Dialogues between my current self and my emerging self
 

I have a REAL problem with FOOD. When I feel like binging, I become another person. It feels as if someone else lived in my body and that someone gets out, looks at every effort I've been making and decides: "All that doesn't matter. I'm going to binge and destroy it. I don't care.:devil:" In such situations, I have endless "conversations" with myself, trying to reason myself, trying hard to convince myself not to do it.
This thread will remind me, when I get to goal, of the daily (epic) battles these are.
So today, dark clouds gathered, the peculiar smell of a heavy rain about to fall was all around me. Winds blowing, good programs on T.V. My normal (fat) self thought about ordering some hot, heavy and tasty dinner so I could spend the evening cuddled on my bed watching a good program. My emerging healthy self said: rain or no rain, I'll be slim by the end of the year. So I went for my veggies and fish.

Good luck, it's hard for us all. But remember that food is an inanimate object, food is not the problem. Out compulsions to eat can be managed but be kind to yourself and remember to focus on the process, not the results.

I used to also imagine that I was a different person. Makes me feel less guilty and more gleefully/delightfully evil as I purchased my items and prepared for my binge. Like some sort of free for all.

Good for you! I read about a similar approach in a weight loss memoir. The author used the mantra Not An Option when tempted to sabotage her own goals. Sounds cheesy, but it does help.

F.

Yeah, not easy girls. It's always good to know I'm not the only one or the first person to experience this.
Good luck to us all!

This struck me - I often read people on this forum that say "instead of having a burger, have a salad!"

That doesn't work for me. I love salad, but if I want a burger, I'm going to make it in the healthiest way I can (lean meat, shredded veggies in the patty, maybe in a lettuce wrap, etc) rather than go for something I really don't want to eat.

I eat a lot of hot, heavy, tasty soups, chilis, stews, "pasta" dishes, and I have a way to eat pretty much any dish that I might crave.

I had Indian spiced stewed veggies and fish with yogurt last night, so I definitely eat veggies and fish, but maybe finding ways to get the right flavor profile or texture that you crave would be helpful in the long run.

Me neither. Except when I want a burger, I eat a burger. I'm learning how not to eat all of it though - with IE I'm learning to stop eating when I'm full. When I forced myself to eat a salad instead of a burger I would succeed... for a day, for 2 days, maybe a week. Then my body would lash out at me and binge. And then I'd start the whole process all over again and that's how I've wound up to 200lbs.

I cut out and laminated an illustration from a Mary Engelbreit book that shows the little girl with her suitcase and bundle on a stick turning in a fork in the road. The road marker has the options "Your Life" and "No longer an option" and she is turning down the road to her life. I keep it in my wallet. Here is a link to google images of it https://www.google.com/search?q=mary...w=1092&bih=496

Two months down the road and a few lbs lighter, dialogues b/n my old and new self are more constant than ever.
Today has been a day filled with anxiety, for apparently no reason (or too many insignificant reasons). Cozy in front of my T.V. Worried, weather calling for a huge nap (skipped work today, was too depressed.)

Since morning, I've been fighting the urge to just pick my phone and order a huge and hot meatey and cheesy pizza.
...Then I look at my arms! lol and tell myself that next year at the same time, I want to see slimmer arms. I want to look good.
I'm already missing my goal weight of 163 for this month, so I don't want to allow myself more stupidities. Plus the weekend is going to be with family (and therefore food) so I want to be reasonable.
I so want to finish the day without fulfilling my wicked plans.

Why don't you go pick a room in your house and start meticulously organizing it? Make a playlist of songs you love, and you can even dance around while you do it :D Or pop in a favorite movie while you're working. Nap weather usually means cruddy weather for a walk, otherwise I'd suggest that. Always helps me to get busy doing something when I feel like you.. the hours pass like they're nothing!

I find myself saying "Noooooooooooope." Like Lana Kane on Archer. It's actually become a thing for me, and it does seem to work. And it makes me laugh during the process. Always a good thing.

Fortunately for me, when I'm craving off-plan food but then choose an on-plan food instead, I am almost always happy and satisfied with the substitution. Yuuuuuuuuuuup.

But not necessarily so. Sometimes the choice of food IS the problem. It might not be the same foods for everyone, but those of us with insulin resistance, the kinds of food definitely are the problem. They make those voices stronger and harder to ignore when they tell us to EAT.

FOr some of us, it's not about compulsions. It's about the brain and the chemicals coursing through our body BECAUSE of the food we eat. And you don't to be diabetic to have insulin issues!

If I had the stamina to do all those things, I guess I'd have gone to work. I suffer from depression and those things you just mentioned translated into depression language would be the equivalent of "go swim across the Atlantic Ocean / go climb Mount Everest"

Update: I got myself some oranges, nut grass and peanuts to end the day beautifully!
No :jeno::jeno::jeno: for this gurl today! Future self has won and she's feeling full but light and very proud!

Good for you! :carrot: