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-   -   Hello and I'm having problems...sorry, it's long. (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/depression-weight-issues/124538-hello-im-having-problems-sorry-its-long.html)

trooworld 10-08-2007 12:32 AM

Hello and I'm having problems...sorry, it's long.
 
Hi everyone. I've been around the site for quite some time but I've not really been active on this board because my depression/anxiety hasn't been bothering me too much, but today it's out of control. I hope you guys don't mind me joining/posting on this board.

Here's what I am diagnosed with: If you ask my therapist, it's major depressive disorder and PTSD and anxiety. If you ask my pdoc, it's Bipolar Type II, PTSD and anxiety. I guess both carry depression issues with them. I've been on the right medication for me for about the past 3 or 4 years and have been fairly stable. The last time I was hospitalized for depression was in 2002 or 2003, I can't remember.

Anyhow, that's a little background on me. Today...
I have been overwhelmed the past few days. I am in school, I am an English major, which means I have a ton of reading/critical thinking to do. Right now, I am overwhelmed. For the next 4 days (and also today), I have to read over 150 pages a day + go to my classes + work on an midterm essay project. Plus, my dog might have cancer. Plus, my developmentally disabled brother-in-law had an allergic reaction to something and we had to deal wtih medical issues with that...of which time I had planned to have been studying. I'm basically having a meltdown. How is this affecting my weightloss efforts?

Well...today, for an afternoon snack, I went to Cold Stone Creamery and had a medium sized ice cream with all the fixin's. In fact, I came home and added it up and it was 1020 cals, 50g fat worth of afternoon snack. The horrible thing was that I even went in there with the intention of getting something healthy. I even asked for a sample of the nonfat raspberry sorbet. The next thing out of my mouth was "I'll take a medium Founder's Choice." How did that happen? ;)

So, I didn't eat dinner because I'm still full from that evil ice cream and since I am having a meltdown, I took two Ativans and drank 2.5 glasses of wine. I am not feeling suicidal or anything...I don't have a deathwish. I just want to relax. So, I am feeling relaxed, atleast until the Ativan wears off and I realize how much work I have to do tomorrow. I realize that there are other ways to relax: meditation, teas, exercise. But I wanted a quick fix. A simple fix that didn't require any work. Not the healthiest choice, but right now I am having trouble even functioning because of the anxiety/depression.

It affects my schooling because I get overwhelmed because of the workload and can't get out of the house...I skip school and end up doing nothing because I am "frozen."

Is there anyone that can feel me? Am I alone in this? I feel so crazy. Out of control. Like if I can't handle school, how will I handle full-time employment. Right now, I feel like I will feel like this forever. Ugh.

SoulBliss 10-08-2007 12:41 AM

I know all too well how you feel. I wish you all the support in the world, Sweets. You know how to reach me. :hug:

trooworld 10-08-2007 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoulBliss (Post 1884620)
I know all too well how you feel. I wish you all the support in the world, Sweets. You know how to reach me. :hug:

I know you totally know how I feel. You've been through this, too. I just feel like I am drowning and everyday I fall more behind. The smart thing I did at the beginning of the semester is that I talked to my teachers about my depression/anxiety problems and told them how it affects my schooling so they wouldn't be surprised if I am not in class a lot. They were all very supportive and warm (one of my teachers even gave me a hug!) and that takes a lot of the stress of my shoulders. It helps to have people on your side.

B, are you in school right now? How's it going?

blondebritbrat17 10-08-2007 01:49 AM

Wow Trooworld, I could have written your post. I've had major depressive disorder since I was 14 and it took me until I was 21 to find the "right" medication for me due to the fact that the meds would work for me for a year or so then my body and mental state would go haywire and then of course my emotional state would just go nuts! I've been on Wellbutrin XL going on 3 years. I'm in college now myself and have really never had a real job other than babysitting or helping my mother out since she is very ill a lot from complications from various of health issues and has been since I was 19. I'm almost 24 now btw. That was good you told your teachers about your issue. I have the same issues/worries will I be able to handle all of the things in my life like my marriage, taking care of my mom plus being employed full time after I get out of college and anxiety about having a good successful career. But I think you're on the right track to realizing there are other ways to help you relax instead of taking some ativan. Anyways I just was really struck at how your post sounded so much alike to me.

I hope things are going better for you now!

pinkice 10-08-2007 01:51 AM

...................

trooworld 10-08-2007 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondebritbrat17 (Post 1884638)
it took me until I was 21 to find the "right" medication for me due to the fact that the meds would work for me for a year or so then my body and mental state would go haywire and then of course my emotional state would just go nuts! I hope things are going better for you now!

I can totally relate to this. I have been on so many medications...almost everything available for depression or bipolar. I was on Wellbutrin for several years and it really made a difference then it pooped out. Right now, I'm on Lamictal, Risperdal and Ativan. It's frustrating because in the back of my mind I know that they can stop working at anytime and then I will be a mess again and go back to square one.

Unfortunately, I am not feeling better this morning. I have decided to skip my class today (today is a lucky day in that I only have one class) and take care of myself. This involves eating right and doing my homework (at least as much as I can) with a break or two to leisurely lay on the couch and watch Tivo'd shows that I am behind on. I have to remind myself that I can only do so much and do the best that I can do and that's all that they can expect from me. What worries me too, is that I want to go to grad school next fall and to get into the program I need to have a B average. Right now, it's a B average but if I screw up this semester, I'm not going to be able to get in. And there are only two schools that offer the program in CA (library sciences), so it would wreck my plans.

Thanks for your support. I really appreciate it.

LABarb 10-08-2007 10:53 AM

I feel for you, I'm on meds for depression, and most days it works great, but once in awhile I still feel overwhelmed...and want to turn to food. Instead I call a friend or email one...I get all my emotions out to them and I feel relieved afterwards and don't overeat. I'm online everyday, if you ever want to unload...good luck!

trooworld 10-08-2007 02:43 PM

Thanks, LABarb...I appreciate that. I didn't go to class today and I am about to start on the mound of homework I have to do. I just have to remember that all I have to do is the best that I can do. That's all I can do.

trooworld 10-10-2007 10:37 AM

Well, things have continued to get worse. I figured out how much I had to do: I had/have to this week: 440 pages, 2 assignments, on friday I have to write an essay and work on a literature project. It's no wonder I'm so stressed out. I missed class on Monday and yesterday. Last night, my husband and I went to a chinese buffet and I ate like a pig. I just want to be able to handle my emotions. I have goals set for myself (see tickers) and I'll never make them eating like this.

Shanice Crawford 10-18-2007 03:54 PM

Hello Board
I understand about depression most people don't understand your struggle. Yes but the medecations make you feel good and be yourself because to tell you the truth we're not ourselves when we're depressed and people try to hide it from their family knowing full well that they know that they are not being thierselves

trooworld 10-18-2007 04:53 PM

that's true, Shanice. I'm just not myself when I am feeling bad. Everyone can tell. I try to stay away from people when I feel bad because I don't want to bring anyone else down. My poor husband has to deal with its ugliness.

I'm feeling a lot better. I'm still having spurts of depression, but in general I am much better. Thanks everyone.

Shanice Crawford 10-18-2007 06:18 PM

Hey
I'm glad you're feeling better and I'm sure you husband understands about your depression and this is not you and I"m sure you're going to be much better just keep taking your meds and thanks for responding to my post

freiamaya 10-18-2007 07:54 PM

Hey trooworld! Don't be so hard on yourself! Perhaps just prioritize what has to happen and go for it. Weight will come and it will go, that's for sure. Just do the best that you can do, and focus on your studies as best as you can. Sounds like you have a great hubby, too. I'll bet if you asked him, he'd tell you that you were pretty awesome for doing everything that you are doing and still holding your head up.

trooworld 10-19-2007 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shanice Crawford (Post 1897548)
Hey
I'm glad you're feeling better and I'm sure you husband understands about your depression and this is not you and I"m sure you're going to be much better just keep taking your meds

You know, taking my meds makes all the difference. This time the depression was just situational...I can't handle even the slightest bit of stress and my school load was just too much for me to handle. I saw what was coming up and I knew it would be tough but I didn't know that I would almost have a breakdown because of it. It reminded me of just how fragile my mental state is...if I stopped taking my meds for a week or two, I'd be right back in that state probably. Thank YOU!

Quote:

Originally Posted by freiamaya (Post 1897613)
Sounds like you have a great hubby, too.

Well, the good news is that even though it was a poopy week, I still managed to lose something like .2 lbs. Not much, but at least I didn't gain like I expected I would. I do have a great hubby, I'm lucky...I had to kiss a lot of frogs to get to my prince, as they say. ;) Thanks for your support...I appreciate it. It helps so much to have you all to share things with. If I didn't have you guys, I would probably be totally off track and may not have gotten back on track for months and months.

blondebritbrat17 10-19-2007 02:18 PM

Glad to see you are feeling better! I can totally relate to staying home and not wanting to see anybody since you don't want to bring them down but unfortunately our hubbies get the brunt of it. I'm kind of down right now myself but at least you're feeling better that makes me feel better and makes me realize eventually things will get better for me and I will snap out of it!


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