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IE - Taking control by letting go

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Old 02-14-2014, 09:30 AM   #1
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Default IE - Taking control by letting go

As a long-time binger the last thing I thought would work was IE. And since I've started doing IE I've not binged once. There's something inexplainable that happened to me once I allowed myself to eat without restriction. There are lots of trigger foods in my house that are not triggering me at all. Just knowing that I'm allowed to have it if I really want to has freed my own will and guess what, my own will doesn't really want cookies as bad as I thought I would.

I think it is pixellate that has this wonderful signature and I stole it. It says:
"I listened to my gut and it said 'You could do with less of me.'"

I'm having a great time listening to my gut lately, just following its lead.
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Old 02-14-2014, 11:54 AM   #2
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Thanks Wannabe for starting our new thread. IE is Intuitive Eating that was defined in a book by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch first published in the 90s, but there a number of other books that advocate basically the same idea with slightly different twists. There are a number of threads under general Diet Plans and Support. But since IE is really not a diet we thought it belonged better in this forum.

There are a lot of excellent threads with the basics and books, etc. I still can't put in a link I'm too new but a search on Intuitive Eating will get you there.

Last edited by CindySunshine : 02-14-2014 at 11:55 AM. Reason: Typo
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Old 02-19-2014, 02:37 PM   #3
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I like your title "Taking Control by Letting Go." Very appropriate.

I weighed myself this morning for the first time in about a month. I had given up weighing myself when I gave up the dream of being thin. I believe the only way through true intuitive eating is to give up the dream of looking like someone else, and I have actively moved forward in a more "fat acceptance" mode. This is much more difficult than it seems! I believe our addiction is not just to food, but to dieting. And that dieting is fear-based. I also believe that giving up dieting is tricky. Every so often, you're looking over your shoulder, asking yourself, "Is this working? Am I losing weight?" But, the question is counterproductive. You have to assume that you'll always be the same weight, put away the scale, forget about the fat photos, and learn to love people no matter how fat they are. Not an easy feat. And, if you're like me, fear makes that almost impossible. It's terrifying to feel fat, or to feel like your poor eating is making you gain and gain. But, if you lose the prejudice against fat, something in you changes.

I was believing all this about 80% of the time. Well, I was believing this in the sense that I know deep down it's true, but on the surface, I was doubting. After all, I really want to be thin. No one wants to be fat. Who in their right mind wants to gain weight? Not in this society. You're status on the heirarchy gets lower the heavier you weigh. And that is precisely the problem.

But......then I was triggered by so many people around me dropping pounds like mad and looking great, and the fact that I felt "out of control" with my eating for the past 2 months. I was triggered by a negative event at work that prompted me to want to leave and to change my situation in a million other ways. Suddenly, I said to myself: I need to go on a diet. I need start watching my weight again.

I thought - I'm delusional to think that I can ever accept being fat. I need to have some control over my food intake. I need to drop 50 pounds.

Note to self: I can't control my circumstances, but at least I can control my weight. ??? Seriously?

In any case, there I was...getting on the scale...holding my breath and closing my eyes and fearing for the life of me that I had gained over 10 pounds in the last 2 months from all the emotional eating I'd done, despite my attempts not to. But, I looked anyway.

And there it was....the evidence. I was down 2 pounds.

Now, dieters look at that and say - "What? 2 pounds in 2 months is unsuccessful!"

I look at that and say, "I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, for whatever reason I wanted - questioned it periodically - but essentially, kept on eating, assuming that I would put on pounds. And in the end, I'm down...that is a bonafide miracle."

I have often vacillated back and forth between believing that the problem is emotional eating/addiction to food and believing that the problem is actually something more: the fear of being good enough as you are, of NOT dieting.

Today, I feel like I finally have validation that my body DOES know what it needs, on every possible level, and that I don't have to analyze why I'm hungry (emotionally or physically). I realized that the fight is almost over, that I can put my weapons down and settle into this space that belongs to me, without worrying whether I'll be punished for it.

I say almost over, because I know I'll still be looking over my shoulder wondering when I can fit into a size 8 again. I know I'll still be triggered by all the people in my life who will be wearing bikinis in the summertime (or the promise of it) even though I haven't gotten there myself, and am not actively working on it. This dieting addiction is pervasive, and you just never know when it will be triggered. Needless to say, I put the scale back in its hiding place, and I ate my breakfast freely and without any remorse.
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Old 02-19-2014, 02:58 PM   #4
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Wow to this....she took the words out of my mouth!

http://www.fatnutritionist.com/index...h-as-you-want/
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Old 02-20-2014, 08:53 AM   #5
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Thanks for weighing in Mazzy. Letting go of control is probably not the right way to view it although it's true isn't it! While letting go of dieting actually means putting the control back in our own hands.

Diets thrive by making people believe that they don't know what they're doing. It's like they say "listen, don't trust yourself, we'll let you know what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat." We could spend all day following the advice of one scientist only to have someone on the opposite argument find another scientist to disagree with all that.

Food is everywhere. I can't avoid it, it's there. It will be there at social functions, at parties, at work, at home, everywhere you go it will be there. You can't divorce it - not unless you look forward to seeing your ex husband every 2 hours, you cannot divorce food without having to look at it every 2hrs.

I guess over the last few days I've gained a sense of control around food. My emotions still call out for food but since emotions don't need food I don't give in to it. Eating to subside feelings is like putting peanut butter on a broken arm. Peanut butter is nice and all but it does nothing to heal a broken bone. So I try to think about that when I want to eat, I think about whether it's really hunger or not. Once you get the hang of it you start to feel silly thinking you can cure your anxiety with a bag of cheetos.
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Old 02-20-2014, 09:17 AM   #6
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wannabe, I think we are on the same page, for the most part. I wish others saw it this way, but I think it will take a long time for that to happen.

I think control is a tricky word.

Control is contrary to freedom. It's force, pressure, a form of violence. You break a rule and are punished for it. Over time, how much punishment are you willing to put up with for all these arbitrary rules, a government of external authority?

I prefer to utilize organic boundaries germaine to me - and by that, I do not mean control or force. I mean, knowing one's self and TRUSTING one's self enough to know what makes them feel well and brings them into true alignment with their joy. Because it doesn't matter how fat or thin you are - if you do not feel joy in your life at the present moment, then something is terribly wrong.

There are things that I can't do because I know they do not make me feel good. I can't have caffeine - it turns me into a total zombie for days. It took me a long time to adjust to this, but I have adjusted and do not feel deprived. There are alternatives to a good cup of coffee. I also cannot have wheat because I have doctor-verified celiac disease (I am not just following the current bandwagon). I still do not feel deprived because these days there are plenty of alternatives there as well. So, I know what my limits are, and I'm happy with them. I'd so much rather not be in the bathroom sick everyday because I'm eating something that is slowly killing me. It was ****, and I'll never go back to that. I prefer to be awake and not in a sleep-dream every day just so that I can enjoy a steaming cup of coffee. It doesn't matter how many scientists tell me that a cup of coffee a day is "good" for you, or not. It's my body telling me. All other things are equal and don't bother me, so I eat what I want when I want it, don't follow any rules of the clock (i.e., I will eat broccoli first thing in the morning and a bowl of cereal at 1pm if I want). It's just that simple.

Last edited by Mazzy : 02-20-2014 at 09:19 AM.
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Old 02-25-2014, 02:37 PM   #7
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i've also started to be more mindful during the process of eating and feeling out when I'm still hungry, or when I'm at that point of "let's wait and see" and then I feel satisfied. I've never really felt "satisfied" when I eat because I usually gorge and then later I feel completely sick to my stomach. I have to remind myself of that terrible feeling and it helped me to cut back and not go for seconds and maybe have some fruit or something to drink if I still feel a bit hungry. It's also helped me to NOT focus so much on food, because with all of the journals and calorie counting and what not, it seemed to make me too aware of always feeling hungry, when ie actually helps me not think about it so much.
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Old 02-25-2014, 03:09 PM   #8
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Welcome Mori, it's nice to see others who are not dieting

Has anyone learned to release their scale? I'm so so so scared of not going on the scale. I spent most of my adult life not weighing myself and being in utter denial about my weight. Then I did a 360 and started weighing myself twice a week for the past few years. I always told myself that I'm just being realistic and that even if I gain weight I want to face the facts. But I am getting tired of the one pound victories and one pound failures. The scale has not moved in a significant way in a few years. So that small pound up and down feels like emotional whiplash.

But I'm scared.
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Old 02-25-2014, 03:12 PM   #9
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i rely on the scale a lot myself and get disappointed when it doesn't budge. I should learn to do measurements of my body as a better indicator of weight loss/gain. Right now I'm just focusing on "normal" eating. Baby steps, right?
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Old 02-25-2014, 03:19 PM   #10
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I think I've finally released the scale (for the most part). I dropped it a little over a month ago...okay, maybe it was 2 months, can't remember. But, then I did that weigh in last week - just to check...and was surprised to see that I'd lost 2 pounds. It gave me the courage to put the scale back in the closet, hidden under the towels, and continue what I was doing, not to pull it out again for at least another 2 months.

I decided last month that I wasn't going to obsess about my weight and image, and that instead, I wanted to feel good/well. So, my intention was to exercise so that I had stamina to do things with my son and friends (hiking, walks, kayaking...etc....) But, aside from that aspect, I don't care what the scale says as long as I feel well/mobile/have stamina, etc.

But this is coming from someone who has stepped on the scale every single day, and sometimes twice a day for 20+ years.
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Old 02-25-2014, 04:45 PM   #11
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Sometimes I go on the scale daily, other times, I leave it alone for awhile and don't really weigh. I found that its one of those things that once you try changing up weighing schedules/not have one at all, its not very scary at all. This is however, only because I am on autopilot in terms of dieting/weight loss mode currently. Weighing daily for me helps when I am just starting on making dietary changes, or I am going through something that is making it difficult for me to do what I need to do to get results - that is when the weight "creeps up" if I don't watch out. I can still successfully lose despite that, as long as I also keep tabs on myself, so for me, it depends on the situation . I don't really have strong feelings about frequency of weighing - doing it more or less can be helpful in various situations - its about the same as checking my bank account online.
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:06 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazzy View Post
I think I've finally released the scale (for the most part). I dropped it a little over a month ago...okay, maybe it was 2 months, can't remember. But, then I did that weigh in last week - just to check...and was surprised to see that I'd lost 2 pounds. It gave me the courage to put the scale back in the closet, hidden under the towels, and continue what I was doing, not to pull it out again for at least another 2 months.

I decided last month that I wasn't going to obsess about my weight and image, and that instead, I wanted to feel good/well. So, my intention was to exercise so that I had stamina to do things with my son and friends (hiking, walks, kayaking...etc....) But, aside from that aspect, I don't care what the scale says as long as I feel well/mobile/have stamina, etc.

But this is coming from someone who has stepped on the scale every single day, and sometimes twice a day for 20+ years.


Quote:
Originally Posted by devadiva View Post
You might read the last line of your posts
devadiva - I'm a bit confused by your post.

Are you referring to the last line in the post that you quoted? If so, it appears to me that Mazzy was referencing her life BEFORE she released the scale. That's the way I interpret it, anyway.

On the other hand, if you are referring to her sig (because you said posts, not post), then I am really at a loss as to what you are trying to convey.
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:54 PM   #13
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Thanks for having my back, Southern Maven.... :-)

Regarding the scale, yes, I was referring to my life before the last 2 months. Actually, probably before that, too, as I was trying to give it up for about 6 months, but couldn't.

If I sound proud or boastful in writing, my apologies. It wasn't my intention at all. Would be interested to know what would trigger that response, if that was the intent.
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Old 02-28-2014, 03:00 PM   #14
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I don't think you sound boastful Mazzy, I don't think darediva meant anything at all, she probably misread your post.

Thanks for answering my question, do you find it hard not to step on the scale? I do a formal weigh in on monday mornings (formal=write it down) and I do an informal weigh in on Thursdays (informal=I don't write it down). So I skipped that informal weigh in yesterday and I feel edgy. I can't imagine how weird I will feel on Monday if I forgo my weigh in. I'm scared to let go of this ritual, what if I blow up?
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Old 02-28-2014, 03:21 PM   #15
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Thanks, wannabe. That makes me feel better!

With regard to the scale, at first, yes, I was very uncomfortable not to get on the scale in the beginning. I would go a couple of days, and then I would get this sort of "itch" like first thing in the morning. And then the weirdest thing happened... I had been practicing mindfulness with the scale, trying to listen to my trigger, so to speak, to feel the feelings instead, and realized that I needed something pleasant to "grab onto" (and weight loss is pleasant).

First thing in the morning, the time when I least wanted to be awake and going to work, etc (I HATE mornings)., and I would be "triggered" to weigh myself as if it were some magic pill to make me feel better. I wanted that one thing to hold onto, so to speak, because if I didn't have it, I felt like I was free-floating, or falling or something. Now, is this an ED talking or what? Anyway, one day, I allowed myself to "free fall" and it seems like that was the turning point. And since then, it hasn't been quite so difficult. At least so far....

I also would ask myself, "Now why would you want to weigh yourself? What do you think the scale would tell you? You either lost or gained, but what does it matter - you still need to do what you need to do, regardless."

Because if I got on and had gained, I would eat out of some kind of weird punishment or retribution. If I got on it and lost weight, I would pat myself on the back (i.e. never let your gratitude sour into pride ), and the next day I would gain, and that pat on the back would get revoked in a very not nice sorta way. But, really, how much control do you have over what the scale tells you from day to day? How can you take pride in that?

Don't get me wrong, the "itch" is still sometimes there, but it's not overwhelming anymore, more like an annoying gnat. 2 months is the longest I've gone without weighing myself daily in I don't know how many years.
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