Quote:
Originally Posted by NoNoNOJ
Last night, I drank a lot – 5 glasses of wine and then stopped by the store and got a container of sugar free frosting, a box of sugar free cake mix, a pound of nuts, a pound of chocolaty trail mix and five containers of artic freeze ice cream. I ate one half of a container of ice cream, calorie free chocolate sauce, half the container of frosting and half the container of cake mix, and a bunch of trail mix. I then stood in front of the sink and stuck a wooden spoon and my fist down my throat to throw up as much of the food as I could. I did okay but didn’t get all of it. I also ate a bunch of seafood and hummus last night.
A few times, I accidentally ate a potato or some starch and spit it out and put it on the floor near the wall next to the table. I have no idea if my colleagues saw me do this, I feel frustrated that I did this to myself. The slave driver in me is trying to make me feel like a jerk and feel worthless. I made a mistake and I don’t have to judge myself for it.
I know that I have to stop drinking because, when I drink the probability that I will do this increases.
It's a struggle.
I don't know much about bulimia but on addiction issues, I am learning.
Wondering...have you ever considered going low carb/low sugar/and no artificial sweeteners.
Things like aspartame are KNOWN to cause the same kind of reactions in the body as sugar spikes and can make you feel even more hungry. Sugar itself is one of the most highly addictive substances going. Addiction to alcohol often has addiction to sugar wrapped up in with it.
This is not about being a worthless, jerk who has no self control. It is about powerfully addicting substances that feed a hunger drive.
More sugar/more aspartame = more hunger. We are led to believe that by choosing so called 'sugar free artificially sweetened' we are making healthy choices when in fact we are being drawn into the use of substances that put our internal chemistry right out of whack.
Carbs convert to sugar so can have the same effects in our systems.
If this is resonating for you, I urge you to explore going low carb. There is a low carb section on 3FC. Jimmy Moore has an information filled website. Experts like Gary Taubes, Volek and Phinney (sp?) are another place to go.
I've gone low carb via the Ideal Protein Diet. It is one option in a range of many choices.
If one is really sugar addicted, the first week or so is tough. You go through what is known as 'carb flu' ...essentially a detox/withdrawal period from the addicting substances that are carbs and sugars.
Getting good levels of protein ( no beans because they are full of carbs) means high satiety or in other words very little hunger.
You are not a worthless jerk. You are struggling with addiction.