Hey all! I think my post belongs here, although I am not sure? Anyway, I just joined today and decided to post my problem, after having lurked for a long while I am just jumping in and asking for help!!!
My issue is that I have lost and regained my last pounds around 5 times just this year. I am aware of what causes the regain. It all starts when someone says: "you look skinny!!!" Well that is the kiss of death to me!!! Just as I reach the weigh I am comfortable in, "compliments" start pouring in and I don't know what happens inside my head as in that moment sabotage begins. And I quote the word compliments, because they are not really compliments, they are more like "tell me how you did it... oh you did it like THAT?... no that can't be done, I can't do that", which obviously plants the seed in my mind that I am a fluke and it is just an illusion and that I can't possibly sustain my loss because nobody else can, and seriously who do I think I am to be able to lose the weight?
Sabotage, sabotage, sabotage.
Sabotage as in binging behavior, which starts happening nightly. I behave so good during the day, but as night comes, I start craving cookies and candy. I am just, well, not able to stop myself, as victimizing as that sounds . I completely forget that I promised to be good to myself that very morning. I forget about my goals, my desires, my need to be healthy. I have this deep desire to soothe myself, my thoughts are the "life sucks, everything sucks, I need some joy and happiness in my life" variety. Does that make sense?
The pounds start piling up after that, and my negative defeating thoughts start appearing during the day. I literally hurt myself from the moment I wake up. The thoughts start yelling inside my head: you are no good, you can't keep doing this to yourself, how can you hurt yourself like this?, you always promise and never deliver, what is wrong with you?
Of course this negativity affects me on so many levels!
I need advice on 2 things. First, how can I stop sabotaging myself after skinny compliments? Secondly, how can I stop the current binge streak?
Thanks anyone who takes the time to read this!
ETA: I eat 5 meals a day, lots of protein in each meal. Exercise junkie: 5 days a week, 2 hour sessions. Have dinner late around 9pm because I workout 6:30-8:30. Already in therapy, the psychological type not the behavioral one, my therapist believes all my obsessions, including binging, will cease to cause trouble when I solve the underlining issues, which I agree but it's taking so long my body can't wait.