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Quarter Life Crisis and Depression

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Old 06-01-2009, 08:00 PM   #1
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Unhappy Quarter Life Crisis and Depression

I made a post a few weeks ago about turning 25 and it being just horrible. And it is. This year has been horrible so far in with bad luck in almost every aspect of my life. I've been in a tough relationship with my bf, there was a point where he most deffinatly was taking advantage of me but the co dependant motherly part of me just had to take care of him. Now he doesnt ask for much and seems to appreciate me more but I think I harbor a little resentment and mistrust now and find myself becoming paranoid over nothing and for no reason, its just like manic moments where I think oh he must be with another girl or something which is insane and I think it stems from my low self worth, and low self esteem that I have seemed to come by, I messed up my life finanancially from being young and stupid with credit and now have to file a bankruptcy. I didn't have a car for the past 2 months and having hardly anyone close to who could help me left me alone alot. I live by myself with two cats! I turned 25 and didnt have any friends to spend my birthday with. I didnt even get to see my boyfriend until a week and half after. The only good thing to happen is that I lost the weight I did because well, there was nothing else in my life that I could control and somehow I managed to start! But now the weightloss is a little slower and I am more prone to eating bad food (at least the past few days) and than get upset when the scale doesnt budge =( luckily something else good did happen though, i got a promotion and a good enough raise to get another car. But bouncing back to feeling Okay after 2 months of mental **** isn't as easy as it sounds. I've cried almost every day. I get emotional over the littlest thing like my bf not calling me by a certain time at night. My best friend of 5 yrs and I had a falling out a few weeks ago and its been so painful not having her anymore. I feel like a burden and a failure alot. I am stressed out thinking I might fail again this time at trying to lose weight. I dont want to look back in 5 yrs and regret this time in my life or any other that I could have made things better and felt better and lived better...but its so hard. I feel so lost...and I am tired of all the negativity thats in my head. Some days I start out feeling fine and even pleasant but than by the end of the day I am as low as one can be. Its like if bi polar meant feeling one way in the morning and the exact opposite at night thats what would describe me but I know I am not really bi polar I have just always suffered with depression off/on and weight fluctuations off/on just make it worse. I just want at least one thing in my life to make me feel better. Losing weight certainly will but its frustrating at times to. I don't want to go on anti depressants either I just want to battle this out myself. Will things ever get better? Why do I sometimes feel so hopeless? and what can I do to stop it.
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Old 06-01-2009, 08:26 PM   #2
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hey [hug] I dont usually come on this board, but i would say you really need to get back in touch with your friend of 5 years, sounds like you could really do with some support right now. You've been friends for 5 years, im sure they would be willing to reconcile. I know things will get better for you [hug]. What about family? Are they around to support you? When I feel really down and upset sometimes it helps me if i make a list of what is getting me so depressed and what i might be able to do about it. You got a promotion and a raise! Thats going to be good for you financially, so thats a big step in the right direction Failures dont get promotions right? So you arent worthless or a failure

Stick in there, you can come through this
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Old 06-01-2009, 08:34 PM   #3
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Sometimes medication is a good thing, even if you don't want to be on them long-term. Sometimes depression is situational, and maybe yours is. But sometimes it can be a chemical imbalance and medications can help to straighten things out. It's just another way of looking at things; after all, if you had high blood pressure that was making you feel really terrible, you (hopefully) wouldn't just decide to tough it out on your own. You would take the prescription in addition to making the lifestyle changes, and then perhaps be able to stop the medication later after the lifestyle changes had taken hold. It's just something to think about.

Is the falling out with your friend something that can be patched up? If so, you might feel better if you could talk with her.
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Old 06-03-2009, 07:53 AM   #4
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Hi,
I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time. I went through a rough time a few years back where it seemed like I was caught in an endless cycle of bad news for about a year (relationship ending, relatives dying, family financial situation changing, car accident [everyone survived, even my car], ex being stupid) and even when the bad news ended and good things started to happen, it took a long time to feel better and relax into it. But in the end, I did feel better and I honestly feel that I have a deeper understanding of joy and happiness than I did before that year.

The advice you've been given so far is good. If you know your friend will support you through your sadness and you can patch things up with her, that could be good. Also seeing your doctor wouldn't hurt either as they often have good advice for dealing with depression.

Whatever you do though, you said that :
Quote:
bouncing back to feeling Okay after 2 months of mental **** isn't as easy as it sounds.
and you are exactly right. It's not easy...so don't worry about bouncing, just take it slowly. It sounds like you're still hurting from things that have happened and that's okay, you don't need to shut off that pain and pretend you were never upset. Work through it instead. You could try journaling those paranoid moments. Write down what you're feeling, as nonsensical as it may seem to you. It might help you get to the root and cause of what you're feeling and help you understand what you need to do, or ask someone else to do, to help you heal.

Exercising is actually a pretty good idea right now. It's a healthy way to channel your emotions, and gets the endorphins going which will make you feel physically better too.

Congrats on the promotion. I hope this is just the beginning of the better things waiting for you.
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Old 06-03-2009, 09:44 AM   #5
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Hi there. Big hugs to you and belated happy birthday! I'm sorry to hear that you have been going through some rough times. I can identify with the financial situation as I did the exact same thing with getting a credit card when I was 17 and here I am 41 and still in a financial hole but it isn't too bad or maybe it's that I look at it differently than when I was your age. Okay here is my take on what you have posted. See I am a very independent person and always a bit of a loner. Some of what I see in your post is your dependence on your boyfriend and other friends, no maybe not dependence but their actions influence you too much emotionally. Yes sometimes you have to invest yourself emotionally in a relationship but the first relationship you need to invest in is the one with yourself. If you aren't coping with yourself first you aren't going to be able to cope with relationships with other people. You say you have low self esteem and low self worth, you have to love yourself for who you are before you can love others or get love in return. Focus on the positives in your life, not the negatives, learn from your mistakes. Okay so you messed up financially, well definitely a lot to learn from there. Not something that is going to burn your fingers again right? Don't think 5 years into the future, that is not something you can afford to do right now. Think about today, get through today. About your bf, you can't control his actions, he is who he is and no one will ever change that. You are placing your emotional state into his hands (whether he knows it or not). I don't think you should give that kind of control to someone else. I know you can't wave a magic wand and let go of your insecurities but maybe try to place a little less importance on his actions (phoning you at a certain time) and more importance on your own actions.

I was outside recently doing some gardening and wearing a pair of kneepads and the neighbor next door said she would like to have something like that but she knew that another neighbor across the road would make fun of her. This other neighbor did in fact come over when she saw us standing there talking and made a comment about my knee pads and my next door neighbor said something like 'see, I knew she would make fun of them'. I said back to her that the comments will only hurt if you care what the other person says. I don't know this person really all that well, she just a neighborhood acquaintance so how can what she thinks or says be important to me? If she was someone who I cared about or who cared about me she wouldn't say anything mean or spiteful to me to begin with. People can't hurt you unless you give them the power to do it. Once you take that power back and begin loving yourself I think you will see things are not as hopeless as they might seem.

Sorry to be so long and I hope some of the things I've said make sense and hopefully help you a bit. What you said really clicked with me and I wanted to share with you some of the things I've learned in my 41 years. I hope I don't sound like an emotionally detached person. I've a husband and 2 kids who I all love to bits and they love me, they are the important people in my life. I've had to give them some emotional power over me but I think because I am aware of it I can stop myself from being hurt sometimes when they say or do things in a thoughtless manner but I respect myself enough to let them know when they have done this. Okay I'm babbling away again and I was trying to wrap this up. Take care and I hope things get better for you!
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Old 06-03-2009, 09:54 AM   #6
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Hi sweetie, happy belated birthday. I don't have too much to add, because there have been a lot of good things said here. I just want you to know you aren't alone. I would also like to suggest a book called "20 Something, 20 Everything" It's a really good book with lots of worksheets and stuff, and it's specifically targeted towards women who are experiencing a "quarter-life crisis". I was going through a pretty tough time a while back, and I bought that book, and it really helped me gain some control back and made my situation feel much more manageable. It has lots of interviews, too, of other girls going through the same kinds of things, so it helped me to feel like I wasn't so alone in my situation. The author is named Christine Hassler.

Good luck hun, I hope everything starts to smooth out for you.
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Old 06-03-2009, 06:46 PM   #7
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Thanks everyone The past few days I have started to feel a little better. I think what Jen said was right and I am deffinatly going to take her advice and just try to start focusing on myself and not letting the people im close to hold so much power over me. That is most deffinatly my #1 fault...
& thanks for the book recommendation....I will see if I can find that tomorrow it sounds like a really helpful read!

Unfortunatly after everything thats happened with my best friend I know its not a repairable relationship. In the past it would have been but to much has happened and her own bf currently has a lot to do with ways she has changed, he is very controlling of her...maybe one day if he is ever out of her life we can find some resolve. But until than I just have to work through it move on and hope to find some new friends...I'm going to try and start being more social again and not depending so much on my boyfriend!

One day at a time...
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:37 PM   #8
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I'm really glad that you posted back and things are looking a little more positive. Definitely take one day at a time. I think making new friends and not being dependent on one or two people for your emotional well being is a really good idea. Best wishes!
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Old 06-06-2009, 10:47 AM   #9
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Thanks guys! So I went out and bought The Twenty Something Manifesto which is actually the second edition of that book and you were right LittleMoonRabbit its wonderful! I am already 50 pages into it and have been journaling every part that asks questions. Its helped me to feel a lot better! I am going to pass this recommendation on!
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