Seems to me there would be a lot of posts on this very important set of criteria.
I have been on life's journey for quite a while now, 73 almost 74 years.
The response to your first question is being secure in myself, learning how to and applying it. Not allowing others to dictate how I feel nor think nor what I want to be, what I am or want to be. To realize I am the captain of my own ship and I am the most important person in the world to me. To not allow others any space in my head from critical criticism, they pay no rent and do not belong there.
1. - spiritual life, relationships and emotional control. These all relate back to the first sentence. They are all equally important, with any missing I do not have the others. And as for spiritual life, I do not mean religion, but instead a meaningful way of life with happiness, thoughtful consideration of others but not at an undue cost to ones self. Relationships... as with all other people, I am not speaking of boy/girl stuff. The boy/girl stuff will take care of itself if you have your life in order. Emotions... One must have control of their emotions, be aware of all but keep them under control. Either you control your emotions or your emotions control you. If you do not have emotional control you will not succeed at anything but street sweeping, and there will be some not wanting you to sweep in front of their houses. No one wants to work with an overly emotional person, nor work for one nor have one for a supervisor working under them. Emotional decisions almost always are the wrong decisions. But a person should be in touch with their emotions as well. An emotion-less person is as bad as an overly emotional person, nobody wants to be around them also. The definition for a gentleman and lady are the same except for gender.... One who is kind, considerate and thoughtful towards others. One must be spiritual in order to do that well, and those are prime requirements for all relationships, whether personal, family, true love, fellow workers and public in general to succeed and the key to being respected and loved by others.
2. - food.. will be no problem if one is proficient at the above. People with addictive problems are people who have personal personality problems which need to be resolved in order to work through the addictive problem.
In Alcoholics Anonymous, which started the 12 step programs and of which many therapy programs got their starts... In their meetings alcohol is not that much talked about. 90% of the talk is about spiritual, relationships, etc.
The other drug programs, and over-eaters anonymous also dwell on working on the personal problems, getting a spiritual life. They know that the addiction is but a symptom, one MUST treat the person. And the only person one can treat is them self. The only way to change another person is to change how you relate to them and they must to change in order to relate to the new you.
21 years alcohol free, 37 years tobacco free, losing weight-- so far down 65 from a little over a year ago. Plus fairly spiritual, under emotional control, secure in myself as a person and who decides his own path in life. I wish I had of learned how many many years earlier. I used to want to be anybody else besides myself. Now, I do not want to be anyone except myself.
I hope this helps a bit.
B F R