3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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-   -   IE - Sadness and letting go of diets (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/chicks-control/293423-ie-sadness-letting-go-diets.html)

Wannabeskinny 03-03-2014 10:38 AM

IE - Sadness and letting go of diets
 
I've been doing IE for about a month and have felt relatively well. My skills of discerning hunger are getting more keen. I'm also finding food more enjoyable, and other times struggling to enjoy something that I thought I would enjoy. For example yesterday we had an Oscars party and I made a prime rib, one of our favorites. As I was eating mindfully I found myself not enjoying it at all. Nothing was different about it than usual but I just didn't enjoy the texture or the flavor or anything about it really. I just didn't want it. This is all good, coming to some realizations about how and why I eat, everything is on track.

I digress, the struggle to find hope is lost on me these days. Letting go the scale, getting rid of clothes in my closet, everything is making me really sad and I don't know how to get past it. My friends are all happily chirping away about their diets and how they want to look for the summer, going shopping and looking forward and I'm trying to do something so completely different, nobody really understands it. I feel like I can't lose weight no matter what I do, and I have to spend a lot of energy accepting me as I am eventhough I've spent nearly a lifetime not wanting to.

I know there is no hope in dieting, I know that going on a diet will cause me to fail and gain more weight. I'm just hoping to get out of this funk soon and start to feel more positive. Anyone felt like they hit a wall sometimes? Who do you turn to for support? I do like to find support here honestly, but it's hard because there are so many dieters and who don't understand what it is that we need support with.

krampus 03-03-2014 11:12 AM

This forum is really diet-centric. A lot of weightlifting and fitness oriented sites concentrate on "F diets, F the scale" - for example stumptuous.com offers an e-book called "F&@k Calories" and the mastermind behind the site is very body positive.

Wannabeskinny 03-03-2014 11:21 AM

Thanks krampus, that is helpful. You're right that it's hard to find support around diet-centric people and I suddenly feel very out of place here. I will download that ebook.

pixelllate 03-03-2014 11:22 AM

Quote:

I feel like I can't lose weight no matter what I do, and I have to spend a lot of energy accepting me as I am eventhough I've spent nearly a lifetime not wanting to.
Perhaps change the goal on your ticker? That could be a big stress relief, like making the lb goal a bit smaller. Maybe a little self reminder that getting rid of clothes that are collecting dust anyways is pretty freeing. I remember holding onto clothes that I was half unsure if I would ever even fit into again, and even when I tried them on, I realized that I didn't even like the style anymore so I was hanging onto a dream size, not the fashion (I'm guessing that these are old clothes from the past right?)

I can relate to not having anyone to relate to in real life in general outside of weight, so instead, I just seek out understanding people who might not do exactly what I am doing, but they also try to be understanding of the "different strokes for different folks."

CindySunshine 03-04-2014 12:32 AM

Wannabe first off I think the end of a long winter in New York is enough to invoke sadness in the best of us...but seriously I think there are dips in feeling positive feelings in most cases including diet plateaus or whatever. I call this the patience issue for me, it's the knowledge that I'm doing the right thing but all the good results have just not had time to shine through and catch up. I try to think about how it would be to repeat the behavior over a year or several years and how great it would be.

You might look into the online forum for the a Intuitive Eating book published by Trobole and Resch. I can't post links but it is intuitiveeatingcommunity .org. At least there it is all about what you are trying to do. It isn't hugely active, but there are posts everyday and some great inspirational reading.

I also find for me it helps to reread the intuitive eating book and remember why I'm doing it. You are early on and just finished the reading or maybe still reading other books so this might not help at this point.

And the other thought that has helped me so much is treating my mind through yoga. Maybe this isn't your thing, but I find that taking care of myself and making me calm has helped me so much to then take care of my body. Sounds crazy and I wasn't ready for it at all when I was younger so I totally appreciate if this rings no bells for you now.

miniapplecocoa 03-04-2014 02:15 AM

Gasp, wannabe! Just yesterday I posted gripping and complaining about "dieting." And just how awful I felt HAVING to do it.

Your reply was very helpful to me. While I have to reduce my weight drastically because of health, I really aspire to be IE. I agree that focusing on dieting feels painful and like a waste of my time. While I may not ever get to the insurance weight numbers, my numbers will come down if I focus on getting them down. But, your input is/was vital for a person like me right now. I don't intend to do all this hoop jumping in the future. So, I must start now with some of those IE behaviors. I want to hear about what your doing.

I have a "High Raw" vegan daughter that is not at all cool with all the "dieting" behaviors. She eats what she wants, when she wants, til she is full and does not eat anything that she finds unenjoyable for whatever reasons. She is finely tuned in listening to her body for even the slightest deficiency in nutrients. She has trained her mind and her body for health. And is quite a good vegan chef/salad maker. She also has lost more than 150lbs doing just those things and being more active than I could ever even want to be. Bikes up to 20 miles etc etc. The whole process took 5 years/ongoing. BUT, LOSING WEIGHT WAS NEVER HER GOAL.

So, my point is that even tho some of our starting goals might be different I think even some "dieters" aspire to be where you are. And can relate, understand and support where you are. They may not be there yet. But its important to keep talking about it.

I hope I have been helpful to you in some way. You've been more helpful to me than you know.

Steelslady 03-04-2014 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny (Post 4955493)
Thanks krampus, that is helpful. You're right that it's hard to find support around diet-centric people and I suddenly feel very out of place here. I will download that ebook.

So sorry you feel this way! :hug: I love it here, but I am doing things my way and just enjoying the adventure of eating yummy and delicious foods while getting healthy. I respect others for how they eat and exercise, if they chose to do so, and so far, folks have been very respectful to me in return.

I don't consider myself on a "diet". This is a way of life that I followed years ago, back in my 20's, when I was a size 8/10 and looked great. Foolish me should have gone back to this way of life, instead of trying every dar gone diet out there that did nothing but left me hungry, tired, cranky, and craving foods I probably wouldn't have craved if I just allowed myself to enjoy food daily, instead of once in awhile.

You found something that works for you- keep going, if it makes you happy and you feel you can do this for as long as you need to, or for life. That's what is important- being comfortable and happy with your way of eating and feeling good about yourself. I love what I am doing, and don't plan on looking back........there's no such thing as a "cheat" on my plan, if I want it, I eat it- perhaps a healthier version than before, but once in awhile, I just eat the fun stuff for one meal and forget about it. Exercise and water can undo anything. :D

Funny you should mention about throwing away clothes. Two weeks ago, hubby and I cleaned out three closets full of our family's old clothes and linens. We donated five bags of clothes, and threw away around five bags of clothes and linens that wouldn't have been any use to anyone, holes, tears, stains in them. Talk about liberating!!!!!!! It felt so good to get rid of them all, and to organize our closets with bins for the linens, summer clothes, kids old clothes that him and I were too sentimental to throw out, etc.

I have a bin of clothes ready for me to fit into as I start losing this weight. I have another 20 pounds to go before some of them will fit, so they're ready and waiting. Otherwise, I got rid of so much clothes that I wasn't using, out of style, etc. Now, our bedroom closet is clean and organized- what a difference, cleaning out clutter makes, in your attitude towards life! I plan on doing some more spring cleaning this weekend, getting rid of more junk around the house that we're not using and organizing things.

One of my old friends used to throw anything out she hadn't used or worn for six months (accept for bathing suits, shorts, seasonal items). I use to marvel at how clean and organized her home was, and although I hate clutter myself, I still need to learn to let go of things sooner than I do. As one Chinese person said to me- "cluttered house, cluttered mind". He told me the more clutter hanging around the house, the more energy you lose and your bound to get depressed from looking at it. So, go ahead and get rid of what you don't need- that's they key word, "need". You'll feel better! :D

Please hang in there. I hope you feel better and don't get discouraged- keep going, and if this isn't working for you in the future, try something else until you find what makes you happy. :)

freelancemomma 03-04-2014 07:42 AM

To my mind you definitely have a place in 3FC. As others have said, many of us may be striving for something that looks similar to IE, even if we call it a diet.

If I believed for one minute that IE would work for me (i.e., allow me to live in weight equilibrium), I'd do it in a heartbeat. I simply don't trust my appetite as a guide. After all, I'm the person who ate a whole box of chocolates at age 4 without feeling any ill effects.

I still find your posts and approach inspiring and instructive. Don't leave!

Freelance

Wannabeskinny 03-04-2014 09:33 AM

Thank you everyone, I am overwhelmed by the support and compassion I have awoken to today, I admit I've just felt a burst of joy in it, thank you all for taking the time to respond to me, I've felt pretty useless around here while I try to find my stride with this new outlook and I want everyone to know that although we approach things in our own way I support everyone's goals!

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixelllate (Post 4955494)
Perhaps change the goal on your ticker? That could be a big stress relief, like making the lb goal a bit smaller. Maybe a little self reminder that getting rid of clothes that are collecting dust anyways is pretty freeing. I remember holding onto clothes that I was half unsure if I would ever even fit into again, and even when I tried them on, I realized that I didn't even like the style anymore so I was hanging onto a dream size, not the fashion (I'm guessing that these are old clothes from the past right?)

I can relate to not having anyone to relate to in real life in general outside of weight, so instead, I just seek out understanding people who might not do exactly what I am doing, but they also try to be understanding of the "different strokes for different folks."

Pixellate, I will change the goal on my ticker. In fact my fitbit goal is to get to 180 so I'll change it to that. To tell the truth the real goal is to feel comfortable around food no matter what the scale says but it's true that seeing such a low number does make me a little seasick.

Weight is such a personal subject. I have friends of course and they're all doing something or another, it's just hard to relate to each other because we are divided by so much shame and guilt about how we look and how we behave around food. It's a barrier. I remember trying to tell 2 of my closest friends about my eating disorder and they had nothing to say in response, I imagine my confession must have sounded either too foreign to them or all too familiar, either way it was too hard for them to speak about it. Shame and guilt are very alienating.

Wannabeskinny 03-04-2014 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CindySunshine (Post 4956012)
Wannabe first off I think the end of a long winter in New York is enough to invoke sadness in the best of us...but seriously I think there are dips in feeling positive feelings in most cases including diet plateaus or whatever. I call this the patience issue for me, it's the knowledge that I'm doing the right thing but all the good results have just not had time to shine through and catch up. I try to think about how it would be to repeat the behavior over a year or several years and how great it would be.

You might look into the online forum for the a Intuitive Eating book published by Trobole and Resch. I can't post links but it is intuitiveeatingcommunity .org. At least there it is all about what you are trying to do. It isn't hugely active, but there are posts everyday and some great inspirational reading.

I also find for me it helps to reread the intuitive eating book and remember why I'm doing it. You are early on and just finished the reading or maybe still reading other books so this might not help at this point.

And the other thought that has helped me so much is treating my mind through yoga. Maybe this isn't your thing, but I find that taking care of myself and making me calm has helped me so much to then take care of my body. Sounds crazy and I wasn't ready for it at all when I was younger so I totally appreciate if this rings no bells for you now.

It has been a very depressing winter here, very! I'm stuck inside the house with a toddler and I can't wait until we can get out for our long long walks to the playground. I will check out this website you mentioned and see what I can find in terms of other intuitive eaters and their struggles, thank you.

Oh yes, I've tried yoga. But I hate being on the floor so I can't do it quite yet. I've been doing chi gong and I credit it with the peace and strength it has afforded me in order to be even be able to turn to something like IE! I've only started in December but I can already see big changes happening to my sense of peace and balance.

caldawg89 03-04-2014 10:03 AM

I have felt that way all day! I have been doing this for 5 weeks and I have seen a weight loss, but for some reason, I am doubting everything from my relationships to why I am doing this in the first place! Everything right now is making me want to curl up with a massive bag of some disgusting fast food and just try to make myself feel better, which is exactly how I got here in the first place. I dont really have any advice, however I can definitely sympathise with you feeling down, as I have been too. I hope things get better and that you start feeling better soon.

Wannabeskinny 03-04-2014 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miniapplecocoa (Post 4956034)
Gasp, wannabe! Just yesterday I posted gripping and complaining about "dieting." And just how awful I felt HAVING to do it.

Your reply was very helpful to me. While I have to reduce my weight drastically because of health, I really aspire to be IE. I agree that focusing on dieting feels painful and like a waste of my time. While I may not ever get to the insurance weight numbers, my numbers will come down if I focus on getting them down. But, your input is/was vital for a person like me right now. I don't intend to do all this hoop jumping in the future. So, I must start now with some of those IE behaviors. I want to hear about what your doing.

I have a "High Raw" vegan daughter that is not at all cool with all the "dieting" behaviors. She eats what she wants, when she wants, til she is full and does not eat anything that she finds unenjoyable for whatever reasons. She is finely tuned in listening to her body for even the slightest deficiency in nutrients. She has trained her mind and her body for health. And is quite a good vegan chef/salad maker. She also has lost more than 150lbs doing just those things and being more active than I could ever even want to be. Bikes up to 20 miles etc etc. The whole process took 5 years/ongoing. BUT, LOSING WEIGHT WAS NEVER HER GOAL.

So, my point is that even tho some of our starting goals might be different I think even some "dieters" aspire to be where you are. And can relate, understand and support where you are. They may not be there yet. But its important to keep talking about it.

I hope I have been helpful to you in some way. You've been more helpful to me than you know.

I'm so glad I was helpful to you and thank you for reaching out to me. It must be wonderful to have a daughter that you can aspire to, I admire very much when people set their priorities straight and put themselves at the top, and it's humbling to know that such a young person has saved herself from some of the grief we've subjected ourself to.

I think secretly everyone wants to wind up doing IE, after they've lost weight. Because the philosophy of IE are:
- eat whatever you like
- eat when you're hungry
- stop eating when you're full
- accept yourself the way you are now

To many people this only happens after they cross the finish line. To me, I'm skipping the race altogether and starting at the finish line. Does anyone really strive to berate themselves for eating foods they love? Does anyone grow up and wish to be a life-long calorie counter? Some people are content to do so but I doubt many would choose to do so if they could only feel safe around food.

I didn't come to IE on a whim. It's been building up for a long time and it all started with one question "why are we so afraid to be hungry?" Everywhere I looked everyone was talking about how to get rid of hunger, how to fool hunger, how to keep hunger at bay and over time I realized that hunger is not my enemy and suddenly realized I was caught up in the wrong fight. I cringe when I hear that someone's diet has made their hunger go away... why would anyone try to make their hunger go away when it's one of our base primal instincts? Anyway, I finally feel like I'm focusing on the right things. Thanks again for your very kind words.

Wannabeskinny 03-04-2014 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steelslady (Post 4956038)
Funny you should mention about throwing away clothes. Two weeks ago, hubby and I cleaned out three closets full of our family's old clothes and linens. We donated five bags of clothes, and threw away around five bags of clothes and linens that wouldn't have been any use to anyone, holes, tears, stains in them. Talk about liberating!!!!!!! It felt so good to get rid of them all, and to organize our closets with bins for the linens, summer clothes, kids old clothes that him and I were too sentimental to throw out, etc.

I have a bin of clothes ready for me to fit into as I start losing this weight. I have another 20 pounds to go before some of them will fit, so they're ready and waiting. Otherwise, I got rid of so much clothes that I wasn't using, out of style, etc. Now, our bedroom closet is clean and organized- what a difference, cleaning out clutter makes, in your attitude towards life! I plan on doing some more spring cleaning this weekend, getting rid of more junk around the house that we're not using and organizing things.

One of my old friends used to throw anything out she hadn't used or worn for six months (accept for bathing suits, shorts, seasonal items). I use to marvel at how clean and organized her home was, and although I hate clutter myself, I still need to learn to let go of things sooner than I do. As one Chinese person said to me- "cluttered house, cluttered mind". He told me the more clutter hanging around the house, the more energy you lose and your bound to get depressed from looking at it. So, go ahead and get rid of what you don't need- that's they key word, "need". You'll feel better! :D

I truly believe that when the house is cluttered my mind is cluttered. In fact when I'm feeling confused or overwhelmed the first thing I do is start cleaning. I even have different levels of cleaning, as my husband describes.

Level 1 - tidying up, making the beds, watering the plants, putting the toys away (excellent for setting up a relaxing atmosphere and tending to a headache)

Level 2 - Cleaning dishes, doing laundry, dissinfecting the bathrooms, clearing fridge of old food, scrubbing tabletops and counters (keeps stress away)

Level 3 - Mopping, dissinfecting all door handles and light switches, cleaning the windows, washing the curtains, all throw pillows go into the washing machine (stress is here, I'm trying to get rid of it)

Level 4 - Clearing out closets, organizing closets, organizing kitchen cabinets, throwing away old things, vacuuming the ceiling corners, pulling out appliances to clean behind them. (all **** is broken loose hehe)

Wannabeskinny 03-04-2014 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freelancemomma (Post 4956066)
To my mind you definitely have a place in 3FC. As others have said, many of us may be striving for something that looks similar to IE, even if we call it a diet.

If I believed for one minute that IE would work for me (i.e., allow me to live in weight equilibrium), I'd do it in a heartbeat. I simply don't trust my appetite as a guide. After all, I'm the person who ate a whole box of chocolates at age 4 without feeling any ill effects.

I still find your posts and approach inspiring and instructive. Don't leave!

Freelance

I'm not leaving, just feeling a bit down. I like your no nonsense way of dealing with things and I admire the fact that you don't deprive yourself of anything. Thanks.

Wannabeskinny 03-04-2014 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caldawg89 (Post 4956157)
I have felt that way all day! I have been doing this for 5 weeks and I have seen a weight loss, but for some reason, I am doubting everything from my relationships to why I am doing this in the first place! Everything right now is making me want to curl up with a massive bag of some disgusting fast food and just try to make myself feel better, which is exactly how I got here in the first place. I dont really have any advice, however I can definitely sympathise with you feeling down, as I have been too. I hope things get better and that you start feeling better soon.

It's real life, we can't be cheerleaders all the time can we?


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