[ScooterGirl]

Poor Ellis!



I hope the meds your taking start helping soon!
Until they do hang in there and tell your trainer to stuff it if he's mean! Sometimes you have to sort out one thing at a time!

[da fat n da furious]

Ellis, sounds like you are in the black hole,,,I call it that cause I have been in that black hole,,,some holes are bigger then others but I know that feeling. At 26 yrs old I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and after all the dust settled I crumbled. I laid in bed for weeks,,crying. I am not an emotional sharing kind of person,,at least not back then. I have opened up big time now. But I know I scared my family and friends once their realized I couldn't/wouldn't come out of my room. I regularly called the crisis centre and would cry to this unknown person. So much safer that way. But it got to the point where I couldn't go on, I was willing to let it all go. I was had one councillor whom I talked with most of the time who convinced me to make an emergency call to my Dr. I couldn't even drive I was crying so hard. My neighbour (true friend I know now) drove me, took me in the back way, (small town) and I sat in his office and cried for a solid 3 hours. My family Dr. sat and held me for most of that time. His shirt was drenched. HE gave me a shot, sent me home and then stopped by the house on his way home. I went on antidepressents for the next 2 years. I had to try different kinds to best match me. But they helped. I did my therapy, that helped. And just having a couple of friends who knew my story helped.

I every so often feel down,,,but never as close as that time in my life.
Ellis I hope you feel better soon...big hugs

[ellis]

Jodi, Scooter and Angelia, thank you so much for the hugs. You're the best.
After I read my post yesterday, I thought, "Yikes, I should delete that... it's such a dump!" But then I thought, "No. I'm entitled to a dump every once in awhile, right?" You're just the best.

Yesterday wasn't as bad as I anticipated. The doctor at my weight loss clinic was SO nice! I mean, he's always nice, but he was really supportive yesterday. He said, "When you're depressed, I don't want you to even try to lose weight. Life is hard enough in those circumstances. You don't have to journal, you don't have to exercise if you can't. I don't care what you eat. All I want is for you to eat your three meals and three snacks, and to be good to yourself." Naturally, his supportiveness made me burst into tears.
He didn't even weight me! He just sort of "blessed me" and sent me on my way.

Then I saw my trainer, who was just as sweet. He didn't weigh me or try to measure me (thank GOD!). Didn't make me do any crazy stunts with a ball or a treadmill. All he did was suggest that I join a recently started running club. So I'm going to do it! All fat people... huffing and puffing. Some of them have never run before. Many with no self-confidence regarding running. I'm so excited about joining!

Angelia, I'm sorry you've been in that hole, too. It breaks my heart to hear about other people going through it, because I know how terrible it is. It's indescribable to anyone who hasn't experienced it.
What a wonderful neighbour, and what a WONDERFUL doctor you have. I know we can't expect everyone to "drop everything" to support us. People have their own "stuff" to deal with. But just being able to communicate our needs to a few good people is everything.
Thank you for being so supportive... particularly after you said how hard it is to support others when you're doing poorly! That means a lot, hon.
I hope today is good for you.

Jodi, I'm thinking about you with the smoking. What a great day you had yesterday, girl! Planning is everything for some of us. Hang in there, sweetie... you're doing it!
(Sorry, hon... your planning thread has become a little intense. We'll all try to get back on track. )

I saw a really supportive friend yesterday. We went to a park, and he taught me to play chess. It was so much fun! I had to really concentrate to learn the moves, but I think I'm already almost as good as he is. He was a little perturbed when I started beating him. (he's not a good player at all, but it made me feel REALLY good about myself. heh heh)
I'm feeling not too bad today. (knock on wood) A little nauseas (a side effect of the meds, maybe?) and still a little emotional, but I don't feel like I need to check into emergency anytime soon. A definite improvement from two days ago.

Today I'm planning:
A walk.
As healthy a food plan as I can manage.

Have a good day, everyone!

[da fat n da furious]

Ellis, I have to thank you for feeling you can share with us, Ive always had this image of the Mods having it together...been there done that and let me show how to succeed as I am. And some have, and some are like me or a few steps ahead. But to me you really do know the struggles cause you are right there in the trenches with us. Makes me like you even more. (geesh not cause you are struggling,,,but you can share that you are)
hugs,

[ellis]

Angelia, thank you so much for saying that. It made me get all weepy (but in a good way )
Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't share that stuff because I have this idea that "it's not about me" here. But that's not right... I started here as a member just like everyone else... with needs. And being slim isn't a prerequisite to being a moderator (thank goodness. heh heh. You should see how many of us are still fat! )
That's what I love about the three sisters. They're not Suzanne Somers or Jane Fonda, but they ARE a success story in that they haven't given up the struggle to be healthy.
It's very inspirational reading success stories with pictures of slim, fit people, but sometimes I feel a bit alienated from that whole scene, you know? Hopefully someday (DEFINITELY! Let's be positive, here!) I'll be slim again, but in the meantime, I need to know that I'm not the only one struggling. And that I'm not a failure if I have a bad day.

Does anyone remember ... oh, what was her name... "something" Rubens, I think. She had a regular column in Self magazine. (I think it was Self) She was this beautiful, big girl trying to lose weight, and she did a sort of blog thing. She was up and down like a yo-yo, and I just loved her for it. I wanted her to succeed, but I loved that she was struggling just as hard as the rest of us.
What the heck was her name...

Oh. This is the planning thread, isn't it? Jodi, where are you? I hope you're not on the back deck digging into a pack of ciggies.

M1: omelet (thank you, sweet DH) chock full of onions, red pepper, broccoli and tomatoes w/a little cheese
M2: slice of whole wheat w/peanut butter
M3: hot dog w/cheese
M4: risotto w/broccoli
M5: handful of plain tostitos. Two pickles.
M6:

Courtney Rubin!

[da fat n da furious]

meal 1. eggs (whites) and salsa with oats and nuts toast. coffee/milk
meal 2.

[ScooterGirl]

Angelia, I'm so glad you had a friend to drive you to the doctor and a doctor that was that caring!!!

Ellis, Amen to that! I want to hear about the flawed real people who fail occassionally and yet keep fighting. Glad things are a little better!

My plan:
Snuggle with my baby boy until he wakes up from his nap and then go for a family walk.