This is my very first post on this forum, right after i registered.
I have come to a point in my life where i have to admit i have a serious problem that i don't seem to control anymore...
I was never a skinny girl, yet i maintained a healthy weight troughout most of my childhood. It started when i was about 16 i think. I used to be home alone every wednesday afternoon after school. I realised that there was no one home to watch what i was eating or to critisice me for eating too much. And month after month it got worse: i would eat and eat everything that was in the house or available to me.
At first it was somewhat under control. I would stop when i felt full and i had a sense of 'this is too much'. So gradually i started gaining weight, but not significantly until i was about 18 years old. Now i realise that i was seriously binge-eating by then. I would cook whole meals when i was alone, and then eat again with the family at night. It got so bad that i started eating every time someone left the house or i was alone, and i felt out of control. I felt like i HAD to eat every time i was alone.
By the time i started going to university i had my own studio in a student's house where i stayed during the week. Things started getting REALY out of hand by then... I would go to the supermarket after classes and buy everything i wanted to binge on that night. It would go that far that during classes i planned out everything i wanted to eat that night and composed a shopping list allready in my head. In the evening i would eat 'till i literally felt sick and couldn't eat anymore.
My weight has been seriously out of control ever since. I'm 22 now and have a BMI of 36 and high bloodpressure. I'm scared to death of this. I have tried losing weight on my own or with the support of dieticians for years, but always with the same results: i would lose about 5 kg or 11 pounds in a month, and after that i would lose control again. Right now i live with my boyfriend in an appartement, i'm happy and i have a job. Yet the only thing i can't seem to control are these sickening binges everytime i'm home alone...
I know it's a long post, but it's the first time i've actually sat down and wrote or told this story. I know what healthy food is, i know how to lose weight, the only thing that stops me from achieving my goals is this monster inside of me that just wants to come out and eat everything in sight, and it costs me sooo much energy to supress it, i feel completely out of control.
I just wanted to get in touch with others that face this problem. I want to know how they handle it and what helps them. So i can maybe finally help myself