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Falling back again... and noticing, and stopping.

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Old 03-02-2014, 04:43 PM   #1
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Default Falling back again... and noticing, and stopping.

These days I have caught myself falling back into binge habits. I don't have the appetite to binge as much as I used to, which helps me notice what I'm doing. I notice the discomfort of being way too full, the headache from the sugar. The way I feel worse, not better.

It's been years since Ive really binged. Spent hours eating, feeling alone and miserable.

I've been "dealing with life" lately. It's been rough. My control issues have been manifesting in a high alcohol consumption, too. I think I'm okay, since I'm noticing. I'm trying to be more open with others.

There's someone in my life who, I think I've realized, is severely depressed. I feel drained after. It's taking a toll, and I'm sad to say I need to create some distance. I'm sorry I can't be a better friend to them. It's shocking, though, how that influence can just set me back years! I'm never going to be "cured" of this control problem. I'm always going to have to accept it, manage it.

This time, though, I have friends I can call for help when I catch myself falling into a bad cycle.

I had to share, folks. This always feel like such a lonely, alienating struggle. There are so many people like us, though.
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Old 03-04-2014, 08:22 AM   #2
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As I read your post about someone in your life being severely depressed, I thought about a friend from high school who has recently come back into my life. Being over 50, we've experienced a LOT since graduation, but somehow we just clicked like we were never apart. But a few weeks ago when she met me for lunch and shopping, she stayed about 10 minutes, stood up and said she wasn't feeling well, and left. haven't heard from her since. I'm wondering if it was me, or her, who's to blame . . . maybe I'm reading more into this. Being overweight it's easy to blame yourself for everything, even when it simply isn't your fault. We need to learn to not take on everyone's problems as our own.
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:51 AM   #3
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OP, you're right to identify sources of stress and try to eliminate them. Dealing with stress is really important because if we don't deal with it then it will have its way with us!!

Never feel guilty about distancing yourself from someone who is not a good influence. There are times when I'm around people who make me feel icky or make me feel like I'm not being my true self and although it may be difficult (because they are family or coworkers), you have to keep a sense of psychological distance, especially if you can't physically be away from them. It's called protecting yourself.

Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself.

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Originally Posted by MyGoalWeightIs140 View Post
As I read your post about someone in your life being severely depressed, I thought about a friend from high school who has recently come back into my life. Being over 50, we've experienced a LOT since graduation, but somehow we just clicked like we were never apart. But a few weeks ago when she met me for lunch and shopping, she stayed about 10 minutes, stood up and said she wasn't feeling well, and left. haven't heard from her since. I'm wondering if it was me, or her, who's to blame . . . maybe I'm reading more into this. Being overweight it's easy to blame yourself for everything, even when it simply isn't your fault. We need to learn to not take on everyone's problems as our own.
Very curious. Have you reached out to her since then?
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Old 03-04-2014, 01:03 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MyGoalWeightIs140 View Post
As I read your post about someone in your life being severely depressed, I thought about a friend from high school who has recently come back into my life. Being over 50, we've experienced a LOT since graduation, but somehow we just clicked like we were never apart. But a few weeks ago when she met me for lunch and shopping, she stayed about 10 minutes, stood up and said she wasn't feeling well, and left. haven't heard from her since. I'm wondering if it was me, or her, who's to blame . . . maybe I'm reading more into this. Being overweight it's easy to blame yourself for everything, even when it simply isn't your fault. We need to learn to not take on everyone's problems as our own.
You have just described my brother's SO. She does this kind of thing ALL. THE. TIME. Oddly enough she's also in the Deep South, but I doubt it's your friend because she didn't go to high school in the Deep South. If both of you went to school in New England, however, then ... things that make you go hummm....

Her behavior, although odd, isn't unique to her. Please don't for one minute think that it's you causing the problem. It might not be a bad idea to contact her just to check and see if she's feeling better, but if she doesn't answer and/or contact you in any way then realize that it's her issue, not yours.
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Old 03-04-2014, 02:57 PM   #5
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There's nothing wrong with pulling back as needed. Clearly, you are taking care of yourself just by being aware of your needs. That's huge. Give yourself a pat on the back for that!

And, I'm sure you've heard it before, but it bears repeating...you can't control anyone but yourself (and even that is subject to interpretation). What matters is self-compassion. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself in a compassionate way. Taking care of yourself does not deplete another. If that "offends" the other person for whatever reason, then they are completely misinterpreting you through their own misguided filters, which you are not responsible for fixing, nor do you have the time, money, or expertise to do so.
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