ladies i love you guys. honestly it feels so good to have anybody actually care whats going on with me. i feel like i bug my friends so i never want to complain to them. this is how my life is going right now. im back to 191 . im depressed. i really hate the way i feel, i hate the way i look and i feel like a whale everywhere i go.im just so frustrated with this weight thing. me and the guy arent dating but still love each other, still talk, still go out. i just cant date him because of the activities hes choosing to participate in. like drinking. i have this whole perfection complex. i dont know. ive always wanted to be an entertainer. so when we broke up i decided to do things ive always wanted to do. join a gym, which i go to everyday even though i have yet to see results. and i signed up for acting school i take classes everyday of the week from commercial techniques to runway, to stand up comedy. well this plays a part in my depression as well . i am the only person in the whole school who cant wear a cheerio as a belt. i feel sooooo huge next to these twigs. and so out of place, like i dont deserve to be there no matter how talented i am. . . i hate being fat, alone, and the center of everyones thoughts. i got a lot of my friends back that i had before i started dating this guy. and now when he finds out i have been talking to any of them that are guys he makes me feel so guilty. but were not even dating, and when i say that he says well how would you feel. and i know it would hurt me. even though the situations are totally different. and im confused. last night i had a dream where i kissed my brothers best friend. i dont know why. also . . . i know this is getting long . . . sorry. im poor as h3ll. . . .i work every day and my pay checks suck. im not in school besides acting because i dont know what else i want to do . just entertainment but i know i need a back up plan but what???? i dont go out. i tried i went to my first club ever with some girls from work. but god that isnt my scene. i wanted to go home after 30 minutes. i hated it . im not like other 20 year olds. . . and sometimes i wish i was. i didnt like it because i dont like people touching me, especially ones i dont know, i dont drink , i dont smoke and thats all everyone was doing, and im so innocent with men. im very lady like. i cant just start flirting with any guy like they do , and be all nasty grinding up on guys they just met. and the girls i went with ditched me for guys and i just sat there alone. in this room that was so loud i got a migrane. grrrrr. i just want things to get better already . and believe me theres more thats bugging me , like the beautiful girls who change next to me in the locker room at the gym and look at me like what the heck have you been doing here watching us work out while your on your big butt. but ive vented enough for now : ) thanks for your ears. ..
Yaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!! The cheating fairy did not visit yesterday! I stayed OP. It really helped me to write down my very specific plan for eating, so I will do that again today.
W - 8 - 32 oz. before noon, 8 oz. @ noon, 3PM, 6PM and 9PM E - Week 4/Day 1 c25k E - Fruit until dinner
California Tostada Main Course Salad for dinner
Fruit for a snack after dinner. D - Fail to plan and plan to fail.
freeqeegrl - So glad you posted! You are feeling frustrated, sad and hopeless by the sounds of things. It's hard to pull out of that spin, isn't it? I relate so much to what you're saying. When I was 22, my first love and I broke up. We had been together 2 years. He was my knight in shining armour. I was in College for singing when I met him. When I finished College he moved to my hometown to be with me. Talk about true love. About a year into being together in my hometown, my Mom had an emotional breakdown. I was a BASKET CASE!! My true love couldn't stick with me through this rough patch. So, I was at my lowest of lows. My Mom was in the psych ward, my true love abandoned me, my Dad drank even more then he did before so he was still not there for me. I WISH I HAD KNOWN that therapy would have been a great support for me through this trying time!!! I am 43 years old now and I did therapy for a year at age 30 and then again at age 40. Each time has been a much needed support that got me through the downward spiral of darkness that I was in.
I am a professional singer like you want to be. All the more reason to get as much support as possible around you, because it is a tough career emotionally-wise and financially-wise. I don't say that to discourage you. I say that to encourage you to get support! And I can't stress enough how the right therapist is the best kind of support. That person is a professional at what they do and therefore it is MUCH different from getting support from your friends and family.
In the meantime, whether you take that advice or not, what is your plan for eating OP today? Do you think you could muster up a plan, or is that too much right now?
I Dont Know About A Plan Im Trying To Just Make Sure I Eat. I Dont Have An Eating Problem Or Anything, But I Just Dont Have Time During The Day To Fit In More Then One Meal . .. And Its Usually At Like 11 Pm. So Thats My Main Focus. I Go To The Gym Every Day. But My Nutrition Is My Weakness..oh And Drinking More Water . Those Are My Plans.
awwwwww, freeqieG, how I remember being 20 and feeling different than anyone - not that I was overweight tho' (I was a speed freak at the time!) - but for a lot of reasons that sound similar to yours. WOW! a professional singer clykkie? Right On! I hated advice at your age, freeqieG - but we didn't have m/b's and 46 yr old cyber-friends like me available so maybe I would have been receptive to the advice I'm about to give ya????
Lose the toxic boyfriend.
That simple. The whole "we're not dating but we still love each other and still go out and I can't meet any friends I like" syndrome wasted 7 years of my life. Not bitter about it - but just telling ya - things really do get crystal clear in hindsight, GF! Some people are toxic and you could go to therapy to find out why you're drawn to them - insecurity? boredom? a need to "feel safe?"
whatEVAH.
Do yourself a favor and CLEARLY cut it. No blurry gray lines - all black & white cut it with this dude. Say some kind of cliche about "needing your space" and then cut the communication by always being busy etc - no DRAMA - just unavailable. Trust me - the stranger on the message board - this isn't love - it's a phase and love will come to you and it will make you feel Great and not torn. Faith. Gotta get some! You'll feel stronger for doing so and that will then affect all other areas of your life: POSITIVELY! LOTS to do besides club-hop . . . My 21 year old hangs out at a coffee shop and has a whole new circle of friends than some of the Loser from her HS - they have a blast drinking coffee!!! Thrs nites they play *get this* MOUSETRAP at a table at the coffeehouse - CRACKS me up!!!!! You are so beautiful in your pic - but also your words! So glad you Posted and hope you start planning and eating some mini-meals thru-out the day - will help the depression.
Jeni:Thanks for explaining what WEED stands for. It now makes sense to me. I sure had it goofed up trying to figure it out on my own! What kind of pedometer do you have? I checked out the ones 3FC's have advertised and one seems to be worth the extra $. I do a lot of walking with my job too, but I'm not sure how many miles I walk in a day. I'm usually out walking for a straight 4 hours. (I read water meters, so I'm going up & down hills in peoples backyards for most of the time.) I'm usually walking M-F for about 2.5 weeks and then I'm off for 7-10 days. (This is probably why I don't keep the weight off most of the time.) Good for you that you are able to lose weight while you are not working. Keep up the great work!Aud: I plan on getting the "WEED" on starting on Monday for sure. Maybe tomorrow if I can have everyone else eat the leftover cake from my dd's birthday party. I'm taking care of my niece & nephew tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be kept busy in the pool with them and away from the naughty food! I'm looking forward to posting with you all here. I'll get some "WEED" with the rest of you! lolHolyteror
Glad to hear that your jeans are fitting better. That's always a good feeling!
Hope you're all rested up soon! Freeqeegrl: I'm glad that I have found this group too! Just to warn you.... (I'm another one of those 46 y/o ladies out here. I'm young at heart though!) Ask my teenage daughter and she'll tell you too! I totally agree with AUD, dump the boyfriend now and move on to better things in life! I've been there and done that, so take the advice from two-46 y/o ladies and wash that boy right out of your life! Keep busy with your friends and you will see your self-esteem rise 'n shine! When that happens, everything will seem easier, including losing that weight! We're here for you! Clykk: Glad to hear that the cheating fairy stayed away. PLEASE, don't send her my way! Also, I'm glad to see another "40" something posting here too! We can give those young chicks some advice, couldn't we? And they can keep us young at heart! Well, I guess I'd better get off the 'puter before I somehow lose this post. TTFN
W - 6 E - Rest. Aaahh! E - Fruit until noon. (DID IT! That's always a little extra difficult for me on the Sunday's that I sing, like today, because I expend so much energy singing that I get quite hungry. But I made it.)
For lunch a turkey sandwich with tomato and alfalfa sprouts. Yummy!
For snack today...OK now it gets challenging as I am heading over to a friend's house for the afternoon and for dinner. I don't know what she'll put in front of me. She is an AWESOME cook, so I think I will simply enjoy small amounts of snacks and stick with the same plan of small amounts with regards to dinner, dessert and drinks. D - Bring your wise, healthy self to the party and you'll take good care of yourself.
BTW, yesterday was another OP day in everyway. I could literally feel the fat cells being burned off. Either that or it was my muscles expanding. Either way, things were happening in the right direction!
Hey, aud & Freckles, nice to have some other old boots to hang with!
freeqeegrl - More water. Now that's a great start to filling out your WEED! How did it go today? Did you get more water in that lovely bod or yours? I know my water intake has increased by about 32 oz since I have been a part of this challenge. What are you doing that keeps you so busy you can't eat!!! Do tell!
Hi everyone - Just got back from the weekend at camp. Good news is it's a great place to get away on the weekends - on the lake, beautiful and quiet. Bad news - it's close to the casino, where we went to the buffet - TWICE!! I haven't had such a bad couple of days since I started losing in May. Had a brownie with ice cream and strawberries both days, along with a bunch of other stuff that I shouldn't have. On the good side, I didn't eat anywhere near the amount that I would have in the "old days". Not looking forward to getting on the scale tomorrow, but I figure I deserve whatever the reading is - I'll take it like a man .
Tomorrow, after the scale, right back on track:
W - 48 oz
E - strict Fat Smash Phase 1
E - 45 minutes (at least) on treadmill
D - I'm not letting the weekend be an excuse to give up. I am not the old me, I can do it this time!
freeqee - I'm so glad that you feel like you can vent here. Even though it sometimes seems like cyberfriends aren't real, they're really good listeners Just from what little you've told us, I have to agree with aud and freckles about losing 175 pounds by getting rid of the guy. It's the old !@#$ or get off the pot rule. Sounds like the non-boyfriend is trying to be a little too controlling for a non-boyfriend.
freckles - so glad you get the WEED thing now. I'm looking forward to getting to know you. Good luck!
clykk - I guess I kind of knew that you're a musician, but it got lost in the shuffle. I teach music class and choir to middle schoolers (11 - 14 year olds). What kind of singing do you do?
Hi Ladies,
Havin issues of my own here.....I'm waiting for all my hard work to show SOME payoff. Been working out every day this week, been eating very close to plan as possible....and nothing's showing. unless I drop 14 lbs between now and labor day I will not see my goal again. I'm ready to see the 189's right now! Been workin real hard and I'm not sure why I'm not.
I'm not giving up though. I made it thru my first week of c25k workouts, and i'm real proud of how I've worked out every day at work. I would just like to see some vindication of my work. DH doesn't see it, my coworkers don't see it. My jeans fit baggier in the butt, but the tape measure doesn't show a change around the usual places. Maybe my butt's just gonna drop off before everything else LOLOLOLOL
ok i'm gonna go lie down for a while, i've got a monster headache today....
helloooo everyone. long time no write it seems. It hasnt been too long...but still.
Anyways I got through my test with an 85...not too shabby.
Then I had my 5K on Saturday. I ran the entire way and finished in 28:32. I had a great time and felt so proud of myself after it was over. Next week is my last week of the c25k. I just can't believe all the progress I have made so far.
W- 8 glasses
E- Slim Fast Optima diet
E- REST day
D- i can do it (couldnt think of anything more clever)
The cheating fairy did not visit yesterday! I stayed OP. It really helped me to write down my very specific plan for eating, so I will do that again today.
) - but for a lot of reasons that sound similar to yours. WOW! a professional singer clykkie?
Right On! I hated advice at your age, freeqieG - but we didn't have m/b's and 46 yr old cyber-friends like me available so maybe I would have been receptive to the advice I'm about to give ya????
Some people are toxic and you could go to therapy to find out why you're drawn to them - insecurity? boredom? a need to "feel safe?" 
LOTS to do besides club-hop . . . My 21 year old hangs out at a coffee shop and has a whole new circle of friends than some of the Loser from her HS - they have a blast drinking coffee!!! Thrs nites they play *get this* MOUSETRAP at a table at the coffeehouse - CRACKS me up!!!!! You are so beautiful in your pic - but also your words!
.
Just from what little you've told us, I have to agree with aud and freckles about losing 175 pounds by getting rid of the guy. It's the old !@#$ or get off the pot rule. Sounds like the non-boyfriend is trying to be a little too controlling for a non-boyfriend.
