[sunbeam86]

Sorry to do this but I feel like I have to vent and there's no one I can talk to about this. If you care enough to read this, thank you!
So I feel quite plump at 5'7" and 160. I have a small frame so I think this is about 25-30 pounds too much for me. I've been doing really well for awhile and lost about 10 pounds and firmed up. I felt really positive about my body's future and in control of myself. I actually didn't have the desire to overeat!

Then I decided to move in with some friends to another town. No problem, I'm excited about it! But the problem is that the deadline crept up on me and I suddenly felt I was drowning and overwhelmed, literally running from morning till night to get everything done. And I've been feeling stressed. I usually never stress, so I haven't really known how to handle it. I didn't feel like myself. And I started bingeing. I had these horrid nightly cravings for carbs and sugar and everything bad for me. And when I gave in once, then twice, then more....eventually I wasn't even trying to fight it anymore.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, my exhaustion has caused me to stop exercising. I had been doing a lot: jogging, circuits with weights, dancing, and elliptical. But now it's so sporadic that it's a joke.

I'm so fed up with myself and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle because no matter what I can't seem to dredge up my old motivation. I wake up in the morning and think, "Today's the day, no more bingeing, gonna get a good workout, blah blah....". Next thing I know I'm eating mac and cheese and then wanting to crash. Why do I do this to myself??? I feel like a cow and I'm starting to feel hopeless and lost.

I keep thinking that when I lose weight and feel good about myself, life will start. "When I lose weight I'll do this and that and this...." I'm tired of waiting and I want to overcome myself and embrace life and feel in the moment and happy. Also I want to be healthy and stop having carb crashes and being sluggish. Any advice on getting back on track? Please remind me that there IS hope!!!

[vintagecat]

Okay I get it that you are venting but the truth always comes out in a vent. I'll probably tell you something that you don't want to hear: First of all, you might need to lose a little weight (and I do mean a little) to be at your very best but putting off living your life to the fullest for 10,15, 20 extra pounds is silly, not uncommon but silly.

You need to slow down and take a breath to get some perspective. Reading your post exhausted me. I think it's fair to say that any number of us here would love to weigh 160 but that doesn't mean that what you are doing to yourself is in any way healthy physically or emotionally, because it's not.

I'll quote you here: "I had been doing a lot: jogging, circuits with weights, dancing, and elliptical." No wonder you've given up on exercising. That's a lot on anyone's plate. Pick the one or possibly two that you like best and stick with it. Unless you are an athlete and need the training there is no need to overdo. The risk of overdoing is doing nothing at all.

Do you try to cram 15 pounds of beans in a 6 pound sack as a matter of course? If so, give yourself a break . There is only so much a human being can do in a day without intervention of an unhealthy sort whether that be drugs or stress eating.

In general I say, give yourself a break!!! None of us is perfect. You seem very down on yourself for what exactly? Being a fallible human? Take a day off from whatever you do: beating yourself up, exercising, eating crap, stressing over what in the end will be inconsequential matters. Find somewhere beautiful, calm and quiet and try to recenter yourself and let the wisdom of the universe inside of you guide your next few days. Repeat as necessary until you are centered and have perspective and then dust off and carry on.

I wish you peace in your journey.

Cathy

[Mrs Snark]

I've been there, sister. And in my experience a binge always leads to more binging. It becomes a cycle and it is SO hard to break. SO so so hard.

Excellent advice from Vintagecat, particularly the part about giving yourself a break. This is hard, like, REALLY hard. So try to be a bit gentle with yourself as you struggle through it.

Please don't feel hopeless or lost. Lots of us here completely relate. I wish I knew the "ultimate answer" or "cure" for binging, but I don't, there doesn't seem to be a one size fits all solution to this behavior.

But you need to remind yourself that you KNOW how to handle it for YOU, because you have DONE IT BEFORE. You are struggling right now, but you CAN do this.

You will. We all fall down, the key is to get back up. Don't look backwards, just deal with today. You can do it.

[sunbeam86]

To vintagecat: Thanks for responding.

I have no problem hearing what you said, in fact I think you're very right. It is completely ridiculous for me or anyone to put their life on hold until they feel like they're fit. It's just hard for me to get rid of that mentality even though I know it's an unhealthy view. And yeah, I realize that 160 is actually a goal for many on here. But I think the feelings and issues that go along with being overweight are the same regardless of how far you have to go, a little or a lot.

It's funny that my post made you exhausted, because all this going on in my brain and heart is totally exhausting me also! You hit the nail on the head. I think it's robbing me of mental energy that I could be using much more efficiently.

And the exercise thing, well....I wasn't doing all that in one day, I was rotating those workouts to avoid boredom. Even I don't hate myself that much to try and do all that at once!!! haha, jk :P

I'm going to take your advice tonight. I plan on walking my dog and doing some relaxing and thinking. Thanks for reminding me that I'm only human and I'm allowed to mess up now and then, I needed to hear that.

[Brandis]

Maybe when you feel like bingeing you could take out a piece of paper and write down what is going on in your head at that moment? I know a lot of binges for me usually start out with some festering thought that is niggling at my thought processes, sometimes not even at the forefront of my mind. If you can identify it, maybe you can stop the next binge before it happens?
Also, I think when we are overwhelmed by feeling as though too may things are on the list, we just can't make any of them come to life. At least I can't. I don't mean to generalize other people. Maybe it's just me, but I am a huge procrastinator, and I get overwhelmed easily. So just tackle a few things at a time.You don't have to do everything in one day. Get some of your actual living done! That way, you don't have to put that off, too.

And every person knows what kind of weight feels good for them, so I don't think you feeling uncomfortable at your current weight is anything inappropriate. I know when I have lost weight in the past, other people tell me how great I look, and please don't lose any more, blah, blah, but that is just them reacting to the loss. It usually happens somewhere about 10lbs before I am even in a normal BMI. And it's definitely not the weight I am most comfortable at. So don't bash your head against a rock for having feelings. In fact, take the rock, bash the box of macaroni, and explore the feelings that make you want to eat.

Oh by the way, there is hope!

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by sunbeam86

I'm so fed up with myself and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle because no matter what I can't seem to dredge up my old motivation. I wake up in the morning and think, "Today's the day, no more bingeing, gonna get a good workout, blah blah....". Next thing I know I'm eating mac and cheese and then wanting to crash. Why do I do this to myself??? I feel like a cow and I'm starting to feel hopeless and lost.

I keep thinking that when I lose weight and feel good about myself, life will start. "When I lose weight I'll do this and that and this...." I'm tired of waiting and I want to overcome myself and embrace life and feel in the moment and happy. Also I want to be healthy and stop having carb crashes and being sluggish. Any advice on getting back on track? Please remind me that there IS hope!!!

Why are you trying to dredge up old motivation? What's wrong with new motivation? And why do you need motivation at all? Motivation is really not necessary, it comes and goes like the need to pee. The only thing you need is a commitment. I don't always wake up in the morning WANTING to exercise, but I do wake up COMMITTED to exercise.

The problem with "today is the day" mentality is that it sets you up to fail, because it sets you up to be a completely different person. Who's capable of waking up one day and being a completely different person, a perfect person at that? Nobody! Life is a series of moments. Don't think of it as today is the day, think of it as "here's my hunger, what do I do?" or "in the next 5min I'm going to have to choose something to eat, it better be good." It's the small decisions that make a difference.

I have a lot more weight to lose than you, but I remember feeling like that even when I wasn't so heavy. The problem is that I put so many things off and I still do and I hate this about myself. My future self is always skinny and I'm such a disappointment to myself when I've reached that time goal only to still be fat. Don't go down that route, I'm trying to be happy with myself but it's hard, I know.

[vintagecat]

So how are you doing today sunbeam? Better we hope.

[sunbeam86]

Thanks everyone for responding! You all had some great words of wisdom for me and it was very comforting to hear.

@Vintagecat: I'm doing much better lately! I feel so much better about myself, my future, and life in general! I forced myself to overcome all that negativity and readjust my outlook. Yesterday I woke up feeling great, very positive and excited about the challenge of getting back on track instead of feeling hopeless.

Yesterday was another whirlwind because I had to travel to my new city and look for work and do some interviews. But I didn't feel stressed about it!!! And I did have to eat out twice, but I suppose you could do worse than a salad and a half sub. Not to mention that I got up at 5 to work out.

Oh, and another step forward for me: I told two of my roommates that I am declaring September my "Month of Health." I won't overdo on junk, no more late nights (at least not habitually), and I'll make time for REGULAR exercise (and my beloved treadmill will finally be out of storage!). Telling them about my plans will make me even more accountable I think.

I know that I won't do everything I envision perfectly, but that's okay cause I'm only human. If someone else messed up and had a setback like mine, I wouldn't have such a terrible opinion of THEM as I have had of ME. That's just not fair. Thanks for reminding me of that everyone! On to the (healthier) future!!!