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So so lonely after breaking up!

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Old 05-31-2009, 11:02 PM   #1
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Unhappy So so lonely after breaking up!

Hi everyone, I'm new to this section of 3FC. I have a bit of a problem. After 2 1/2 years of dating and I love you's and saying that he wanted to put a ring on my finger, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me and we broke up on May 9th. I've always been very shy until I get to know somone so that leaves me without much social support. Other than my parents I only have 1 other friend that I talk to but she's a single mom of 3 with a full time job so I only talk to her maybe once a week and see her once or twice a month. I can't take the loneliness that I'm feeling. I'm so depressed now and I know it will take time to go away but I feel like such a loser for not having any friends. I'm exercising and trying to eat right but even with trying to take care of myself I still feel horrible. I know everyone is different but can everyone tell me what they've done in the past to help get past the whole post breakup depression and how long it took? Please help me! Thanks everyone!
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Old 06-01-2009, 12:41 AM   #2
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Hi. I don't really have advice to give, but I want you to know that you have friends in belonging to 3FC. Don't give up your weight loss plans. If you are taking care of yourself, you will feel better about yourself.
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Old 06-01-2009, 12:52 AM   #3
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Hi Gypsy. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this! I'm not sure how much this helps, but anyone who does that to you is not worth a minute of your time! Break-ups are really tough, no matter how long you dated or how it ended, but maybe you can find the silver lining in all of this. Maybe now is the time to be a little selfish and just focus on you for a while. Take some fun exercise classes, look up exciting new recipes and spend time cooking healthy meals. You could even try joining a book club or picking up another hobby (art, music, anything really). I think it's so important to be happy with yourself outside of a relationship, and not to say you're not happy with yourself, but we can all use a pick me up from time to time, so seize this opportunity for some "me time" and try to have a little fun! And make sure to say away from those cookies...they won't make you feel better! We're all here for you so make sure to post on here a lot!
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Old 06-01-2009, 01:35 AM   #4
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Default Hang in there!

I went through a similar ordeal while in highschool. My b/f of 3 years broke up with me and I had spent almost every waking moment of those 3 years by his side so I kind of had to start over again. I am shy like you too and didn't have any friends that I felt I could talk to either. It was HARD. I had my ups and downs...and waaay downs, (I was a self destructive teen, x.x) but I took baby steps day by day. I tried to surround myself with people because I was always too proud and never wanted to cry around other people. Whether it was family, whoever....I would go walk around at walmart or just sit and watch tv with my parents...ANYTHING. But of course night time would always come and there were nights when I cried myself to sleep. And crying is good! Let it out when you can. I can't quite remember exactly how long it took me to start feeling normal again, but I agree with what was said above about taking some you time. Get to know yourself! Start a new friendship! There are tons of people out there who want to help. During my depressed time, I re-kindled a friendship with someone I hadn't talked to in years and we are still good friends to this day! You never know what opportunities await you. I believe everything happens for a reason. This is a new chapter in your life. Be strong, have faith, you can do this.

Take care!
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Old 06-01-2009, 03:52 AM   #5
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Hi Gypsy- I went through a very similar breakup, (together a long time, cheated, etc)... I don't have much advice, they say time heals all wounds, and that's what it took, time. It took me a year to really recover. I wish I would of taken better care of myself during that year because now I wish to start dating again and it's not easy with the extra weight on. Best advice is to stick to your plan and exercise, exercising makes you feel better and gets your mind off things. Do some soul searching and get to know yourself again. Hang in there, it does get better no matter how much it hurts at the moment!

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Old 06-01-2009, 04:05 AM   #6
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I have went through a difficult break up too. I felt like I was never gonna get over it................But I did. Just give it time and I agree with the ladies here. Just take some time for you. Do some things you have been wanting to do. Take a class, get involved with your church, volunteer, visit relatives.

Also of course you have all of us here as well.

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Old 06-01-2009, 05:06 AM   #7
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Oh hun! Am sorry you are going thru this. Wanted to send u tons of hugs
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Old 06-01-2009, 06:11 AM   #8
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Hi Neighbor Jersey Girl,

I'm sorry to hear about you ex... but I'm so glad you found out NOW instead of when you got married. No man is worth going thru this agony, but that still doesn't make the hurt go away, I realize that.

I think this is your chance to really look at your innerself and make a few changes (meaning your shyness), I would suggest finding some local singles group, some churches even have them and by going to the right church you can make a great fellowship family where one thing can lead to another (having fun). Join an online club. Is there something you love or are really good at? if so JOIN IT !!!! You'd be surprised how much fun it could be. I am horribly shy too, but people like us can't wait for others to take us by the hand, some times we need to take the first step. You can do it.. after all your a CHICK !!!! A Chick with lots of other Chick sisters here rooting for you.

Please don't let this guy paralize you, you so deserve to be a Happy Chick.

Remember this... there are LOTS of fish in the sea and one day you will get a good catch. Enjoy yourself, enjoy life and everything else will fall into place.

Leenie
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Old 06-01-2009, 10:12 PM   #9
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Thank you all for your kind words I really appreciate it!
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Old 06-03-2009, 06:30 PM   #10
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i understand exactly what your going through, i just left my b/f of 10 years, that's a long time, now i'm alone in an apartment and have limited friends because he was so controlling he wouldn't allow me to have friends, so now i have to start all over... but i don't want to date at this weight, im uncomfortable with my body.... they say time heals all wounds and im hoping for that and sending some your way your young and you CAN get over this hump in your life, you found him you can find someone else that will treat you a lot better... good luck and i hope you feel better sweetie!
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Old 06-06-2009, 09:22 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savora View Post
i understand exactly what your going through, i just left my b/f of 10 years, that's a long time, now i'm alone in an apartment and have limited friends because he was so controlling he wouldn't allow me to have friends, so now i have to start all over...
Oh wow I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through that! Good luck to you on your fresh start!

I'm actually feeling less depressed and more disgusted than anything else now since I just heard the rest of the cheater's story from his own sister who can't stand him now. It's like a soap opera I swear! Anyways I'm glad to be free of it now. Thanks again everyone!
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Old 06-13-2009, 10:54 PM   #12
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I went through the exact same thing back in October. My boyfriend of 2 years and I were planning on moving a 300 miles away so he could go to school. We had everything set until I found out he was cheating on me...with one of my friends. =( Needless to say, we broke up. He is now dating her and they are planning on getting married. They are moving down to L.A. where her school is. He's 24 and she just got out of high school..nice, huh?

Anyway, I lost 25lbs within 2 weeks and actually was feeling pretty good to have all the excess weight off. I went to the gym 6 days a week for 2 hours a day. Then school started. I was working 52 hours and taking 15 units so my schedule got really tight. I stopped going to the gym because I was either working, studying, doing homework, or getting my average 4 hours of sleep a night. I gained alllll my weight back plus some. I have gained 30lbs since January. I am miserable right there with you.

It may sound kind of stupid, but I feel like he won somehow. He cheated yet he is happy and in love. I gained weight and have trust issues and can't seem to open up to any relationship. Seems unfair...but I guess that's life.

I'm trying to get my life back on track by exercising once again. School's out thank goodness! So that is an extra 15 hours that can be applied at the gym. I'm also doing the South Beach Diet. I had a major breakdown last night but we need to keep our chin up. The old cliche is true...time heals.
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Old 06-14-2009, 02:26 PM   #13
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Been there & got the tee shirt
A couple of times.

They say "Living well is the best revenge", and I'm an older woman and I have found that to be true.

Why not make self care your top priority and get out of the house if you are staying home too much.

Very often obesity is marked by social isolation.
I know it has been for me.
I'd rather take the phone off the hook, pull the shades and stay home and eat.
Food has always been my truest friend and lover.
Sad but true.

My advice to you is to join some type of social organization or club even if you don't want to or think you don't have the time.

I think the hardest thing about joining any new group is walking through the door or picking up the phone for that first phone call.
There's lots of groups to choose from and many groups need volunteers.
I live in the sticks and even out here there's everything from politics to film making to theater to animal rescue to belly dance to sewing circles.

Good luck
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Old 06-14-2009, 04:16 PM   #14
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Hey Gypsy. I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult times, but I too have bought that t-shirt! I'm in the middle of getting divorced after 25 years. He was my first and only love, we have two kids, and he's off traveling the world and screwing a girl in every port while I'm in the U.S. dealing with middle-age, teenagers, aging and ailing parents, and someone just stole my new tires!

Today I was indulging my emotions, feeling sorry for myself, again. But experience has shown me that rolling around in my state of affairs keeps me in a victim state-of-mind. That just angers me so much! I have every reason to mourn, which is okay for a bit of time, but eventually, it gets me nothing. Yes, we were wronged, but there's no government bailout for that. We have to move on under our own steam. And we have to learn that we're okay on our own.

But that doesn't mean we have to be alone. For me, it means getting out there and making friends in the new town I've moved to. Very uncomfortable, and when you're older, lots of people my age just don't know how to bring new people into their lives. I have to work really hard to make connections.

For you, you've got other challenges to making friends. Try enrolling in a class or join a club with activities you are interested in. Do what you love to do the most, something that inspires you and charges your imagination. Are there things that you like to do that are so enjoyable that you forget to eat? For me, it was going to school, so I'm back in school taking all sorts of interesting classes.

I'm eight months into my breakup. I'd say that the first three were the toughest, but after I started taking steps to make my life better, I started to feel much better within the next month. These days, I mostly feel really good (except when someone steals my tires and makes me feel vulnerable again). There are definitely days when I slip backwards, but it feels much better to move on than it does to wallow, so I don't let myself wallow long. Today I'm having good friends over for dinner, and we're all going to cook together in my new kitchen. I'm looking forward to it!

Take care, sweetie!

Georgia
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Old 06-14-2009, 04:40 PM   #15
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Thank you Georgia for this. I was feeling kind of down today because my ex is moving to L.A. with his new fling and I have this sort of panic that I will never see him again (he moves today). Ya know...never run into him and have him realize that he's a dumbass and he wants me back. The sad thing is is that I never want him back, I just want him to hurt a little over our breakup.

Anyway, your advice has been inspirational. My situation pales to yours and you are a fighter. There's no other option but to get up and live your life to the fullest. I plan on taking your advice and getting out there and doing my "thang". Life is too short to be so miserable.
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