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Weight gain affecting sex drive

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Old 05-30-2009, 06:51 AM   #1
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Red face Weight gain affecting sex drive

I dont know if I am allowed to post this. But I need to vent a little about my weight gain.

I know I posted before about my supposedly 'crash diet' which didnt take place, but it was only out of frustration that I wanted to do it.

I gained around 14 kg - net in my pregnancy. I say net as it is the weight that is still hanging after baby and other things are out of my body which also weighed.

Since giving birth in Dec 5, I was diagnosed with post partum depression while breastfeeding. I felt horrible. I felt as if I wanted to die, for no reason. Post partum depression is something I never knew to be so difficult until I went thru it.

I breastfed my son for 4 months because I had issues with my milk supply and eventually dried up. Now that my son is almost 6 months, I think I lost a little, and it might be noticeble. Mind you, I gained even more weight while breastfeeding because my milk would get better if I ate a lot.

Since my son was born, my sex drive is dead. Seriously. No joke. I am 1,70m and weight around 79kg. I was 69kg before pregnant and 64 newly married. This huge change in my body plus the horrible stretchmarks took over me and it might be affecting my relationship with my husband because he would feel like doing it and ME NO!

I need to do a change ASAP. We are moving to a new house in a few days, and there is this gym near by there which I plan to join as soon as we are settled. I also plan to eat healthier, but my main concentration will be on burning fat by exercising. I should see major changes in a month as I plan to get rid of lots of kilos before mid July since that's when we are going to visit our families for vacation.

I dont want things like this to affect my marriage and also I dont want it to affect my 'ME'.

Thank you for reading this. I just wanted to let things out.
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Old 05-30-2009, 07:54 AM   #2
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I have had the same problem. When I first met my husband I was 58kg. Over the last five years I've crept up to 88! I know I'll never have the body I had when I was 18, but while I'm this heavy I just can't see even the man who married me would want to have anything to do with me without clothes on. I've found it helpful to just try very hard to remind myself, every day, that he's not with me for a skinny body. And I try, usually as I'm walking to work, to think about things I like about myself, things I'm thankful. I do everything I can to improve my mood and the way I feel about myself. It's not easy, I've had problems with depression my entire life and since I've been with my husband it's been the only really happy time of my life. I feel like I just need to refuse to let my weight get in the way of something that I'm so grateful for.

I hope it helped to hear my experience with this problem!

You can do it, good luck

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Old 05-30-2009, 09:31 AM   #3
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Although it is hard, don't let YOUR perceptions of what your husband may think color what he REALLY thinks. Don't let your false image of perfection mar your wonderful relationship.

My fiance and I just spent two hours looking at teddies and garters and babydolls and other lingerie online for plus-size women. He pointed out item after item he would like to see me wear and it was such a fun experience. His enthusiasm was contagious (not as contagious as I would like it to be, but I have to start somewhere!)

The way I look at it, I know I need to lose weight, but I can't postpone life because I'm fat.

We, as women, tend to be so much more critical of ourselves than we should be. We judge ourselves more harshly than others judge us. Let's forgive ourselves and love ourselves and that will allow others to love us more easily too.
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Old 06-03-2009, 07:40 PM   #4
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oh i understand exactly how you feel, i am recently single and want to date but won't because of my weight i want to lose 20 more pounds before i decide to start dating...but my friends are like go out now and have fun, but i don't have fun when im self concious about the way i feel and look..... you have a husband who loves you so ur lucky, work with that and enjoy yourself while on your weight loss journey, im sure he loves you no matter what!
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