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IE - Sadness and letting go of diets

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Old 03-04-2014, 09:50 AM   #16
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Oh Wannabe, I feel your pain. I live in upstate NY and the winter has been atrocious. It's been so bad that I sunk into depression and put on what must have been 10 pounds but I've been afraid to look.

I've been struggling with whether I want to lose weight or not myself. I have wanted to for so long but restricting myself and working out seems to get me only so far before my body just decides it's done. So there I am, stuck at my NOT ideal weight, skipping on the foods I love, and for what?

I'm wondering if I'm just fed up because the weather is getting me down but I definitely understand your pain and I respect you for loving yourself as you are.
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Old 03-04-2014, 12:24 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Dollfaise View Post
Oh Wannabe, I feel your pain. I live in upstate NY and the winter has been atrocious. It's been so bad that I sunk into depression and put on what must have been 10 pounds but I've been afraid to look.

I've been struggling with whether I want to lose weight or not myself. I have wanted to for so long but restricting myself and working out seems to get me only so far before my body just decides it's done. So there I am, stuck at my NOT ideal weight, skipping on the foods I love, and for what?

I'm wondering if I'm just fed up because the weather is getting me down but I definitely understand your pain and I respect you for loving yourself as you are.
I live in New Hampshire- this weather is definitely a "pita" (pain in the butt!)! I can't remember in all of my 50 years of living through such a long, cold, and crazy winter. We've had lots of snow, rain, sleet, ice, thunder storms during a snow storm (really?!?!?), and it's been such a long winter, I am going a bit stir crazy. I've been doing some spring cleaning, which is nice because it's getting done early and it will leave me with more time to play, whenever spring finally gets here. Even though spring is officially three weeks away, I sincerely doubt we'll have spring weather by then- we still have 4 feet of snow piled all around our driveway, and this cold weather has been brutal!
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Old 03-04-2014, 11:46 PM   #18
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Whew, I'm glad your not going anywhere!

"I didn't come to IE on a whim. It's been building up for a long time and it all started with one question "why are we so afraid to be hungry?" Everywhere I looked everyone was talking about how to get rid of hunger, how to fool hunger, how to keep hunger at bay and over time I realized that hunger is not my enemy and suddenly realized I was caught up in the wrong fight. I cringe when I hear that someone's diet has made their hunger go away... why would anyone try to make their hunger go away when it's one of our base primal instincts?"

I love this thinking. I'm adding this to my self talk/self motivation thoughts for when I start panicking over hunger. Wow, powerful inspiration and learning on these boards. LOL!
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Old 03-04-2014, 11:54 PM   #19
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We can't be cheerleaders all the time, no! I too, love what you wrote about IE. I'm not on a "diet", per say, I guess if anything, I am following the IE rules. To an extent, I kind of loosely count calories; I know what the various foods I eat are worth, and I am vaguely aware of what I eat during the day, I dont weigh food or anything like that, I just make sure I am eating smaller, well balanced meals, cutting down on snacking for the sake of it, and I have cut out fast food. I have a meal a week where I can eat as much of whatever I like, however as time has gone on, I dont crave or eat the fatty foods I once loved, even when I can have my free meal. Your posts are always helpful and informative, I am glad you arent leaving, and I too clean like crazy when I am stressed I hope today has been a better day for you!
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Old 03-05-2014, 08:19 AM   #20
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I am better today thanks, but I'm trying not to rely on feeling motivated each day. I know very well there will be good days and bad days and not to let bad days make me feel like a failure.
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Old 03-05-2014, 09:15 AM   #21
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Glad you're staying, sorry you're having some down days, we all have them.

I always read your IE posts because I do my own personal version of IE. While I try to abstain completely from my trigger foods, I practice IE with all the rest of the foods. I don't calorie count, and if I'm hungry I eat something.

Also,it may just be semantics when people talk about "hunger" in ways you can't relate to. For instance, I have often said "hunger is my enemy". Which sounds odd, really, but what I really mean is that "I refuse to starve any more". If I try to force my body to ignore hunger I usually end up going down the road to a binge. For me, extreme hunger is a trigger to bad behavior. Yet, for many years I would ignore hunger because I was rigidly sticking to some calorie plan -- which would of course fail.

I finally realized that if I was feeling hunger it was ok to eat something -- just not a trigger food. I never, ever got fat because I ate a big salad. Or a bunch of roasted veggies.

Anyway, I'm sort of rambling now, mostly I just wanted to say that I find your posts valuable and hope you can find the support you are looking for here -- a variety of viewpoints is something this site should always have!
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Old 03-05-2014, 01:58 PM   #22
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Wannabe, just because you're practicing IE does not mean that you cannot have a traditional "weight loss goal".

Yes, you're not on a diet and yes, part of IE is about body acceptance in any size, but the end result of IE could still be a slimmer, 150lbs you. The key is to focus on being healthy and happy along the journey because the journey could take years. At the end of the day, you may find that your weight settles comfortably within a specific range that could be higher, lower or at around 150lbs but by then, the number on the scale well and truly does not matter to you anymore.

The thing here is that unlike your friends who are focused on summer, you are building up a long term mentality to succeed for a lifetime and it truly becomes a change in outlook and lifestyle for you. Letting go is definitely not easy and I can understand where you're coming from but it's just the start for you now. Give it time and stick to the plan and in the meantime, talk to your friends about all the healthy and fun activities you all can do together.
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Old 03-06-2014, 09:54 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by magical View Post
Wannabe, just because you're practicing IE does not mean that you cannot have a traditional "weight loss goal".

Yes, you're not on a diet and yes, part of IE is about body acceptance in any size, but the end result of IE could still be a slimmer, 150lbs you. The key is to focus on being healthy and happy along the journey because the journey could take years. At the end of the day, you may find that your weight settles comfortably within a specific range that could be higher, lower or at around 150lbs but by then, the number on the scale well and truly does not matter to you anymore.

The thing here is that unlike your friends who are focused on summer, you are building up a long term mentality to succeed for a lifetime and it truly becomes a change in outlook and lifestyle for you. Letting go is definitely not easy and I can understand where you're coming from but it's just the start for you now. Give it time and stick to the plan and in the meantime, talk to your friends about all the healthy and fun activities you all can do together.
Thanks magical, you're right about having a goal. It seems counter intuitive to practice IE and have a weight loss goal so I'm having a hard time balancing what my goals are with my present enjoyment of the plan. Losing weight can mean turn to dieting. But it doesn't have to, it can also mean building a different relationship with food, or it can mean trying something different than I was doing before. At the end of the day we have to stop doing something and start doing something else. With IE I finally feel like I'm finally putting my efforts into the right stuff.
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"Binging is a descent into a world where every restriction... is cut loose. At its core is a feeling of deprivation.. a feeling you can never get enough. Binges do not signify a lack of willpower or inability to care for yourself. On the contrary, binges are a urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for. They are the voice of survival. Binges are the mark of the self that says, 'I am tired of feeling deprived, of being told I am wrong, that I am bad." - Geneen Roth
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Old 03-06-2014, 10:23 AM   #24
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Your post really resonates with me. My boyfriend is moving in right now and I had to create room for his clothes. Part of that was donating clothes that I don't need. Giving away my children's sized pants that I wore in college really upset me. I was noticeably down for at least 2 days. I've been pretty much the same range (+/- 10lbs) aside from the 1 fit year in college, my pregnancy, and when I put on weight working with a nutritionist. When I listen to my body and just eat what I do, my weight doesn't really change.

I have a very hard time accepting that this is what I'm supposed to weigh. I am a curvier woman, but I don't want to be curvy in the thighs or arms!

When I gave away those clothes, I felt like I was saying "I give up, this is where I'm going to be forever." That thought is so depressing.
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Old 03-06-2014, 10:28 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by miniapplecocoa View Post

"I didn't come to IE on a whim. It's been building up for a long time and it all started with one question "why are we so afraid to be hungry?" Everywhere I looked everyone was talking about how to get rid of hunger, how to fool hunger, how to keep hunger at bay and over time I realized that hunger is not my enemy and suddenly realized I was caught up in the wrong fight. I cringe when I hear that someone's diet has made their hunger go away... why would anyone try to make their hunger go away when it's one of our base primal instincts?"
This is an excellent observation!

I've always said that one of the most important things IE has taught me is to not be afraid of hunger. For some people - definitely for me - this is the secret. It's okay to get hungry; and it's okay to eat what you need to eat to satisfy that hunger. It's also okay to eat what you want to eat to satisfy your hunger.

The real key is learning to eat TO SATISFY HUNGER, not for the myriad of other reasons we find ourselves turning to food.
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Old 03-06-2014, 04:17 PM   #26
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Losing weight can mean turn to dieting. But it doesn't have to, it can also mean building a different relationship with food, or it can mean trying something different than I was doing before. At the end of the day we have to stop doing something and start doing something else. With IE I finally feel like I'm finally putting my efforts into the right stuff.
Absolutely! Glad that you're feeling this way.

If you focus your efforts into building a long term healthy relationship with food and a healthy lifestyle, weight loss is usually a byproduct of such efforts. Don't force it but let it come naturally to you. Baby steps...

And I really think you should get rid of your scale (not just hide it in the basement, as I think you mentioned in one of the other threads ).
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Old 03-08-2014, 07:08 AM   #27
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Absolutely! Glad that you're feeling this way.

If you focus your efforts into building a long term healthy relationship with food and a healthy lifestyle, weight loss is usually a byproduct of such efforts. Don't force it but let it come naturally to you. Baby steps...

And I really think you should get rid of your scale (not just hide it in the basement, as I think you mentioned in one of the other threads ).
Get rid of the scale completely? haha I've stayed away from it pretty well this past week, I think I'll be ok. Besides, hubby likes to use it from time to time too.
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"Binging is a descent into a world where every restriction... is cut loose. At its core is a feeling of deprivation.. a feeling you can never get enough. Binges do not signify a lack of willpower or inability to care for yourself. On the contrary, binges are a urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for. They are the voice of survival. Binges are the mark of the self that says, 'I am tired of feeling deprived, of being told I am wrong, that I am bad." - Geneen Roth
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Old 03-08-2014, 04:47 PM   #28
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Ha, ha, I'd suggest you stayed away for a few months at least!

With IE, patience and consistency is the key. It must work for you and you must give it time.

I would guess that after switching to diet-free, I put on at least 10lbs (no weighing but clothes were tight and I had to switch sizes for some clothes), which was considerable given that I had not much to lose in the first place. It probably took one year to lose that 10lbs again, all the time fine-tuning my way of eating and what worked for me and what did not.
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Old 03-08-2014, 06:09 PM   #29
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I always read your IE posts because I do my own personal version of IE. While I try to abstain completely from my trigger foods, I practice IE with all the rest of the foods. I don't calorie count, and if I'm hungry I eat something.
^This^ is what over a decade of dieting & disordered eating **** has finally lead me to...and it is peaceful here.

I abstain from trigger foods. I have not binged in months, or since I went back to this post pregnancy.
IE with everything else, but I only eat whole foods, nothing processed.
Don't calorie count.
Eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm satisfied.
Special occasions are my treats. We have about one event a month, between b-day parties, gathering with friends, and I will eat non whole food/processed stuff there. It works for me because I cannot over eat in front of others. Its a 100% guarantee that I can have a bit of trigger food and not binge.
And I run. My ticker is not updated, but I did 16.5 miles this week.


I did this before my last baby and lost the weight. It was finally something I could do without the stress, and counting, and starving and binging.

I did do IE years ago, but included all foods. For me, I just cannot IE with things like bread, rice, pasta, bagels etc. Nor with treats or sweets. I was not losing weight and truthfully I was not happy being fat. I just could not accept that as me. But going back to cal counting is a nightmare for me. The switch to whole foods w/ avoiding trigger foods was the key for me to IE and lose weight. And running, because now I want to fuel my body when I eat. I really think about how a meal (especially pre run) is going to make me feel while running. (Energized and fast, or sluggish and heavy)
I think when people say a diet made their hungry go away, they are referring to eating the right foods to control appetite. For me, not eating sugar, carbs like bread/pasta, or processed foods, means that my hunger is well controlled. I am not hungry every 2-3 hours anymore. So I can IE and not eat all the time. When I practiced IE without having my hunger under control, I *was* hungry, but too often, so that IE meant I was eating too much. I realized that its not that I had to deny myself food when I was hungry but find a way to eat that didn't leave me hungry so frequently. I also notice that exercise/running keeps my appetite controlled. I know most people are more hungry after a workout, but I for some reason, feel loss of appetite after working out.

So I basically can eat whenever I am hungry and still lose weight. I'm technically following a diet (whole foods, no trigger foods) but I don't feel deprived.

Maybe something similar would be helpful for you. Once you find what works, that's half the battle.
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Old 03-09-2014, 09:52 AM   #30
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Ha, ha, I'd suggest you stayed away for a few months at least!

With IE, patience and consistency is the key. It must work for you and you must give it time.

I would guess that after switching to diet-free, I put on at least 10lbs (no weighing but clothes were tight and I had to switch sizes for some clothes), which was considerable given that I had not much to lose in the first place. It probably took one year to lose that 10lbs again, all the time fine-tuning my way of eating and what worked for me and what did not.
Patience and consistency. That's difficult to do with summer coming so soon, but I have no intention of going back on a diet. But it's an urge I do have to resist, the come-monday-morning-i'm-throwing-everything-away thoughts are hard to control.
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"Binging is a descent into a world where every restriction... is cut loose. At its core is a feeling of deprivation.. a feeling you can never get enough. Binges do not signify a lack of willpower or inability to care for yourself. On the contrary, binges are a urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for. They are the voice of survival. Binges are the mark of the self that says, 'I am tired of feeling deprived, of being told I am wrong, that I am bad." - Geneen Roth
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