Yes I have a little boy who's the love of my life, it's just a joy to watch him grow. I have my own business, I set my own hours, I work from home, I can make as much or little as I want depending on how hard I work. I'm only 20 lbs overweight now and if I'd stop cheating so much I'd lose it easily this summer/early fall. My figure is basically a good one, tall, it's just I hate the fat like everyone else and at 39 I'm losing my youth - unless I workout like heck and try to meet impossible expectations set my celebrities and magazines that I read all too much of. Moving is a good thing, I love our new place but have to wait 2-3 weeks as someone is being evicted, it's just the limbo and the heat. We have a nearby lake, biking trails, parks, I'll have a place to board my horse and can start riding again as it'll be convenient, there's good preschools for my boy. I don't know why I'm in such an awful mood - I think maybe it's moving, divorce stuff and having a holiday go by feeling lonely. Even last night at fireworks I tried to get myself to stop moping but everyone around me was a couple with kids, I felt so single - but my boy kept saying he loved me and the things we do. He only knows him and I, and he's right we have a good time. We camped two weeks on a semi business trip of mine recently, we went to a lake the other day, we do have fun the kid and I. I just married a jerk from **** and I let him destroy me for years, he was quite abusive acutally, verbally and physically and I think maybe I have self esteem issues from all of that. I like having him in another state, now he's saying he'll move back and do a custody battle, hope he's bluffing but as any mother the process is scary but the ball is in my court, he was abusive, he left, the works... it's me running scared. I'm looking forward to our new home - and of course I have plans for a very serious workout area. I'm getting into weight training and maybe some minor body building and there's a perfect semi room behind the living room for this. I'm not just going to knock the weight I'm going to seriously tone up. But I really do think this St. John's Wort I need to stay on, my highs and lows aren't so bad on it it seems. I've thought of other prescribed drugs to get through a divorce and likely a war with my ex but I don't really believe in them, and I'm afraid of them. If I could just get moved here and on with this new liife - starting over, gaining control, not living in a junky rental home anymore.
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