I knew no one that ever said they were a binge eater. Yet, I think there really has to be more of us out of there because it would be alot easier to drop weight IF we were not secretly gorging ourselves in private. I have dieted what seems like my entire life, trying to change my body into something I am not ashamed of and changing myself into a better person. Instead, I've just screwed up myself physically and emotionally.
I am on day 21 or 22? of not binge eating. Longest time in years. I don't know how it happened, why it happened, because mentally nothing has changed. I still have the negative image and the lack of willpower. I have just been trying to watch what I eat, portion size, and listen to my stomach and eat when I am hungry so I am not starving.
I am eating even more vegetables than I did (and I already ate more than normal) leafy greens, salad, baby carrots and sugar peas, spinach (chopped finely) in my homemade turkey soup...I still know I can't eat a potato I don't have the willpower for that yet.
I know somewhere on here a couple posts ago someone else was talking about bathroom issues, constipation. My Dr told me not to use "harsh" quick acting laxatives. Instead, she recommend taking an over the counter stool softener, one in the am and one in the pm every day. I have been. She also told me to begin taking a fiber supplement daily. I am using benifiber clear powder. I add two teaspoons (actually measuring teaspoons) of benifiber to a tall glass of water each morning and night. I stir it in, and drink it down with my vitamins. Its working. No more pain no more heaviness feeling constantly etc. I am wondering if the extra fiber is also helping me not feel hungry as often?
Mainecyn, I am thinking about putting back potatoes in my diet because I haven't had those in awhile, but I too am not sure how my body will handle them. As far as other people binging goes, I too do not know any "serious bingers" like me - I do know people who might run to food when they feel distressed (i'm more of a binge the day away type), but I also sorta remind myself that we all have our own individual experiences, and my own growing up/life experiences were really strange and abusive in a strange way, so I couldn't relate to anyone else around me anyways - it makes sense that compared to others, I have an unusual attitude towards food...and everything else. LOL
As far as the pooing goes, I am very very very much into that. I have never had good experience with ANY conventional tips - I could recommend going on
this site http://www.gutsense.org/constipation/faq.html
especially the question
"What is the best diet for constipation relief?"
Following all the tips and reading into really finally helped me with my constipation - I've been a fiber-believer for years and years!
Also, I just wanted to add, that from an outside perspective, even though it may feel like to you that nothing much has changed, when I read your posts it DOES seem like you've made a lot of awesome changes - meaningful, introspective ones and that will carry people farther than those who mindlessly follow X, Y and Z techniques - making what big or small changes we can mindfully.
Thank you for the info Pixie, it is good to have the input from others to kind of gauge how I am doing. Often, others notice the changes in you before you do. The only thing I could see in myself after reading your reply is I would consider my approach to dealing with my binge eating more organized than previous approaches I have had in the past.
I am no longer trying to solve all the problems at once, such as control my binge eating, tackle all my self esteem issues, and lose weight, all at once. I have tried that approach and trying to do so I finally learned that I spread myself and efforts to THIN. I can not solve each problem applying maybe 10% of my effort and focus.
So, I'm trying to address the MAIN issue for me, the binge eating. It seems to be working as I am getting stronger avoiding it and working thru it. Ive been weight obsessed for years, and its a cycle..the binge makes you gain and the gain makes you binge. So, if I break that piece of my cycle I should be able to work on the others later. It seems to make sense to me when I think about it. But, who knows.
Ive been feeling physically better, maybe not totally emotionally positive, but improving. The finer is helping, the meals are also still smaller I noticed. Last night I had eaten dinner and half way thru I felt fullness and discomfort. Keep in mind the meal was already half of what I would normally eat. I added in a veggies snack the past couple of days this week, real food. Ive also had a few strawberries and raspberries with plain Greek yogurt.
Ive continued the water intake. I stepped on the scale this morning out of curiosity and down couple times. I figure if I continue eating right and not binge eating I should slowly get back to where I was. So scale reads 178-177.5 ish
************************************************** **********Tonight
Husband surprised me by saying we were going out to dinner. He had seen a commercial during the afternoon about a local restaurant, buffet. My first impulse was I don't wanna go, I don't dare go. Lets just say that a buffet is the last place I wanted to test myself with, not to mention its one of our favorite places to go. I always eat more than I plan on, and I try to keep control over what I am eating. When what I really want to do is dive face first into everything and wish I was alone.
I decided to go with the plate approach. I took three different plates, one at a time. I only put what I knew I really wanted to try on the plate, and only enough to fill the center of the plate-along with salad. I ate some of everything on the plates, all of it veggies, protien, low carb not breaded. I had a piece of steak that was the size of a deck of cards (a real serving size). For dessert I had 3 large strawberries that were incredible. I remember sitting there thinking, I'm full. I really don't need anything else-I said "Im done, done" my husband looked at me and said, totally done or just with what you have" I told him nope, I'm totally done, I can't eat anything else, I'm good-I wasn't full, but I wasn't hungry. I had tried everything that I wanted, and was all acceptable. I didn't feel deprived at all. My husband looked at me and said "are you sure, you usually eat more here than I do" and you've only eaten maybe a plate full." Told him yup. I was surprised that he commented on what I ate or didn't eat. I think it is not just in my head when I said I think I am eating less than I normally do.
I was satisfied. I also made sure I took my "dose" of fiber before we left (benifiber) thinking it would also probably help me feel fuller, faster. Whatever the reasons, I was successfully able to eat out and not over eat. I also am home and not searching for more to eat because after seeing all the desserts etc. laid out I wanted it and couldn't have it. Nothing, not at all. No desire to binge or even eat anything. I still don't know what is going on, but I'm happy it is and that I am still feeling in control. Its been at least 32 0r 33 days since I binged last.
Last edited by mainecyn; 02-22-2014 at 09:46 PM.
Reason: rest of day.
im so upset with myself-id managed 11days with no binge but its like i just gave up on friday night and i ate so much junk for no reason-then i decided right back to it on saturday but then gave up again by the nightime and spent last night binge eatin again-its now sunday morning and im trying to be positive and just start afresh-all the weight i lost over the 11 binge free days has now been gained again and more :-( why on earth do i do it to myself?!it really doesnt help that my partner consantly eats junk in front of me and always says do u want some of this and that etc...i wish i could just stay healthy and reach my goal-i have done it lots of times before but im findin it so hard this time-i need to get my determination back and its just seems lost at the moment-i think it helped me wen i had a diet buddy that i messaged everyday with progress as the support spurred me on-anyone else lookin for a support buddy?hope everyone is well this wknd :-)
Mainecyn - if the benefiber doesn't work for you (that stuff in the long run wrecked havoc on me!) I would REALLY look into that Gutsense site - and try incorporating more fat, less fibrous veggies, things that won't stress out your system and more leisurely type exercise. I know that it seems to go against every pooing/diet rule out there, but he really laid it out as to why, and when I tried all of his tips FINALLY my pooing improved. That really helped me out!
Mainecyn - if the benefiber doesn't work for you (that stuff in the long run wrecked havoc on me!) I would REALLY look into that Gutsense site - and try incorporating more fat, less fibrous veggies, things that won't stress out your system and more leisurely type exercise. I know that it seems to go against every pooing/diet rule out there, but he really laid it out as to why, and when I tried all of his tips FINALLY my pooing improved. That really helped me out!
I was wondering about the benefiber myself. The dr seems to really, really, push fiber. She had wanted to have me eat benefiber bars, which are full of sugar, carbs, and yes some fiber, and take pill form fiber. I had taken pill form fiber tablets years ago and they always caught in my throat, swelling as I drank water, making me sore and uncomfortable. This dr swears that fiber is the answer to everything, including firm but passable stool? Diet wise, when not binge eating, I have always followed a lc way of eating, proteins (eggs, meat and poultry etc), salads with multiple types of lettuces and spinach, berries, some dairy etc. I told the dr I was concerned at the idea of taking the fiber and the stool softener, thinking don't they defeat the purpose of each other>? She did say to lay off the softener as time went by and I had to stop taking it this past week. I have seen some changes, but my system is still messed up. I ended up having to take Imodium yesterday and day before for just the opposite reason.
I will take a look online and check into what your suggesting, thank you.
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with myself-id managed 11days with no binge but its like i just gave up on friday night and i ate so much junk for no reason-then i decided right back to it on saturday but then gave up again by the nightime and spent last night binge eatin again-its now sunday morning and im trying to be positive and just start afresh-all the weight i lost over the 11 binge free days has now been gained again and more :-( why on earth do i do it to myself?
Little Miss, I can relate to what you are saying. I have had 4 or 5 months where I would swear I would "do it this time" and not binge. I could go a few days and then for no reason I would start with one thing, then move on to something else-usly starting with just a small taste at first. I'd tell myself this time I could eat whatever it was I was craving and control my binge feeling. Sort of the idea that a little would make it better. Well, I'd do that, generally starting with eating something not so bad, berries, etc. Then I would move onto to something else, and it just continued and spiraled out of control. After I'd start the binge I didn't care about anything else. Until it was over, then the lowest emotions would come out. I wont do it again, I will have more control this time, I wont be controlled by food, I am not helpless. I'd go to sleep that night swearing the next day I would start fresh. Well the next day (usually a weekend) I tell myself well I've already messed up, or I will just be good later in the week and try to keep from over eating tomorrow.
There is always a tomorrow for me, I will do better then. I have gained 10 pounds over a weekend and then spent 4-6 weeks trying to drop that binge weight, only to gain a couple more because I am frustrated that the weight isn't coming off. It is a horrible cycle a hurtful cycle. I agree also that it isn't helpful or fair to have someone else in the house that can eat whatever they want, and also not binge. My husband is that for me, naturally thin, and no food issues, he is right this minute in the bedroom at the computer eating a slice of cake, chocolate frosting, crumbled oreos, and sliced strawberries. I'm sitting in the living room. No one else in my household faces what I face.
I noticed at times, night usually, that I would eat because my spouse was eating. Every single night my husband opens his "drawer" where he stashes his candy. He will sit in bed watching tv and peel peanut butter cups, or eat little debbie snacks etc. I would feel the frustrating building, my mouth watering, and the binge wanting to start. I would start by grabbing whatever I had that I could eat, nuts, cheese, etc. I would sit in bed and eat an entire bag of almonds.
If I was in binge mode while my husband was eating all this stuff I would wait for him to use the restroom, open his drawer and pick out what i think he wouldn't notice..and I would stuff my face as soon as he left the room. I would often tell him maybe he would like to take his bath (my husband has an obsession with baths, loves to read in the tube). While my husband safely in the tub I would reach for the multiple items I have hidden, under the bed, behind the mattresses, in my drawer, in the bottom of the pantry, behind the laundry detergent...you name it. I would eat at unbelievable speed. At the time it was better than any other feeling in the world and all I wanted was to be alone with my food, and my binge. I would watch the door, go as far as looking under it to see if I could tell he was still in the tub.
It is embarrassing but at times I do honestly remember saying that I could do with without anyone or anything else, that I would give anything just to eat whatever i want, how much I want, and nothing else mattered. I know I have had the thoughts, and I have worked to be alone at times to be alone and binge, excuses etc. I have thought about it over and over and while I felt guilty, its true. As my binge eating got even faster and was going every day I also remember when it started to feel bad, the high wasn't coming and I remember thinking then that I WOULD BE ALONE IF I COULDN'T STOP BINGE EATING. The binge eating makes me isolate myself, affects my relationship because after binging and gaining I don't want to be intimate with my husband. I become hostile, secretive, and depressed. Then, I binge again trying to make it go away.
You are not alone, everyone here is suffering from this and we understand. I am still going hour by hour trying not to let the binge eating over come me. I am right now listening to my head tell me, a snack sounds good go check out the fridge, while the rest of me is saying I'm not even hungry, why do it? That voice is there, like someone poking me, nudging me, telling me to go to the fridge and just get a snack..I know if I do right now I will then eat something else and probably start grazing until I'm in frantic mode and binge.
I am trying so hard to break the reaction..that voice or feeling pops up, i listen, I follow the command to go in search of food. I am trying to stop that signal and teach myself to "stop and think". Is my body actually hungry, is my stomach really wanting food, or is it just that voice saying your alone, no one would know, it would feel great.
I hate hearing that voice. Its my "prebinge" voice. I know it well. I am at a crossroads right now. This is when I will normally try to negotiate with that voice and go find a "healthy" snack. Well, that's a trap because I have never ever not gone back for something else after I listen to that voice.
thanks for the reply mainecyn..:-) its crazy to think u jus described me!my partner has his goodies drawer too and weirdly enough i ended up bingeing again last night and i had a whole bag of almonds!once again im starting afresh from today-i really need to do it this time or i will get nowhere amd i want to get out of this cycle-i need to try and distract myself wen i want junk food by doing puzzles or something and then try and go for a health alternative if i have a snack-uv done so well on ur weight loss already so well done on ur progress so far-today is the beginning of the new me-we can do it!!!!:-D
thanks for the reply mainecyn..:-) its crazy to think u jus described me!my partner has his goodies drawer too and weirdly enough i ended up bingeing again last night and i had a whole bag of almonds!once again im starting afresh from today-i really need to do it this time or i will get nowhere amd i want to get out of this cycle-i need to try and distract myself wen i want junk food by doing puzzles or something and then try and go for a health alternative if i have a snack-uv done so well on ur weight loss already so well done on ur progress so far-today is the beginning of the new me-we can do it!!!!:-D
You can definitely do this! Just keep checking in, it helps
Hey all, I haven't posted in a while but I have checked in now and then in the monthly over eating thread mainly as I find it helpful. I've been doing okay, and in the past month have made physical and what felt like emotional progress with binge eating but since 7am this morning I've contributed to what is one of my worst binges ever and I feel horrible. My family is probably suspicious as to where the rest of a club sized box of cereal and gallon of whole milk is and my debit card statement for today I'm afraid to even look at. I skipped class and left a take home exam in a professor's mailbox(without asking) as I felt too sick and embarrassed to go to my night class. I probably won't get credit for it, but I couldn't bare show my face or stop eating for long enough to sit still in class. I feel terrible and I'm terrified to sleep as I don't want to wake up to a stomach coated in pounds of new fat and clothes that don't fit tomorrow. I hope I'll look presentable by Wednesday when I have to go to work. Despite all this, I have identified and will no longer make excuses for what is a major self-imposed trigger for me(hopefully the last one I have to tackle), and I'm confident that this binge won't go in vein and that I will be alright in the long run starting right now. I wish you all the best of luck going forward and can't wait to hit the ground running in March.
You can definitely do this! Just keep checking in, it helps
thanks for the support its much appreciated!i managed my 1st day yesterday so its a start!i gained 5.8lbs over the wknd so im more or less back to the beginning but i swear this time im goin to do it-i had a docs appt yday for my eyes-im type 1 diabetic-and wat he said scared me so thats given me a big kick up the butt to b serious and reach my goal!heres to day 2-thanks again and hope u had a good wknd :-)
Sorry I haven't posted for a few days. I am currently staying with my partner while i have a week's work up here and so far (4 days) binge free. Its not even because i haven't had the opportunity, I really haven't thought about it or wanted to. I don't know whats caused it, but long may it continue.
Cyn: with regards to intimate time, I've noticed my behaviour change towards him as I've put the weight back on (he's known me 10 years. at my biggest and smallest). But now I think i am projecting my insecurities on to him, feeling slighted at the stupidest things and picking fights. Poor sod probably doesn't know whats hit him, he can't do right for doing wrong. But I am really struggling and i don't think its his fault at all.
We aren't 'lights off' people, or even 'wear pajamas often' type people, so staying hidden means a change in routine, or covering up would invite more questions that I'm just not ready to answer. And don't even start me with paranoia around 'being on top' (sorry :$)
Seems we're quite a few dealing with the big C. I actually went for colon hydrotherapy on saturday, as I was at a lost as to what else i could do. She could feel that i was blocked up to my ribs. She did the best she could but was not able to empty me..she said it will take at least 3 times cause i have such hard, dry stool that its just no loosening up. She was able to get a bit but not even enough to make a difference in my weigh lol.
I'm still taking the lactulose (this is what the hospital gave me last time i went in for that and it worked after 3 doses)..i've been taking it for a week now so that's 14 doses (its to soften the stools, not a stimulant). I worry about taking exlax now cause if i have a blockage somewhere, taking a stimulant might make things worse... I'm open to ideas (i drink 3+ liter of water a day, lots of lettuce and 4-5cups veggies a day (so i get lots of fiber from that), i've increased my fats a little but still low carb.
I'm not sure at which point i need to go back to the hospital or try the colon hydrotherapy again (not very pleasant).
hi-u might have already tried it but i have senna herbal tea and its great stuff if ur having trouble goin to the toilet and in my experience cantaloupe melon is good and iv found its the the lowest sugar/carb/cal melon that i have found...or my mum made her own candied orange peel last week by just boiling them and then coating them in a water and sweetener "syrup" orange peel is full of fibre and according to the web is about 100 cals and 25g carbs per 100g but is nice for a treat and tastes yummy and good for u :-) only problem is that they were so yummy i ate the whole lot over 2days-oops!iv asked her not to make them for a while..!:-)
I get this way all the time after have a binge. I can't go anywhere for fear that someone "knows" I get embarassed stopping at the gas station where I often have "picked up supplies" and think to myself that the cashier knows. Everyone that sees me there has to know, I always come alone, I'm always in a rush, and the only time I go in the store is to buy garbage. I can't bear to see my husband, thinking that its as plain to him that I binge as standing naked in front of him. He never ever says anything about my regaining weight but he has to wonder how. I mean if you don't see someone eat much of anything you would wonder how they put 30 lbs on? Right?
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But now I think i am projecting my insecurities on to him
Oh yes, I agree. Things are a little bit different now that I have gained some of my weight back. I have noticed that he pays attention and is always pulling the blanket up around me so I am covered..this is something he hasn't done since I was over 200lbs. I was less self conscious this time last year when I was at my lowest, before the binge eating began again. I was 147 lbs. We showered for the first time together-ever, I wasn't always concerned about being covered, and for the first time since we have been together I would occasionally get up and walk into the restroom in my underwear. Never ever before, and never ever again. I now have everything "under lock and key" I am terrified he will walk in at any time. I notice he has begun the habit over covering me up and I know its because I also project my insecurities and he notices. Earlier this week he came bounding in excited over something he had picked up at an auction. He was jumping all around and then ran over to me and put his hands on my waist then rubbed his hands up an down over and over..I flinched and pulled a way alittle, embarrassed at the love handles that now hang over my pants again. I had started wearing shirts that were a little less snug so it wasn't noticeable, but him touching me I couldn't hide the fat.
[QUOTE]We aren't 'lights off' people, or even 'wear pajamas often' type people, so staying hidden means a change in routine, or covering up would invite more questions that I'm just not ready to answer. And don't even start me with paranoia around 'being on top' (sorry :$)[QUOTE]
Oh geesh-I get the paranoia. I was comfortable smaller-now I am back to the train of thought that laying down gravity is my friend lol, everything smooths out.
Ok today is Feb 26th. I am now on day 37 binge free. I don't know how, still. But, I am not questioning myself. I do think about being binge free, it may be putting that pressure in my head, setting me up to fail, to binge again? But, I found myself the other day saying as I drove that it had been over a month since I hid food, ran to the gas station, or had to lie about my eating. I haven't lost weight, still. I think my body is defiantly confused.
I was concerned about possibly binge eating yesterday when I had a salty addition to my lunch yesterday=salted plantain chips. They are sinfully good. I used to open a bag, eat a few, go back for more, finish that bag, then say heck with it and eat three bags in one sitting. Yesterday, I was able to eat a small dish full with yogurt dip...then put them away and I never once thought about moving on to something else to eat, to look for something..I was satisfied.
I don't know what is happening, I really don't. Its odd. I also have been eating fruit, berries. I used to sit down and eat the entire container of raspberries or strawberries. Yesterday, I grabbed a handful of raspberries, put the rest away. I ate them slowly. I didn't have the reaction I usually get with a lot of foods. I used to just think of a certain thing that I liked to binge on, and my mouth literally would water. I would get confused and flustered..couldn't stop thinking of that food til I ate it. None of that. I have been able to just say "that is enough, there will be some left for later if I want it" or I eat a small amount and then I can hear that newer voice in my head say, "ok, I'm full, or not really that hungry" and put it away. Has anyone else been thru this after awhile or not binge eating? I've never had it, even years ago when I was able to not binge eat for a couple years. I always thought of food then and wanted to binge, just didn't or I would over eat on Atkins friendly foods.
I haven't read anymore of the Brain over binge book. I keep meaning to, but with work, the kids, errands, house, etc. I haven't had time. Everyone owns a second or two of my day no matter what time it is. Again, I know that nothing in my real life has changed at all, its all the same, all the same stress, all the kids, the home, work, etc. but nothing is happening..I am not binge eating. For me after facing 25 years of this, incredible amounts of foods (5-10,000 calories at a time) it makes no sense. I can't figure it out.
I can't figure it out.
