitely have underlying food/body image issues that I need to work out before I can be happy (no matter how much weight I lose!). I will go see a counselor and try to sort through this. Thank you so much for your support!!
@Huzzah- Your situation sounds very similar to mine. It is so hard to get the emotional issues that are attached to food/weight loss through some people's heads. And when it is someone you love and you are very close to, it can be very painful. Thank you, I think we both just need to sit down, calm down, and try to talk through this without making each other upset. Honestly, if he can't simply do that with me then I feel like our relationship isn't even worth it. Thank you so much for being there!!
I have some advice for you, mirax3. It is advice I am still struggling to take, but it is good.
1. Don't look at this like your bf "doesn't understand." The comment about clothing is not a criticism of you at all. Guys like to give each other crap. It's how they bond. They also like to tease girls. My husband has gleefully given me crap before about wearing an obvious "winter" sweater in the spring. He gives me crap about wearing leg warmers around the house. (He also thinks wearing a blue Epic Wolf Shirt with red basketball shorts is an acceptable fashion choice at home.) Fashion choices just aren't as important to guys as they are to us. Don't bother trying to make him understand this.
2. It's true, he does not understand how important weight loss is to you. This is not because he's mean and insensitive. It's because he's attracted to you. He doesn't see the flaws you see. It probably upsets him when you point them out. Guys tend to see the "simple" solution for everything. To him, it seems silly that you're complaining about dieting, which obviously makes you unhappy, when you could simply stop dieting. He probably assumes, also, that if you're together five years from now and you hit the late-twenties death of metabolism and he gets a gut, you'll still be attracted to HIM, so he doesn't see why he shouldn't be attracted to you NOW. It is a turn-off to guys when girls put themselves down. That is probably what irritated him.
Last edited by QueenofThorn; 02-29-2012 at 12:45 PM.
So upset. Will this ever get better?
