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Old 02-16-2009, 01:28 AM   #16
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As a mother my first impulse is the dad is a total jerk, BUT, he has probably had it pounded into his head from age 0 that anybody who doesn't believe a certain religious storyline is doomed to ****, damnation, whatever....or possessed by devils or some such nonsense. I mean he is coming from a place of fear and indoctrination himself, so you can't even blame him. It's just a sad story all around and I think much more common than people think.

I have seen that 16% figure and I have to say that I think it is under-estimated, because you have to count in the people who are just going through the motions and not making waves....after I "came out" I was shocked at the number of people that said, "oh I don't actually believe this...but it would cause too many problems in my family so I just go along." Someone I always assumed was a devout Mormon told me that, I about fell off my chair. And about half the people in my old parish including one who had been in the seminary at one point!


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I agree with above post.What is interesting is that only 16% of people are either agnostic or atheist.Over 90% of scientists are.Scientists are interested in facts and believe what they see.You are a free thinker and obviously very intelligent.I have been agnostic for many years.I am always very careful when discussing religion with anyone because I know how sensitive people are about this subject.I believe what I do and certainly respect that most believe differently.I have any idea...........go into a science profession.You would be an asset!!!!Hang in there.I have 3 teenage boys and can also understand how it feels to be a mother.I think your parents may feel like they failed you somehow.Reassure them.You will all get through this.
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Old 02-16-2009, 02:04 AM   #17
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You might be right.I actually got those figures from Bill Maher, I believe.Saw Religulous and totally fell more in love with this guy.He is not for everyone though........lol.
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Old 02-16-2009, 02:21 AM   #18
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I LOVED THAT MOVIE!! As an agnostic you are so used to not being represented. I really appreciated that he did that movie. He's a brave man.
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Old 02-16-2009, 02:56 AM   #19
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Practicing athiest here. I went through a fairly similar thing at your age only not nearly as bad. I'm from the northeast so I don't think its as big a deal here. We teach evolution in schools but not the Book of Genesis and its been that way for a while. I found my family was dissapointed with my athiesm not because of my lack of faith, but more because of the changes to our social world as a family...i.e not having me go to church or church based events anymore...that sort of thing. They saw it as part and parcel of me turning into one of those sex, drugs, rock and roll teenagers. So maybe that's part of it, they think because you're agnostic you'll start smoking pot and drinking whiskey and driving a motorcylce or something.
But I could be way off too. I don't know because faith is such a personal thing. But maybe if you can reassure them your choice of faith has nothing to do with your behavior or personality...that will help. Either way...good luck.
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Old 02-16-2009, 06:18 AM   #20
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Just remember that whether you believe in God or not, He believes in you, and He'll see you through this tough time.

P.S. TOTALLY agree with the statement that Jesus wouldn't kick a child out on the street, etc. You are absolutely right.
Rosie, I understand your zeal, but it's misplaced here. This is not the kind of thread you want to proselytize in...Please. This girl is hurting now and has already said she doesn't believe in what you are trying to sell here.

Kate Marie, I'm almost 60 years old and I don't have the courage to tell my Mother I'm an atheist. Not for me though...in my case it's because she's so old now and becoming frail, and I don't want to upset her at her age, so I've decided to just keep it to myself. She knows I don't believe the same as her, but still thinks (or is trying to make herself believe) that I still believe in God. She still makes references about God almost every time we talk (it's a very important part of her life) and it drives me nuts to have to hold my tongue...I just want to scream sometimes that I don't believe that stuff and please don't even talk to me about it. I am so glad at your young age that you are being honest with your parents about this so you don't have to live a lie...nothing is worse than trying to hide something so important from people you live with and care about.

Things will get better. This will take some time though and you need to find a good resource for helping you through this, so you aren't tempted into another eating disorder until things settle down. I would talk to the pastor privately about this and about how you are feeling about their reaction and your eating problems. Let him know you really need support now (not arguments about your beliefs...but support in the aftermath of this revelation). Also let him know you are on antidepressants and have suffered from depression. This is the kind of thing that can trigger another depressive episode. If he is a good pastor, he will understand and try to help calm your parents down. And, your depressive tendencies may even be relieved by your not having to hide this from your parents any longer. Now your parents may need the antidepressents (just kidding).

If you need someone to talk to privately about this, you are always welcome to PM me. I so understand what door you just opened up and why and how difficult this will be for you. Try to remember that according to your Mom's beliefs, you are going to **** if you die now, so try to understand her panic and need to protect her daughter from what she perceives to be a dangerous belief. She will get to a point eventually where she allows you your belief...but she will probably never stop trying to "fix" this problem, even if only in subtle ways...because she honestly cannot accept that you might be right and she wrong.

My heart goes out to you...for your struggle and for your courage. You are one brave young woman, and as another poster mentioned, probably pretty darn smart too.
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Old 02-16-2009, 06:28 AM   #21
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Just wanted to say that it is normal to question at your age. What you believe now is not the same as you will later. I would suggest you talk to an understanding Pastor-they have heard it all. Mima
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Old 02-16-2009, 07:15 AM   #22
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Don't be mad at your Dad, just give him time to remember you are a wonderful daughter regardless of your choices. I doubt he wants to lose you

Hang in there sweetie, life can be rocky at times.

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Old 02-16-2009, 09:23 AM   #23
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Hang in there Katie. A few years ago my step son, now 18, told his mom and dad and I that he didnt believe in God. Well to me and his dad it wasnt a big deal. We love him, not what he believes in, but his mom didnt feel that way. She tried to change his mind, she argued, she persuaded, she cried, nothing worked. Finally she just resided to not talk about it and pretend she never heard it. The only piece of advice I can give, and you can take it for what its worth, is to not throw it in their face all the time. I know your probably not doing that but unfortunately so many people do. They feel like they have a right to believe what they believe and they dont care what anyone else thinks. You sound like you really care about your parents, so just know that you told them how you feel, you got it out in the open, but give them their own time to adjust or live in denial but dont put in their face all the time to remind them. they will get past it easier that way.

And I'm thinking now that maybe my morals are a bit warped. I have 3 step kids that are MINE (no matter what anyone thinks) and a son of my own. And I would rather every one of them came home and told me they didnt believe in God before they came home and told me they were pregnant or got someone pregnant. At 14 not believing in God could be a phase (not that I'm saying it is, because I know with my step son its not) but coming home pregnant at 14 is the end to well deserved childhood.

Hang strong sweetie, even though they may never get over or accept it they love you and they will learn to live with it and with you.
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Old 02-16-2009, 09:44 AM   #24
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[quote=katie m a r i e;2613645]Alright. Well, I guess this is a strange post for me. I haven't felt depressed in forever, but have been taking anti-depressants since I was in sixth grade. I go to a therapist every so often, because until just today, my parents thought I was doing great. Oh yeah, thats another thing. I'm only fourteen. xD But anyway, so things were going well for a while. And then, today, I decided to 'come out' of my agnostic closet.

Now my mom always told me she would accept me no matter what, and that she would always love me. My dad didn't really say those type of things, because well, he is too manly for it. But today while we were in the parking lot of Kroger, I finally dropped the bomb on her. I don't believe in God.


So you are AGNOSTIC or ATHEIST? Huge difference.

I can understand your mother's feelings. However, I am not so ancient myself yet that I don't remember going through periods in my own life (particularly adolescence) when I questioned everything--sexuality, spirituality, establishment, etc. It's a normal part of "finding" yourself and deciding what you are going to be about.

I think it's important to always leave your heart and mind open to finding deeper truth. And in the words of Forrest Gump, "that's all I'm gonna say about that."
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:08 PM   #25
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My priest always says it doesn't matter what we believe or if we believe, when we feel death is getting close, we suddenly believe in God.
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:16 PM   #26
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I'm 40 and I've never told my parents I don't believe as they do, even though I lost that i a depression at age 20 and it never came back. It just seems easier not to rock the boat. Although I imagine they've noticed that I never attend church. But my point is just to recognize that what you did is very courageous. I don't know how things will ultimately turn out with your family. It could go lots of ways. But I think it's very likely that it will change over time. And at least it will be built on honesty.

As far away (in time) as I am from traditional Christian beliefs, I can still remember when they were everything. So I can understand how they feel. I'd recommend, before anything, just giving them lots of time to adjust. You've probably been figuring out what you do or don't believe, and coming to terms with it, for a while. They haven't.
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:31 PM   #27
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my mum (dad's agnostic) still can't accept that i'm atheist. i have made the choice that i don't believe in god. actually she said to me just this weeikend that "You always used to believe" and i was like "well, actually, you used to believe and took me with you".

so you see, having that conversation at any age is NOT going to be easy and my parents aren't even that religious!

all i will say is that your parents are just in shock right now. it's hard to accept that their children are growing up, least of all to accept their little girl doesn't believe in what they blieve in and have always held as being the most important thing.

have you tried talking to your mum (she seems more rational than your dad) about it and explaining how you feel to her? it might be hard but i'm sure it will make things a bit better for you.

like the others said, they won't kick you out because you don't believe what they believe. i'm almost certain of it. they will love you no matter what happens.
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Old 02-16-2009, 12:59 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by K8-EEE View Post
anybody who doesn't believe a certain religious storyline is doomed to ****, damnation, whatever....or possessed by devils or some such nonsense. I mean he is coming from a place of fear and indoctrination himself, so you can't even blame him.
Everyone has a right to their own beliefs so to call someone else's beliefs nonsense is not respectful to other people. We all have opinions and thoughts and believe differently.
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Old 02-16-2009, 01:34 PM   #29
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My priest always says it doesn't matter what we believe or if we believe, when we feel death is getting close, we suddenly believe in God.
Your priest doesn't have any way of knowing what everyone else suddenly believes when they're close to death. And hopefully, none of the people in this thread are close to death, so it won't matter, and we can all just help support Katie during the difficult time she's having.

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So you are AGNOSTIC or ATHEIST? Huge difference.
Depends on how you define them. Some consider themselves both agnostic and atheist, but I won't get into the logic behind that here.

Katie, how are you doing today? Did you eat anything? Just give your parents some time. You've had two years to come to terms with your feelings, and they've only had one day. If it doesn't seem like they'll ever come around, you might have to just let it go for now and not keep bringing it up. You're still young, and being a non believer usually doesn't have that much impact on a person's day to day life.
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Old 02-16-2009, 02:25 PM   #30
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Hey Katie, hope everything's going better today... just wanted to say that you sound like a really awesome 14-year-old, and I wish I'd had the strength and self-awareness you're displaying here when I was that age.
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