this thread seems to have been made with me in mind. I am a binge eater, not just over eat a few cookies here and there, but a confirmed "medically" binge eater. I am just now trying to stop a binge that has gone on for a month, I have gained 20 lbs. I do well for a while and then fall into a binge cycle that will have me binge every day or every other day. I have eaten all day, gone to the multipule MCdonalds here in town, ordered from each drive thru, eaten two or three shakes, fries, boxes of cookies, 5 packs of reeses peanut butter cups, the list goes on..thats just from today. I can binge on any food, if I have to I will binge on healthy food. I eat and eat, there is no full. I have tried medications in the past but have not had any success. I was put on a diet med a couple months ago Phentermine and I managed to gain weight while I was on it, eating and eating. I have lost almost 100 pounds the past couple years and the scale keeps creeping up and up. I need to get this under control, it is ruining my health physically and emotionally.
I have picked up the 17 day diet book and am planning on starting it Monday. I have to get back in line. I feel there are two of me, the one that everyone sees, and the one that hides in my car, hides in the bathroom, the bedroom, anywhere, and eats till a normal person would vomit. I have never been a binge and purge person, just binge. I can't seem to find anyone that totally understands that I can eat enough food for 5 people during a binge, within an hour or so. I binge and then return to my family, an unsuspecting husband, and kids, that all think I am always in control and a healthy eater, I would die of embarrassment if they actually saw the amount of food I put away.
I have done exactly the same thing you describe, eating in secrecy, hiding in odd places while I eat, hiding food in my car or in my closet, eating enough for a whole family, etc. It is a really hard cycle to break (as you know), and even when we've successfully lost weight and seem like we know exactly what we are doing, we can still fall right back into that cycle.
Deep breaths. You CAN do this, no matter how bad it has been last month, yesterday, today. You CAN break it, believe that you CAN. At first it may feel like you are clinging to the top of a mountain by your fingertips every minute or every day, but you can break the cycle again and get back into a healthy pattern.
Sending you hugs, sending you strength, sending you peace.
Elderflower, Thank you for responding. I'm so glad I could help you. I really want you to succeed, and it takes one step at a time. Please come here and post anytime that you want. We all have the same problems. We're here to help each other get strong. We also want to hear about your progress, too,: and I know you will have progress.
mainecyn, I agree with everything Mrs.Snark said. We're all feel like we've lived a double life. But that's no good. It really does a number on us physically and emotionally. It's in us to change. And we can. I'm wishing you the best! Take it one minute at a time. Do whatever you can to break the cycle. It can be done! Please post more and tell us how you are doing.
I just had to say thank you. Thank you for the support, the kind words, for "getting" it and truly understanding the complexity of binging. I put it all out there and shared things Id never tell a soul that knows me in the real world, no one here understands, its an addiction, truly is, Ive fought it all my life with varying degrees of success and failure. My husband has no food issues, or eating issues, always comments on my strength of losing all that weight and having will power, cause as he says we all know losing weight is just eating less and exercising more. When we dated I was at my heaviest, 248 pounds. When we married 5 years ago I was desparetly trying to drop weight and lost about 20 lbs. I got down to my lowest 155 a few years after that. Ive kept most of it off and thought I had completely broken my binge eating.
Then something happened a couple years ago, don't know what it was except I slowly allowed certain foods in or cheat days. Since then the past two years have felt like being dragged face first behind a truck..something as simple as stopping the behavior I know I Hate should be as simple as stop putting food in my face, it just isn't. I feel so dirty, ashamed, and defeated ea h time I binge. The sad thing is I dream of my next binge when I'm in that mode. I am eating and eating and think about what else is in the house, what I can eat so no one notices, or what I can go get next. Its an affiar, a cheat, a lie. Everything I would never do in any other part of my life.
Yesterday I picked up candy bars while shopping with my husband, he went to go get something so while in check out I grabbed a dozen quickly and hid them in the front of our groceries, watching them get scanned and eyeing that bag as we checked out watching and putting the candy in front of our line so he wouldn't see. I tried fishing the candy bars outta the bag without being seen as we loaded groceries bit couldn't. I tried grabbing the bag to bring in the house, couldn't he sent me to unlock the door as he carried it all in. I started taking care of groceries and kept telling my husband I could take care of the rest go relax, he wouldn't leave. He found the bag of candy before I got to it and told me, aw thank you, I didn't see you grab these, that was thoughtful of you they are all my favorites. I just mumbled, well I know how much you like having one for dessert with your lunch at work, or when your in the tub. My husband told me, your so sweet and thoughtful, these will last me a week or so. Off he went with my stash and I stood there red faced, thinking of those peanut butter cups that suddendly were beyond my reach. I obsessed on them until I could sneak out today and get a bag full.
I have a fridge full of healthy food that we bought yesterday, instead of eating any of it today I have eaten garbage all day in huge amounts telling myself I will eat right tomorrow that this weekend was the last binge and I will start Monday off sticking to a diet and drop the twenty plus pounds ive gained and hopefully more.
Oh my goodness, I have been awful
I thought being binge free would be easy once school started and I had work to keep me busy, and that being poor and only going grocery shopping once a week would keep me from eating all my food in one sitting, but nope
Here I am, just ate two burnt peanut butter cookies that I took out of the trash after throwing them out because they were burnt and I didn't want to eat them all
I keep saying I will stop, but I keep putting it off.
So tomorrow is Day 1, I'm going to keep coming back here and try my hardest not to give in to food.
Tomorrow will be a long day, busy from 7 to 4, and then homework of course.
I want to be an intuitive eater so badly. I'm sick of living this way- stuffing my face with food that I don't even want as soon as my housemates are all out of the door
I have done the same thing, in fact did it today. I have thrown things out so wouldn't eat them, only to change my mind. Tonight it was a huge hunk of shepards bread I put aside to feed to the birds. I was going to throw it away, walked to the trash and just couldn't. Then I decided id just go ahead and eat it. Ive also eaten burned cookies, etc. I have noticed in the books ive read that all binge eaters seem to do it in private, we all wait for someone to leave so we can eat..your reaction of eating as soon as your roomatew leave is comman behavior. I wish I had words of advice, but I do not. It hasn't even been three hours since my last binge, that's why I searched out this board. Just like I was told from my first post earlier tonight, your not alone and please don't beat yourself up and make yourself feel worse. I'm telling myself it all starts over tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.
Like you the day time is easy for me not to over eat but starting at 5 when I get home from work, and weekends, it is uncontrollable
Megan, welcome! I'm so happy you're joining us! And I'm so happy to hear that tomorrow is day 1. Best of luck to you!! Report tomorrow and tell us how your day went. We're all in this together.
mainecyn, I hope tomorrow is your day 1, too. Just to let you know, sugar is addictive. It makes you crave more sugar and then want to eat more carbohydrates. They've done studies on rats, who never had sugar before. Once they had it, they wanted more and more. That's what's going on with you right now. You've got to stop this vicious cycle. Start eating a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. No sugar right now. You can have it later, but beware it will cause you to overeat. We're all working at stopping this idiotic behavior. I know you can, too. We're all rooting for you! Please post how you did. Eating normally feels so much better than overeating and hiding. I hate that anxious feeling. I really want you to succeed.
I'm feeling so much better today. But had to be careful, because it's easy to overindulge on weekends. I'm so proud of myself for counting every morsel, and I got through it. Hope everyone has a good night.
Ugh. I made it almost 6 weeks and today I binged. Several triggers came together: scale going up despite being on plan, saw a terrible picture of myself, a few other personal issues, and bam!
BUT -- I am here to say I will be right back on plan tomorrow. While I am tempted to restrict to compensate, I know that is not the solution. I will plan a day of clean, delicious food and stick to it like glue. I can do it. I WILL do it.
I am scared to death to weigh myself tomorrow. I am so dependent on that number.
Day #4 with sticking to a calorie range/food plan went well. I made some substitutions to parts of my meals but I made sure they were equal in calories to what was on my plan ,so it all worked out! I felt really good about that because in the past I have judged myself so harshly if I did not stick to my food plans exactly. I know now that type of thinking and beating myself up never helped. It's still one meal at a time right now. The day didn't seem to be moving in slow motion today , so hopefully that means with everyday that passes I am getting closer and closer to making my food plan an actual healthy habit that feels more natural! I hope everyone who came to join the thread today really takes to heart that they are not alone.
Happy Monday everyone, let's all have a healthy day! We can do it!
7lbs -- <<<hugs>>> Don't let the scale make you feel bad, after a binge it is such a temporary, transient number that it is practically meaningless. Six weeks binge-free is such an accomplishment, you will get yourself right back into the swing of things. I'm sorry you had such a rough day, but I know you can put it behind you and just keep moving forward as you have been! You will do great with your plan!
Megan - I have learned to put soap on anything I'm throwing out in the trash for that very reason. Hang in there, I hope today will be a great day 1 for you, you can do it!
Mak78 - Great job! We are our own worse critics, aren't we. It sounds like you handled the food subs perfectly, you should be proud!
Last edited by Mrs Snark : 10-07-2013 at 09:19 AM.
Wow, 7lbs you made 6 full weeks binge free, what an amazing accomplishment. You should focus on the fact that you made it 6 weeks, not focus on one day. I know from experience it is so hard to recognize the accomplishments we do make and only focus on what we view as failures. Try to think back on what you did during those six week to make it that far, you had to get stronger every day and faced some difficulties on the way emotionally and physically. Its always an issue that sets the binge off, always something that drains away our self esteem or makes us Hate yourself for a moment, that's what breaks us. But, you sound like you haven't fell into a major binge that lasts for days, you've picked yourself up and are determined to keep going. Id advise not to step on that scale, yet after binging for days the first thing I did was step on the scale this morning to see how I should see myself and feel about myself. I am thinking of you.
musiclover, that is what this is all about, making the necessary mind-switch, we have absolute power over what we put in our mouths. It is ALL A MIND GAME! Of course, getting to that stage is the tricky part, but once we do we have half the battle fought.
I am so sorry to listen to your story. I had a boyfriend some 15 years ago who controlled my eating and called me fat. It was abusive but that's beside the point. Thing is, he would go through my stuff and take away by stash nearly once a week. I was young so I had an allowance, once it was gone I had no more money for binge food, and I would steal. I am so ashamed of all the food I stole when I was young. It is a cheat like you say, we would do anything for our addiction. Because it IS an addiction. Junk food will make you suffer and crave and even steal for more.
As for myself- I am so happy to say I have 11 binge-free, over-eating-free days. I have used the 4 yr. old Dr. Phil quote: Every time my junkie-monkey jumps, I say to myself "what are you 4? You CAN SAY NO". And I do say no.
Musiclover,ggbsy and Sum, thank you for doing so well! 7lbs. you've been so great for so long, I know that you will get right back up. Don't let a blip discourage you. We are all in this together.
I posted this on another site, and I thought it might help some with motivation. Please stay strong today.
You have to have a small goal each day, week or month. For example, I'm eating out with my girlfriends tomorrow. I decided last week that I was going to count every morsel before I went out to lunch with them. My goal for December is to show the idiot nurse at the Dr's office that my weight went down from a few months ago (since she made a nasty comment). I am making a goal of sticking to it until my next Zumba class next week. Little goals that will motivate you. You have to make a game out of it. Get busy. Distract yourself. Go out. Did you buy yourself Yellow flowers? Give yourself a reward when you made it through the day. Say nice things to yourself. You're are already ahead in the game, because at least you are trying to do what's right! Give yourself stars after each half hour of not having what you craved. Take a fun class that you like. Get on the computer and learn more about health when you want to eat. Just coming here and asking for help was fantastic! Find out, "What's really going on?" when you crave food. It's really something else. Maybe it's emotional, financial, anger, sadness, being bored, being alone, maybe you need more vitamin B, maybe you need more endorphins or serotonin. Sugar makes you crave more food. Remember, this is a habit and can lead to an addiction. It takes time to get over it. Very few people get that aha moment. It's all up to you and how bad you want it.