Body image with your husband & sex life

GlamourGirl827 · 08-28-2011, 12:13 PM

This is a very touchy area for me and my DH. I have been blessed with a husband that, even at my biggest (pregnant, not pregnant) saggy, hairy, stretch marks, smelly, unshowered, no make up, sweat pants, spit up stains, leaky boobs (sorry TMI, but its a fact of having babies!)...He'd still be ready to go if I walked by him. My husband has somehow always found me atractive, even when I could not bare to look at my self in the mirror.

But I have always hated my body. Even after losing much of the weight, I now focus, on my sagging post pregnancy tummy, my small droopy boobs, my stretch marks which are HUGE, my thick, blue, bulging viens in my legs (they came about after baby #2, and I'm only 30 years old

) I feel gross. And my feelings don't help in the bedroom. Losing weight really hasn't helped me feel better.

bellastarr · 08-28-2011, 02:03 PM

i would love to believe that guys don't care about fat rolls, saggy boobs etc but i just cannot bring myself to feel okay with a guy seeing me or touching me with the weight i am now. i have to agree with the poster who said they are waiting for the goal weight to be intimate with someone. i just know the entire time if i was to have sex right now i'd be thinking omg what is he thinking as my stomach is hitting his and as he feels this role or that role. i also agree with the poster who said she felt self conscious at 220 and 120. that would be me too. i don't think i ever will feel "good" about my body but i know at a lower weight i will feel "better". it is easy for me to not deal with this now, i don't have a boyfriend and the last few guys i've dated i've just kind of stopped it before things went too far. of course i'm lonely but i guess sadly for me it's better to be lonely than to be embarassed and think what if their friends were like "so are you sleeping with that fat girl?"

ringmaster · 08-29-2011, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bellastarr

i would love to believe that guys don't care about fat rolls, saggy boobs etc but i just cannot bring myself to feel okay with a guy seeing me or touching me with the weight i am now. i have to agree with the poster who said they are waiting for the goal weight to be intimate with someone. i just know the entire time if i was to have sex right now i'd be thinking omg what is he thinking as my stomach is hitting his and as he feels this role or that role. i also agree with the poster who said she felt self conscious at 220 and 120. that would be me too. i don't think i ever will feel "good" about my body but i know at a lower weight i will feel "better". it is easy for me to not deal with this now, i don't have a boyfriend and the last few guys i've dated i've just kind of stopped it before things went too far. of course i'm lonely but i guess sadly for me it's better to be lonely than to be embarassed and think what if their friends were like "so are you sleeping with that fat girl?"

lol.. same here. Even if a guy accepted me at my weight...if I don't feel happy and confident with myself I feel I wouldn't be a good girlfriend and wouldn't be able to give everything I have 100%. then again people say (quoted from Marilyn Monroe) if someone can't accept you at worst, than they don't deserve you at your best, does that apply to being fat vs. thin too?

nikkster · 08-31-2011, 12:52 PM

I use to think I could NEVER be with a guy while I was fat, but almost 3 years ago I found someone who loved me as I was at 280lbs. At some point I gained 40 pounds and felt gross and unconfident...it didn't help that our sex life changed and he felt I had problems with him, but that wasn't the case. I've been working on myself and so far I've lost 50lbs and things are fine again...although not perfect since naturally I'm not in the mood every day as he is, lol. Im fine with doing it 2-3 times a week and he wants to do that in one day. I wish I could be there for him like that, but I want to know how common it is for couples to do it every day?

DietVet · 09-01-2011, 12:47 AM

(^after the first 6-12 months, not very many!)

Aileen · 09-05-2011, 07:28 PM

I lost my husband because of my weight and self-image issues. At 175lbs I didn't want him to touch me or look at me...so he cheated on me and I couldn't get over it and our relationship ended. Afterwards I gained even more weight because I've always been an emotional eater-when I'm down I comfort myself with sweets and junk. I'm now on the journey to get my compulsive and emotional eating, depression, negative self-image, and ultimately weight under control.

I'd love to have a happy, healthy relationship at the end of my journey, but will be happy if I can love myself.

Aedan123 · 09-13-2011, 01:50 AM

Hi all,
very nice posting you share here,
please keep it up guys !!!!

GillW23 · 09-13-2011, 02:46 AM

I have had a very werid experience in the bedroom with my weight... I have always felt pretty sexy- Sexy enough for a man to want me etc... and never had any problems in the bed room department until now!!! My current boyfriend is around the same height as me 5ft 7 and a size 28" waist and abs and pecs to die for (in fact his nick name is Marky Mark- Yup Mark Wahlberg he looks alot like him) and after going from 21 stone to 16/17 stone my body is all stretch marks and to me the most disgusting thing in the world... He does look at me like am some Model.. But I will not let him see me naked- Drives him insane- I usually keep on a small vest top to cover the dreaded stomach! I don't want to do certain positions because in my mind I will Crush him too death- He just laughs and calls me crazy and he loves me and says you couldn't kill me- Also, I dread when he runs his hands over the again dreaded stomach NOT GOOD!

So Since I have lost weight I have became less confident in myself only because everything hangs more than it used to and am only 23! But we still do have sex twice a day

So doesn't really stop me haha

Thats my experience so far but been going to the gym and eating healthy I can feel a difference already with sex- I feel I can get physically closer to him.

Gill x

Sophieeex3 · 09-13-2011, 03:26 AM

Im not married and Im only 18 years old but I can tell you this, if your husband says that he loves you and that he is attracted to you, then you should take his word for it. Just think to yourself, there are thousands of other men out there who criticize their daughters and wives when they gain 5 lbs. Some men really won't hesitate to point that out to their wives. If your relationship with him is as great and as deep as you say it is then how you look really isnt a problem to him. You will make it a problem however, if you continue to shy away from sex, and if you continue to bring up the subject with him. If he has trouble "performing" its better to not talk about it, try again the next day and make him feel like you ARE comfortable and you ARE attracted to him. Wining over his performance will embarrass him and make him less inclined to initiate sex the next time. Even if you don't feel attractive take comfort in the fact that your husband does, and at the end of the day that is all that matters! Really hope this helped :/.

PS Your husband probably wants to have sex, if hes the type of guy who doesnt talk about something thats bothering him, you could end up going the next 30 years without sex. Initiate it, believe in yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin.

cuppycake · 09-13-2011, 09:08 AM

Ladies,
I have to say with my ex-husband he berated me for being fat (although he dated and married me at the same weight) He refused to have sex with me.
In 17 yrs I dont think we had sex more than 10 times. He made me feel ugly and useless. And when I started to lose weight, he said it wasnt good enough. When I finally fit into "normal size" panties and bought a pair, he said I was being stupid and no they werent sexy or cute. So, off to the curb he went. I got tired of working nonstop to support him, the house, his truck ect. No kids because of no sex and he didnt want kids with me.
Anyway long story short, I divorced him. I moved up to the mountains where I found out that alot of men want some meat on your bones. You can be sexy at any size. If you have to use the mind game of picturing yourself as a romance book sexy lady then do it! There is someone for everyone and for every a$$ that treated you bad adds another loving feature to someone for you. After I left, I always wished for a man that would treat me like his treasure. I found him. He treats me like gold, loves me and desires me. We
have had our share of tragedy (we lost our baby. It was ectopic at 12 weeks. They did surgery and left me paralysed on my bottom left side) But this is a man that did everything for me and always tells me how beautiful I am. Sex is wonderful with him. Anyway, find someone who will treat you right. Do not settle for someone who makes fun of you for your weight. It doesnt stop. And withholding sex because of it is cruel. Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished.

DietVet · 09-13-2011, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sophieeex3

Im not married and Im only 18 years old but I can tell you this, if your husband says that he loves you and that he is attracted to you, then you should take his word for it. Just think to yourself, there are thousands of other men out there who criticize their daughters and wives when they gain 5 lbs. Some men really won't hesitate to point that out to their wives. If your relationship with him is as great and as deep as you say it is then how you look really isnt a problem to him. You will make it a problem however, if you continue to shy away from sex, and if you continue to bring up the subject with him. If he has trouble "performing" its better to not talk about it, try again the next day and make him feel like you ARE comfortable and you ARE attracted to him. Wining over his performance will embarrass him and make him less inclined to initiate sex the next time. Even if you don't feel attractive take comfort in the fact that your husband does, and at the end of the day that is all that matters! Really hope this helped :/.

PS Your husband probably wants to have sex, if hes the type of guy who doesnt talk about something thats bothering him, you could end up going the next 30 years without sex. Initiate it, believe in yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin.

Sophie, you are very wise for 18 years old! That's great advice!

Sherri77 · 09-30-2011, 02:39 PM

I have been with my Husband for 11 years and we have been married for 4. We have three kids together. I was never ashamed to get naked in front of him until recently. The reason I was never ashamed before is because I was 100lbs lighter then I am now but the main reason I am ashamed now is because my Hubby has recently lost over 60lbs after learning he has diabetes. He now weighs 174lbs. He looks fantastic. I can't help but feel like he is disgusted by me. He tells me that this is not the case but I still feel like he is not as attracted to me as he was before. I know it is all just in my mind but the feeling won't go away. I am sure once I lose the weight I won't feel that way anymore. The feeling sucks though. I sympathize with all you ladies going through the same thing. It is a horrible feeling that nobody should have to experience.

kyalpn · 09-30-2011, 06:54 PM

I'm not married, never even been in a long term or sexual relationship. I have been overweight all of my life, and hated my body for just as long. Thinking of getting naked for anyone? It makes me ill to think of it...seriously.

And I think that is an issue that a lot of us have. Maybe the key is loving ourselves because confidence is sexy and attractive, and that's what men want...

2salads · 03-27-2012, 03:27 PM

Oh this is weird talking about this...I have been married for 11 years. When we were first married I was 132 pounds. 11 years later I am 220 pounds. I feel horribley ashamed of my body some days and at one point a couple of years ago my husband flat out told me that my weight was driving him away. He had an emotional affair. I caught wind of it before it could progress. Told him I would lose the weight. (I didn't) He said that he was going to move out but called me later the same day and said he wanted to come home. We weren't having sex very frequently but I eventually became pregnant with our second child. I didn't gain alot of weight during the pregnancy but lost what I did gain almost right way. But still I was/am severely overweight. We've been intimate 3 times since the baby's been born. Mostly in the dark and with me moving to a different room after to cry over my body. Over the last few months I've been actively attempting to lose weight. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, do Wii Zumba and Wii Active on off days and have been trying to watch my carbs. I've managed to lose four pounds and I try to stay positive but it's really hard.

Aunrio · 03-27-2012, 05:38 PM

I feel like the quality of my sex life is in my head but I am just realizing it. I lost twenty pounds and my sex life became phenomenal. It got better with 10 more pounds. I then started to feel insecure that my husband loved me too much when I was bigger to tell me he wasn't attracted to me. As good as the sex was now, why wouldn't he tell me earlier to do something about my weight. Then I lost five more pounds and began worrying about being bony in some regions and having a slightly masculine back as my muscles began to peak through. However given the previous correlation of weight loss to sex quality i realized that sex is best when I am most confident with what I have to offer whether I am small or large. He has a role, but not nearly the role I had attributed to him. Plus we started dating when I was 35 pounds heavier and I seem to remember things being fine 8 years ago. If someone truly loves you, the sex life will only accentuate that love if you let it. Remove the physicality from it and try expressing what you each love beyond the body or listen to him when he tells you that your post baby body is beautiful because that form brought a life, a creation merging the two of you into one living and breathing entity, into this world. My opinion is that the damage may be done but this body is much more accomplished and has the better resumé.