Eating because I'm depressed; depressed because I eat!
I've always used food to cope. My mother and sister used drugs and alcohol to cope with their depression and anxiety and food is my drug of choice. A spoonful of ice cream is like pure bliss to me. A can of regular Coke makes me feel normal.... it almost feels like a drug addict who needs a certain amount of drug to feel 'normal' and 'not sick.'
Yet I know I'm depressed too because of my weight and that if I didn't have this weight on, I'd feel so much better. I'm at my highest weight ever, very close, if not over 300 pounds right now. I have two young daughters.
A lot of it is because I went through a divorce last year and gained quickly after that after going through a series of med trials for newly diagnosed bipolar II after my postpartum depression turned into a more sinister diagnosis.
I have no motivation. I'm trying so hard to do it for my kids but honestly, I'm a picky eater, hate vegetables, gag on lettuce, am too tired to move (I have sleep apnea too and am extra tired alllllll the time and sore too from being so big) and have a sedentary job. I bought healthy food at the grocery store today and only bought diet soda for the first time in a long time. I'm literally gagging it down. I'm not a water person either.... I rarely drink a glass of water in a day. Maybe once a month.
Where do I start? I feel so lost and hopeless.... both in life and in my weight. I have at least 150 lbs to lose. It seems so overwhelming!
All of us have issues, and there all as important as yours. Just please realize that the one your(and all of us) hurting is you for now, but your children down the road. Addiction, weather it is drugs or drink, food or porn, is just that, an addiction, that with some help, unless some physic issues are underlying, can be controlled. You coming to this site is a step toward control, your desire for help is a healthy sign. Your not alone,take one step at a time, before you know it, you will be healthy again. Remember a 1,000 mile trip begins with a single step. Don't look at the 150lbs you want to loose, look at the first 5 lbs and take it one small baby step at a time. I.M me if you want, I'll be here. Till next time.....
Different things work for different people. But I can really relate to feeling too tired to change - but I want to let you know that once I did manage to start, I started getting more and more energy every day and every week. I hope it helps to know that even if it's a lot of effort at first, it won't always be that hard. And I think coming here for support gave me just that boost I needed to start even though I felt too tired - so you've made a great move so far
I'd like to start by saying, before anything else, I'm sorry you feel this way and I'm sure I can speak for everyone here when I say, I want you to do this for you, if no one else. You said you have two children, I have three children myself and they love for you to actually get down on the floor and play with them on "their level". And the smiles you'll see from the pile ons and tickle sessions are more than worth it, when its as easy as getting down there. Play with your kids is a great way to keep active. Take small steps. Kids move a million miles a minute! While you're sitting you can also alternate kicking your legs out . And for your arms if you don't have any small weights use soup cans and alternate lifting those while sitting. (I found working out while watching my favorite show helps the time to go by. Usually while watching Tyra because she is an inspiration for me.) Oh! And I also found that working out early, sets the mode for your day. When you get your blood pumping early, it literally moves you. You wont want to sit still.
But moving on to your "drug", I'd like for you to think of this the next time you reach for your comfort food. Is the five minutes it takes to shove something sweet in your mouth, worth the 24 hours depression that follows? Usually not. Also, don't think of sweets and such as "treats". How can you "treat" yourself to a life of health problems and depression? A "treat" would be to grant yourself another healthy day with your children, or children's children.
I hate, hate, hate water, too. We've NEVER been friends. But there are flavored water options. I invested in a PUR water pitcher that has a flavor system it was about $25. It beats buying new bottles, everyweek. And it's better for the enviroment. (Gotta keep all Mothers healthy, espcially Mother Nature.) I personally like to drink my water at room temperature because it goes down a lot easier.
Wow..I know what you feel like that was me the last few months. Your title was close to how I felt I ate because i was depressed and depressed because i was/am fat. First how in the world did you pull off getting a ticker? I thought you had to have 30 posts before you could get one...you best be showing me your tricks...Second about the ticker if you set that goal with such a big distance until the end you will not be motivated to keep going. A lot of the girls (and guys) have the big one but they usually focus on a 10lb goal or 20 or whatever. Because when you lose 5 lbs on your ticker your have way on the little goal but if you look at it just on the whole big goal it looks soo small and like nothing. So Set an over all goal...but you have to set attainable little goals that will add up! I hope I made sense..haha..Been a long day and its late. ONce I got on the wellbutrin i stopped laying around I actually felt motivation and a want to do stuff. Ok well I hope I helped and I know you can do it. I have watched for so long all these ladies and men do this and seen their pictures and I know if they can do it I can too....doesnt mean every day is going to be Superduper AWESOME...your gonna have your down days but I guess that is why we are all on this site is to help encourage others and push them along when they are having a down day and when we are having a down day they push us along. So YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!
oh bless you, you are the mom of four under 5?! I have two under 5 and some days am not sure I'm gonna make it through. That and my boyfriend now wants to have another one..... soon! (not from this uterus!) I have no idea how you do it. I could use some parenting tips. LOL
You are right, I think I have my goal set so far out that I am unmotivating myself from the start just by doing that.
I asked for Wellbutrin because it's more 'weight neutral' and the psychiatrist said it would cause me too much anxiety (I have worse problems with anxiety than I do depression..... ay yi yi!)
Well in better news, I may be overestimating my actual size. I bought two pair of capri jeans off of Ebay that were a 24 and they hang off me so I may get away with a 22 for awhile. Believe it or not, I'm happy about that. LOL
I cant say I know Just how you feel I have no kids at home
But the other Oh I do SO know where you are at . I am off work due to a fall and that's not helping. All i seem to do is eat I just cant get it together. DH has NOT a clue 165 lbs for over 20 years. The people on here are very supportive and can be a great help even if you don't post just hopping around here you know you are not alone and sometimes that is all you need
Bless the sisters for starting this site.....
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. ~Jennifer Yane
I totally understand. I have put off losing weight for so long because it just seems so damn hard...I don't have 20 pounds to lose...I have 230 pounds to lose. So I definitely get it. I started a liquid diet and only lasted 3 days but it helped me get a ton of water weight off and the big jump in numbers did really make me feel like I was accomplishing something. I realize that it's all water weight, but that's okay...the number went DOWN. Now I feel more motivated to stick with it because even that small success reminded me that I have lost weight before and I can lose weight again. I just have to be patient. So try not to think about the big picture for now...think about the immediate benefits: sleep better, a sense of pride in getting through the day and treating yourself better, more energy, and so on. Find a small goal that you can get excited about. I just found out my 20 year high school reunion is at the end of September...that is helping to motivate me, too.
As for the water, there is always Crystal Light and other sugar free flavorings. And I find Diet Dr Pepper and Diet Root Beer to taste the best of all the diet sodas. Like someone else said, room temp water goes down a bit easier but sometimes really cold water "tastes" better. Just keep trying...you can do it!
Good luck and hang in there. You really can do this...take care!
Yes some days are more trying than others...The worst time is when 3 of them are crying at once for three different reasons and trying to get them to stop. Yeah they say with wellbutrin you have problems with anxeity so that probably wouldnt help. That really stinks because it is helping so much. I just couldnt seem to get into anything. I took care of the kids and did what I HAD to do and that was it!!!We will have to chat more. And I am actually in a size 22 comfortably...like i can squeeze into a 30 but some hangs over and I get annoyed with that and when I cant bend over very well... PLUS I was zipping my fat in my zipper...my sis in law is bout the same size as me so I would joke with her and be like ok I know I am fat when I zip my fat in the zipper....then I would be like let me tuck my fat in my pants...LOL... So yeah I went up to 22 in feb. the problem is all my summer clothes (not many) are 16 and 18 so i need to get moving if I plan on fitting any of those. Ok kids are napping and I have boxes to pack...moving tomorrow...ughhh...have a good day!!!
mghalt, I am right there with you. I have over 100lbs to lose as well. Being overweight also depresses me, food comforts me.
If I could just lose the weight, I wouldn't be depressed. I have a treadmill, and hubby just bought me a really nice cruiser bike. When I do go bike riding, I always go at night because I am afraid of people looking at me.
We can do this with the support of each other. I wanna be able to watch my children grow and take my daughter to the park without the feeling of being judged.
You need to replace food with something that you do enjoy. Because there is something missing in your life and food doesnt give you happiness, infact its doing the exact opposite. Think about the food you eat and how it makes you feel. The only way to truly be and feel healthy is to develop a healthy relationship with food. Thats what you need to do, its a long journey and i wish you well.
Hi mghalt... I can relate to your pain... i too have BP2 and it can be devastating... but I've been successful in changing my eating and exercise habits over the last several weeks, it is not easy... keep in mind there are a lot of people here with similar issues, so I hope you keep coming back in here...
As for not knowing where to start... I was in a total panic thinking about the whole picture... I kept saying; I have to change this and ... I have to change that... I learned here and pretty quickly, that I needed to take baby steps, for me they were tiny steps ... My first step was writing down everything I ate for 3 days.... yikes, I got a real good picture of what I was putting into my mouth... What I'm trying to say is don't try to do it all at once... I've been having success by keeping it simple and going slowly..
There is a lot of support, ideas and hugs to be had on this site....
You CAN do this....
. ~ Caroline~
~Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change~
~If it is important to you, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse~
~Progress Not Perfection~
~To My Tuxedo Boys, Your Paws Have Left Prints On My Heart Forever~
Last edited by Sweetcaroline : 05-12-2008 at 08:24 PM.
You have really gotten some good advice here! All I can do is sort of sum up my own experiences. For every person here, there is a reason they are overweight. Everyone got here from a different mental "place". Some of us have an addiction to food. Some have medical issues that causes weight gain or makes it extremely hard to lose. Some of us have just eaten a couple of hundred calories more a day than we needed and over time, slowly, hardly without noticing, have gained weight. Some of us use food as medication.
I think I fall into the last two categories. I gained it over years and years and when I'm really upset, I eat.
You've probably already identified your "type" and also know what you like and don't like. So, with that in "hand" reseach the various diet plans and see what will work best for you. I love a wide variety of foods. I'm also very satisfied with low-fat foods because over the years I've gotten used to them. But I'm also a "comfort" eater, and Mac and cheese (even low fat), breads, etc. can quickly get out of control. But I KNOW I don't want to live my life without them.
So this is what I do: Mon-Thurs, I "do" SBD Phase 1. This diet is high protein with few carbs, and those carbs allowed are complex. Then on Friday, I switch to low fat/calorie counting. I HATE SBD Phase 1 but it does drop pounds fast AND when I switch over on Friday, I'm so happy to be "off" it, that the low fat/calorie counting (at your size you should take in about 1800-2000 calories a day--and believe me, that's plenty. lol) portion of the diet seems not even be dieting. lol I also take Alli, and I don't eat or drink anything that I don't like. I HATE diet colas. Monday-Thurs. I don't have any cola-then usually on Friday, I get a Pepsi at Bingo. I just count the calories and make sure I don't go over. By dieting this way, I can pretty much eat most of what I love either early in the week or later--depending which "diet" that food is allowed on. lol
Splenda is so fantastic, and MUCH easier to get used to than other sugar subs. What I did was, everytime I used X-amount of sugar from my sugar cannister, I put that same amount of Splenda back and stirred well! It was soooo gradual getting used to the Splenda, that within a couple of months, it tasted like sugar to me. Also, it is better if you add it to drinks. For example I like Cherry Kool-aid. If I mix the Splenda with the Kool-aid and put it in the fridge, it slowly starts getting an odd taste. But if I just make the Kool-aid with water and add the Splenda to each glass, it is great! Same with Iced tea! It's making the little changes here and there that slowly give you control.
This past weekend, one of my kitties, Chryseis went missing. From Thursday to Saturday afternoon, she was gone and I was beside myself. Chryseis has Felv and FIV (cat Aids) and she needs meds. Also she is sooo sweet and happy and I was going out of my mind wondering if she was okay. On Friday, I bought a Hunt Brother's Pizza and ate half of it. Then I ate the other half on Saturday. I can't say I totally "pigged" out, but I ate to comfort myself and I did!! I ate about 2500 calories both days and although I didn't lose any weight those days, I didn't gain either.
I live alone. I was worried. I hardly ever drink (I did drink an Arbor Mist, though lol), I don't used drugs, and I needed comfort. Eating comforted me, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it! I started right back on schedule with SBD Phase 1 on Monday. I've learned that if something is really bad, it's okay to "self medicate"--but every day isn't bad... it's just regular life, and I don't use food to get through life. And if I'm going "use" food as a drug, I have to eat responsibly. LOL
As for what people might think about you, you think about this:
67% of Americans are overweight. That means that we "overweights" are now the "norm". It's the thin people who are abnormal.. So I don't want to be "normal" anymore--I want to be abnormal and slim!
Hi Everybody, just wanted to stop by and say, it's nice to see others that share my pain. Thank you all for your honesty, my problems are not only food, but food seems to be the only way I can deal with the other stuff. I'm working on it daily, somedays I've really got a handle on it, other days not so much. I do find when I get in my daily exercise, I do much better, today was not a great day. Tomorrow, a new day to start over.
I read your thread and thought I was reading my own journals. I have never thought that anyone else ever thought the same way I did. I see all these success stories on how ppl lose weight and hardly ever share their trials and obstacles.
I am an avoider of veggies (most all), exercise and all that jazz. But i have to believe that it can be done. I have worked out b4 and been on healthy diets and the second im distracted im defeated. And then I hate myself afterwards.
Make mini changes but that may help. I hate moving and almost avoid even walking on a treadmill bc i think its boring and lets face it, painful! But you could get a video and start moving at home as to avoid feeling bad or shamed outside. Get the low impact tapes or even walking tapes and start slow in the comfort of your own home. I hate veggies, but will eat carrots and corn..granted corn is starchy but go for frozen or fresh. Carrots are sweet and a veggie most everyone can live with.
AS for water, try adding some crystal light to it. The more I drank that stuff the more i liked water, as dull as it is.
I have a friend, skinny of course, who insists that sure its work but its easy. Yeah if i was a size 4 i would think, i can eat 1 pc of pizza and not the whole pie! There are also internal (mental) issues that need to be worked thru too..