[faronica1]

After being in a relationship for seven and a half years, I broke up with my my boyfriend eight months ago because all we did was fight. I felt that his music and his friends was taking precedence over me and the kids. It was so bad between me and him that our kids became immune to our spats that when we would start arguing, they would just block us out and continue to go about whatever they were doing. I was overweight and unhappy with our situation that I figured if I moved out then maybe he would wake up and start acting right.

In the beginning I really tried my best to get over him but I found myself missing him terribly. I even tried dating someone else but all I could do was think about was my ex, so I broke it off with the new guy because it wasn't fair to him. My ex and I still continued to see each other up until about 2 months ago. I was okay with us still seeing each other, that I had even lost 32 lbs because I was less stressed with our situation but then we had a spat and he stopped talking to me.

I love him and I still love him with all my heart. I have been holding out hope that we would eventually get back on track and work things out, but then I found out from my kids that he has a new girlfriend. I am so hurt and I feel so betrayed. He introduced the kids to his new girlfriend and then told the kids not to tell me. I feel like he could have told me about this instead of letting me find out this way. I have been crying non-stop. I feel horrible. My stomach is in knots and I just feel like I need to vent. I want this hurt to go away...In a way I feel like we have broken up all over again. My friends have suggested that i talk to someone professionally about this and consider getting on some type of anti-depressant. Have any of you been through a situation like this? How did you cope? Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated....thanks in advance.

[bindersbee]

First off, I am so very sorry. I can absolutely see how you'd feel sucker punched. I can tell you are hurting badly- which would be pretty normal under the circumstances. Ouch!

If others who DO care about you (your friends) are trying to tell you they think you might need some medical intervention then do not let pride stop you from getting what you need. I am the spouse of a person with major depression and anxiety disorder. I feel so bad for him as it is such a struggle but I'm also very proud of him for taking the needed steps to get into a better place mentally.

You may or may not have a depression problem but it's worth getting some counseling to find out. I am a huge advocate of counseling as I've benefitted from it before too.

Your kids are going through a huge transition as well and likely feel hurt also. Make your entire focus with whatever energy you DO have about them and about getting yourself healthy. I know it's easier said than done but you simply don't have the mental and emotional resources to waste on him. He isn't worthy of your heartbreak. Turn the focus to the kids- they need you right now and they LOVE you.

As for the excess angry energy, use it to fuel your workouts and maybe try some kickboxing- now THAT would be good therapy. You can imagine that bag is a certain individual!

[Jacqui_D]

Faronica, Bindersbee's advice was excellent! I definitely think you should seek out medical attention. I think seeing a therapist would be extremely beneficial to you. As for the meds, if you have a history of depression, they could really help. If you don't, I'd discuss it with my doctor and follow his/her advice. I know that having an end to a relationship you are not emotionally prepared to end is just heart-breaking, but Faronica, honestly, its human nature to remember the good, when really there was much bad. The longer you hold on, the longer you are keeping yourself from finding someone who is your TRUE soulmate, someone who can offer you amazing joy in your life. It's a blessing in disguise and you just can't see it yet, but in time, you will. In the meantime, make sure that your kids are all right and take care of yourself! I wish you the best!

[bossmare]

I am very sorry that you feel like this. Although I have never been in a similar situation; I do feel your pain.

First of all I want to realize how wonderful you are. You are beautiful, talented, and unique. It says in the bible that God made you in HIS image and that he breathed life into you. You are his beautiful creation. Don't you ever forget that.

Secondly you are valuable. When God made you he had a plan for you and still does. You were thought of before you were even born!! God loves you that much!!

Thirdly you must realize that if you put your faith in the world you WILL BE LET DOWN EVERYTIME! You must put all your faith and love in God.

So here are some helpful tips.

Now that you’re single you have more time to yourself ... correct?
So girl start getting your life back. Go shopping, go to a spa, redecorate your house, start new hobbies or get involved with your church… and most importantly finally lose this weight!!

You must realize something. Anytime someone is hurting they have a tendency to take it out on the people closest to them. Of course he was going to tell the kids to tell you. Do you honestly think he's happy? Of course not ... but he sure isn’t going to let you know that. It's called pride, and with that being said, this will ruin any relationship every time. See the last thing the devil wants is for you to be happy... so ... he attacks you the best way he knows how. He starts placing thoughts in your head like, "He doesn't need you" "See how happy he is now without you in his life" "You don't want to call him first, you’ll look desperate" ... The devil places these kind of thoughts in your head and makes you think that their your own. No man of God is prideful! A man will not be able to love you the correct way unless he knows the Lord. Until you know the Lord you really don't know what love is. I mean God is love!!

Even if you don't believe the religious things I have spoke about please at least know how much God loves you and wants to bless you. It took me 22 years to find my soul-mate, and will heart break after heart break I finally gave it to God. I mean God brought him to me ... I didn't have to look ... it was HIS blessing. He treats me better than I could imagine. I know when God created him he was thinking of me. I am here if you want to talk. Please just email me.

If anything don't you let him see you hurting. In fact give your hurt and pains to the Lord. Put it in his hands. He will take care of you and show you what to do. Don't you think the Lord loves you enough to give you the man of your dreams? "But I want him" ... your probably telling yourself. If that was the case sweet heart he would have married you a long time ago. He wouldn't yell at you or be selfish, talk down to you, etc. God might have a better plan for you but as long as you’re caught up in what you think you want, you will miss what God wants. Good luck!!

[bobblefrog]

Hey sweetie - I know your pain - have been there many times when I was younger. Actually the last was about five years ago :-) I have had a lifetime of falling in love and having each successive relationship fail. You can fall in love again. You can't have someone wonderful come into your life unless there is room, though. Think of this as an obstacle that is finally cleared so Mr. Perfect-For-You can come into your life. It took me 39 years but I wouldn't give up a single one of those heartaches if it meant missing out on the love of my life now.

I agree that counseling can help - and you should look for it. It can help get you unstuck from what is a narrow focus, but I would suggest leaving any sort of medication as a last resort. I've had too many friends and family get messed up on them. They can be helpful, yes, but you really have to be sure it's for you. There are several books out there where the authors believe that spiritually, when you have good reason to be depressed, you need to work through it on a spiritual level rather than try to suppress it with drugs. One is The Souls Code and the other is Plato Not Prozac. You should follow your own voice of course - I just want to give an alternate point of view. Big hug!!!!!