Sad days even months after parent's death

VermontMom · 10-03-2011, 11:21 AM

I guess you never really 'get over' a parent's death? and that things can sneak up on you and blindside you even when you think you feel okay. (my mom passed away in April of this year)

I should have known today was NOT a good day to go through some of my mom's things. I have off today, and sometimes that is much worse for me than to be at work, it gives me time to comtemplate 'what is the worth of life anyway' and negative stuff like that. And it's a gloomy wet day, which is never good for me.

today I looked through some of my mom's jewelry boxes and found pics of my grandparents getting married, pics of my mom when she was little, a pic of my grandfather as a baby, my grandparent's wedding announcement. And I have boxes and boxes of photos I got from my dad's house when he died, now I have boxes of photos from my mom...it's just too hearbreaking for me to look at these pics, but I dont' watn to throw them out, but I don't want them lurking around the house in these boxes to remind me! and we have such a small place with no storage.

Just a vent.

Thanks

bargoo · 10-03-2011, 11:49 AM

It takes time, keep the photos as time goes on you will look at them and be able to smile. I know what you mean, though, my mother's death was difficult for me and I was an adult , with my own family and away from home for a long time. Think of the good times and don't dwell on the loss.

ParadiseFalls · 10-03-2011, 12:10 PM

I know how you feel. My dad died last Christmas, and I still can't hear his favorite songs on the radio without crying. A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't find the last birthday card he gave me and almost had a panic attack until I did. I think it'll start to get better, though. Hang in there.

free1 · 10-03-2011, 12:10 PM

Sending bug smiles and hugs your way!

Aunty Jam · 10-03-2011, 12:21 PM

Hi Holly... sorry to hear it's been so hard on you. I can't imagine what it's like... I'm sure I"ll be a mess when my parents go. All I can think of now is give yourself time and DON'T throw anything out yet, you'll regret it. Can you rent a storage unit maybe until you feel ready to go through their stuff?

VermontMom · 10-03-2011, 08:49 PM

thank you for the thoughts, friends!

Aunty Jam - good idea about the storage rental..I am being dumb about just a few boxes I guess. You know how I am always fretting about the place being so cluttered anyway, then I add more cardboard boxes to the mess..but its not much really.

I have to say truthfully though that I set aside boxes of photos from my dad's house, back in 2002? and i still get heart-broken-feeling looking at those. And that was 9 years ago!!

Maybe I am someone just who can't have these photos around

tea2 · 10-03-2011, 09:07 PM

Grief comes and goes in waves, sometimes long after the event. Things you think you'll be fine with bug you and things you think will bug you end up being fine. You have to be kind to yourself when this happens. I'd say it's totally normal if you are just living your life and then *bam*, something reminds you. My mom died 13 years ago, and there are still songs (fortunately they're not songs you hear every day) that can set me off.

.

I still can't read her letters either--or not much of one before I get teary. But it doesn't mean I'm not generally a happy person. (And I have been through depression too). They say it takes a year to start feeling like yourself again. Can you put the stuff in a box somewhere where you can't see it, but you know what's in it so you won't come across it all the time? It might take a few more years before you can feel happy about displaying the pics and enjoy them--or maybe you won't be able to for some years yet. Everybody's different.

Again, be kind to yourself. It's early days.

Tai · 10-03-2011, 09:24 PM

Hugs to you Holly! The grief can be so hard to deal with. I lost my wonderful dad a year ago and some days it feels like it just happened.

Do you have a sibling or a friend who might be able to hold onto the boxes for you? If they're in your house you might feel like you need to go through them, but just aren't ready yet.

The grief may not go away too soon, but it does kind of evolve. Stay strong!