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the deadly decline of an eating disorder, Help

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Old 10-29-2003, 07:57 PM   #1
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Default the deadly decline of an eating disorder, Help

I just need to talk and ask for help. It all started when I was young. I was a chunky kid. My mother always told me to watch my weight because nobody likes a fat person. So in the ninth grade I went on a diet and lost the weight. I found out my mother was right. All of a sudden I was noticed by those around me. I became one of the gang. This was start of my demise. I feared gaining weight after that. I kept getting smaller. This lasted into my twenties. It was a pattern of either starving myself or throwing it up when I did eat. And I was pretty heavy on the laxatives too. Then I started having chest pains and fainting spells. This scared the crap out of me. I entered an eating disorders program. I did well for a few years. I gained some weight back. I got married and had kids. Having the kids I gave myself the excuse to eat. I went to the high end of normal for my height. I refused to binge and purge while I was pregnant. After 3 kids in 4 years the fear of being fat came back with a vengence. I'm practically unstoppable at binging and purging. Of course you don't really lose weight that way, but it allows me to eat the things I want and as much of it as I can. I've started a nitritional plan. The problem is I don't feel full unless I over eat. I crave breads, pastries and sweets. I have lost my will power I had as an anorexic. Which makes my self-esteem even lower. I see a shrink and a counselor but I find little help in it. I think I need help from someone who is where I am at or has been there before. So, I am reaching out for healthy eating buddy. I hope someone can help. Thanks for reading, Laura
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Old 10-30-2003, 11:02 AM   #2
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Hi Laura -

My story is similar to yours but to a lesser degree. I was always told I was fat when I was young. My brothers liked to call me "butter buns". My weight has been a constant struggle and last year I started purging (without the binging) by throwing up and abusing lots of laxatives. My husband found out and started talking to one of my best friends - who has been struggling with anorexia for years - and they are helping me through this. For me, I started doing Atkins. It keeps me feeling full and when I'm losing weight, I don't feel the compulsion to take pills or make myself throw up. I realize that atkins isn't right for everyone and you're going to have to find your own path, but I'm here to talk and listen if you'd like a buddy.
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Old 10-30-2003, 12:10 PM   #3
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I'm 18 and have been struggling with Bulimia for the last year ( I occasionally have done it since I was 13 - once every other month or so, but for the last year I have been unstoppable and b/p at least 4 times a week sometimes that many times in a day!)
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Old 10-30-2003, 12:13 PM   #4
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I really want to stop, i already have had dizzy spells and had 2,000 dollars worth of dental repair, which i'm assuming is from the acid in puke. I thought joining ww would help me stop this cycle, and it has for 5 weeks, but for the last week and half I seem unable to stop it, and have gained 2 lbs. ( which just makes it worse) Sometimes I get suicidal because I think I will never be cured......Does anyone know of anybody that has suffered from bulimia and are now binge/purge free?
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Old 10-30-2003, 12:29 PM   #5
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I don't think I was full-on bulimic, but I was definitely headed there. For me, my own self-loathing would make me throw up. No finger needed. *sigh*

I think it's important to not only make peace with our bodies, but also make peace with ourselves as people. I don't know about you, but my eating problem has been the result of far more than just not liking the way I look, it's also about not liking who I am, or what's happening in my life. It's been about being able to control something when I feel like I can control nothing else in my life. Which is why it just spirals down with the binging/purging cycle - that quest for control just makes everything more out of control.

I've been working on controlling the things that I should in my life and more importantly, I've been working very hard to learn to let certain things go and change my perspective. Maybe if we don't hang on so damn tight, we won't strangle.
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Old 10-31-2003, 08:59 AM   #6
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Well Said!...I am guilty of this. And sometimes it makes a huge mess of your life!...To much unhealthy control in one are..makes no contol in other areas that really need some guidance. Finding the balance is the problem!
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Old 11-04-2003, 08:04 PM   #7
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I wish I could help you but I really don't think I have all that much encouragement to give. I've had eating disorders off and on since 8th grade...I'm 20 now and am currently slipping back into a mix of bulimia/anorexia. I guess what I've heard is true...once you have an eating disorder, you always have an eating disorder...complete recovery is impossible. I never really ever stopped having an eating disorder...no matter how much I eat or how thin I am I always obsess 24/7 about food, wondering how many calories are in the grape I just put in my mouth and if it will make me gain weight. I've been pretty good about bulimia recently, although every couple weeks or so I eat a bowl of salad and just feel so fat I run and puke everything up before I can think about it. Darn darn darn. The things that seem to help me (even if only temporary distractions) are supportive family and friends.
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Old 11-05-2003, 02:01 AM   #8
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Hi Laura, I'm so sorry you're going through this. All my life, I was told I was fat by aunts, cousins and various "friends" and other relatives. I was not fat as I look at my photos. Now, I am. I never had the problem of purging like you do simply because it was just one of the "diets" I failed. I couldn't even do that! Talk about a diet failure, that was me. But like Star Princess, I'm on the Akins Diet and have lost 65 pounds and have gained back 20-the reason I'm here on this site now. This seems like a great place to get support and give it at the same time. So I'm here too to listen.

I can sure binge. For me carbs like what you mentioned, and sugar is carbs and will set me off like a time bomb! I never get full on them, even on controlled portion diets-except Atkins. I will eat and eat and eat them. I tried WW for years and years, Diet Center, Nutri-Systems...they did not work for me. I'm 45. So now, although I have had some setbacks due to recent stresses in life, I am so confident in this diet. Otherwise, I would have not been able to stick with it for 3 years and 4 months.

Now, all those people still torture me with the fact I am on "the terrrible Atkins Diet that is bad for me, and that it does not work." I let them boil and stew now that they see it does work, and I consider them a minor annoyance in my life. I let it be part of my motivation to stay on a healthy diet.

I'm concerned for you with the heart pains and fainting you once had. Our bodies cannot take too much of that. I feel you would like the Atkins, or perhaps give it a two week try since you can eat without guilt and the craving disappear! It's a very healthy, nutritious diet. It sounds like you have wonderful children who need you too.

I have never felt more powerful with any other diet, honestly. Whenever I have slipped, it has been because of others pressure or nasty looks that I will not eat their food. We have to take care of ourselves in a healthy way. The benefit for me is that I can eat great foods WHILE I lose weight. It also helps with depression...it has lots of great features like that! I'll be here, Barbie
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Old 11-06-2003, 10:48 PM   #9
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Hi Laura!
*hugs*
I can definately relate to what you said about growing up, I'm so sorry. I had my second child four months ago and since then I've been restricting and bineging and purging like mad, I reached an obese weight, I vowed never to get that high again and justify doing what I do by telling myself more people die from obesity than ED's, but I've been having bad stomach and chest pains lately and it reminds me just how bad a toll this takes on the body. I'm sorry for what you are going through now...After such a long period of starvation, your body is going to try to get you to eat as much as it can, and the only way to find that "normal" [whatever that is] balance is to slowly change your eating habits so that your body will realize you're not starving it or purging away the food anymore. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here! I wish you luck with your nutritional plan and recovery!
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Old 11-14-2003, 11:49 AM   #10
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OK, I also have fought the binge purge thing. Except, I didn't like to vomit, just large amounts of rx water pills and lots of exlax. It took me passing out on Christmas night one year and my husband had to call 911. Not a very Merry Christmas. I now need to lose about 75lbs. I'm over 200lbs. I was also just diagnosed with Graves Disease, had to have radiation and now have no thyroid. Thought it was hard to lose weight before, you should see it now. I can honestly say since the night I passed out I have never done anything to purge again. OK, so I'm overweight now. But I feel healthier than I did when I was wearing a size 3. I used to sit in front of the mirror and cry because I thought I was huge. I'm sick and tired of feeling bad! I want to lose weight, but I don't want to die. I have to beautiful kids that need me and a husband that loves me! I Rock his world! Now I just need to find my own way. That 's what it is about finding your own way. To **** with everyone else and what they think. You can not keep on that way. Get help from anyone and everyone. Go to therapy. Find things that make you happy. Be it art, movies, shopping, playing with your kids, singing, going to church. And the bask in it. Live life. We get one shot on this earth. Don't you think it should be well worth it. Don't you thing we deserve to enjoy it? Never Give UP!!
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