Originally Posted by mom with issues
You found a great place to be for all of your issues. Since you have been diagnosed bipolar, I assume you are on some kind of medication. If you are, perhaps there is something out there that would be a better fit for you. If you are not on medication, then you really need to find a psychiatric doc. Proper medication for a bipolar is everything. I have been bipolar for years but never properly diagnosed until October.
With my docs help we have found what I think is a good "cocktail" for me and I feel better than I ever have. I was verty good a self-medicating for years (my husband had about had it with me). I drank quite a bit (understatement). It never hindered my life, but it made things unpleasant.
Anyway, once I found the right cocktail, everything turned around. On New Years I drank Diet Coke the whole night until midnight and then I had 2 glasses of champagne. You can't imagine how proud I was of myself.
Sorry for rambling. You need to get your head straight first and then the other things will start falling into place. I have also done a lot better about exercising and eating right since I feel better.
Find a good therapist that you can live with. I only recently realized how different they can be. The one I have now is a no nonsense type who doesn't try to use psychobabble. She is very straight forward. In fact it was getting the appt. with her that got me to my pdoc. I saw my therapist first and then she got me the appt with the pdoc. Usually you have to wait weeks, but I saw this woman two days later.
I know how desperately you want to change your life. I've been there. Truly I have. Find someone who can help you mentally and emotionally, then work on the physical. You might be surprised to find out that when you feel better. You said that hating yourself can take a lot out of you. I have found out that hating anyone can take a lot out of you (that's a whole other story). I know how bad your hurt. If I can help at all, PLEASE let me know. I'd be happy to help.
Thank you so much for your thoughts and advice! It means a lot to me.
I am on medication. I have been for nearly 15 years. I recently switched because my old meds, that I had been on for about ten years, no longer worked as well. So I have managed to find another mixture that works well for me know.
My biggest problem is taking them regulary. Which is something I have been working on for the past few months. I still have occasional days where I forget but they are getting fewer and fewer as I get used to having better habits.
It really is amazing how much those meds affect my state of mind. I would be hopeless without them.
The way I've chosen to go about things is by looking at it as I need to start taking better care of myself. In just about every facet in my life. Which is something I will probably make a post about later and I'll also be talking about it in my diet journal and blog.
For me it's a self-esteem thing. My self hatred was so overwheming that I didn't bother to take care of myself in any way because it felt like I just wasn't worth it. That is a big part of my thinking that I am working on changing. And I believe I am making the right steps in that direction.