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Help...and please pray for me...

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Old 05-10-2013, 12:56 AM   #1
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Default Help...and please pray for me...

Iím on an epic binge and Iím scared of how self-destructive Iíve been and may continue to be. In just hours Iíve consumed 4pints of ice cream and a massive taco salad (One lb. of beef, .5 lb. of cheese, and a one lb. bag of tortilla chips). I LOVED AND HATED EVERY BITE! The food coma has me physically and emotionally numbÖ..but the sick truth is I will actually have the house to myself on Saturday and I disturbingly have another gorge planned for then.

October 2011 I began to eat healthier and exercise regularly (an average 1500 daily calorie/1-2 hrs daily cardio) By January 2013 I was 90 lbs. down Ö from 280-189 (from size 28 to size 14). I felt and looked fabulous. It is now May 2013 and just four months after achieving my lowest/healthiest size/lifestyle I have now regained 70 lbs. back.

I.worked.soooo.hard.how.did.I.let.this.happen

I reached my highest of 280 not by binge eating; it took me years to get that largeÖbut in mere months Iíve erased all my hard work and habits....Iím so lost and donít understand why my pattern is to now go a day or two counting calories/exercising and then I plow through lbs and lbs of food the next and I also hide food from my family and eat every last morsel on my own. I donít understand what is happening
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Old 05-10-2013, 04:12 AM   #2
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I didn't want to read this without replying - I don't really have any advice for you, but I've been there and I know that horrific feeling of loving but hating every mouthful and planning binges that you are both looking forward to and dreading. I think it is a good first step that you're looking for support and help to stop the binge, as one of the biggest things that stops binges is willpower.

I'm not sure what causes bingeing, but a question that gets asked here a lot is whether you are restricting yourself too much In your diet? Are you cutting too many treats and calories out of your daily food intake? That could lead to cravings and, in my way of thinking, your body starts to rebel like a teenager 'she says I can't have it? Screw her! I'm going to eat all of it and that'll show her!'
Is it your time of the month? I've just come out of a very dark bingeing period like yours, and I think it was a combination of weight loss burnout (I've been at this constantly since Jan 2012), a nasty, long-lasting plateau and period hormones (I have PCOS so TOM is particularly brutal here). If it is your time of the month, I expect the crazy fog will start to lift soon, and this episode will just be a blip. Is there anything you can think of that might be causing this binge that you can 'solve'?

My only suggestions to you are things that have worked for me in case that helps you. Try relaxing your calorie count/food intake for a little while. I find it easier to cut back on portion sizes than to cut out binges, so I deliberately overeat at meal times to force out the desire to binge (or so I can repeat to myself over and over "you had four pieces of garlic bread and two pieces of cake with dinner, you really do not need to eat anything right now") I will have eaten less calories overall than if I'd binged and I can just wean myself back onto normal meals.
I also buy food that I like but can't eat as much of as my usual binge food and then I give myself full, guilt-free permission to eat as much of it as I want, knowing that I will self-regulate and eat less anyway whilst still feeling like I've satisfied my binge craving. You could also try this with healthy food, as eating pounds and pounds of strawberries or cucumber would leave you with that stuffed feeling but not affect the scales so much. The idea being that the binges drop off when you have gained control of the situation by allowing the binges but controlling the food.
I also focus on my meals. Again, I would relax the calories and plan my meals for the day to be three meals that I love and I would plan to eat them at whatever time I feel hungry. Then, when I want to binge I focus on my next delicious meal which is coming soon and remind myself of how great it will be and then I enjoy the heck out of every single bite.
I hope this has helped in some way, but if not remember you have complete support here. This forum is full of people with the same problems as you and plenty of possible solutions and listening ears. Post here whenever you need us, it'll help. Good luck and keep strong.
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Old 05-10-2013, 01:02 PM   #3
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BadAngel, i am so sorry you are going through this and i know this is hard to believe, but you are normal. Read the thread here called "anyone stopped restricting with positive results" and google the Minnesota Starvation Experiment. You will see that binging is a NORMAL, expected result of a long (or in my case, short, ha) period of restriction. So what's the solution, then? Well, i'm trying to figure that out myself. I'm pretty sure, though, that the solution is NOT any more restriction. You have to free yourself from ALL dieting. That will mean you will binge for a while in the beginning as your body gets used to being allowed to have FOOD. After that...i'm not sure, i'll tell you when i figure it out.
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:41 PM   #4
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I think we can all relate to what you are going through. For around 35 years and went from dieting to binging non-stop, till I could figure our what worked for me: First I stopped restricting and "cleaned" my eating of junk, then I started to work on my emotions to understand which sent me to eat, then I reduced carbs, and once I felt in control I started to count calories. If I ever went over the number of cals I could eat, I just started over fresh. I don't know if this helps you, because we are all different in this, but that "sequence" worked for me and it keeps working in maintenance. Clean eating, never going hungry and a little splurge now and then, plus lots of exercise. I have kept my weight for almost a year, which is something I had never been able to do before (Im 48).
Try to find what works for you, and keep posting about your fears, doubts and achievements. You'll be fine! And if you lost weight once, you can do it again, if you really want to!
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Old 05-10-2013, 03:27 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BadAngel View Post
Iím on an epic binge and Iím scared of how self-destructive Iíve been and may continue to be. In just hours Iíve consumed 4pints of ice cream and a massive taco salad (One lb. of beef, .5 lb. of cheese, and a one lb. bag of tortilla chips). I LOVED AND HATED EVERY BITE! The food coma has me physically and emotionally numbÖ..but the sick truth is I will actually have the house to myself on Saturday and I disturbingly have another gorge planned for then.

October 2011 I began to eat healthier and exercise regularly (an average 1500 daily calorie/1-2 hrs daily cardio) By January 2013 I was 90 lbs. down Ö from 280-189 (from size 28 to size 14). I felt and looked fabulous. It is now May 2013 and just four months after achieving my lowest/healthiest size/lifestyle I have now regained 70 lbs. back.

I.worked.soooo.hard.how.did.I.let.this.happen

I reached my highest of 280 not by binge eating; it took me years to get that largeÖbut in mere months Iíve erased all my hard work and habits....Iím so lost and donít understand why my pattern is to now go a day or two counting calories/exercising and then I plow through lbs and lbs of food the next and I also hide food from my family and eat every last morsel on my own. I donít understand what is happening
Hello there BadAngel

I know what you are going through. About a month and a half ago, I had my feast fest as well. My weapons of choice were cake, chili cheese fries & pizza. I believe it's something that you just have to do in order for you to push forward. It's a lot like reverse psychology... When you were a child, everything that your parents told you that you couldn't have, you wanted more so than before. That's basically all this is. Denying yourself of what you want has built up so much that now you can no longer hold back. Honestly, I didn't regret anything that I did. I knew I shouldn't have been eating the cake, but after each piece I had, I didn't bury myself in guilt for doing it. I just said to myself "Well, you just ate all of that cake, almost the whole pizza and a large order of chili cheese fries... Oh well. What's done is done!"

After that, I went for a long walk. So, what I do now is go walking or do some type of moderate exercise after I have something that I "shouldn't". This way, there really is no room for guilt. If I want a doughnut, then I'll walk to the doughnut shop instead of driving there and eat it on the way home. Now, I rarely crave those things. It's all a journey we are all traveling together. You're in my prayers, I know you can work through this. We are here, always! Have a Blessed day!
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Old 05-11-2013, 02:29 AM   #6
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This is why I don't like the word diet. Diet to me has just a temporary meaning. Diets are typically very restrictive--don't eat that--eat this. When in reality--everyone should be able to eat what they like. The problem is they're eating too much of it.

Bad Angle--you seem to be in a cycle of this. You lost 70 pounds--something triggered in your brain at that time that it was O.K. to "eat" again. And you went right back to the foods that you enjoyed most. Is it possible that if you ate a "little" pizza-tacos during that 70 pounds lost--that you wouldn't have felt the need to binge on those items a year later? Only you can answer that question.

But the entire point to long term weight loss is eat less--move more. Note that there is no guideline for what you can or cannot eat in that statement--it's just eat less of it.

Just a suggestion--half size your portions of anything you like to eat-adding to that of course vegi's and fruits. Cut back on your exercise. 1-2 hours of cardio daily is probably too much for you--it's even too much for many skinny people. Do that every other day--then work up to 4 times a week. I would also find a hobby to get your mind off of food. Even a paint by number is going to sit you at a table for hours focusing on painting a picture that also keeps your hands busy. If you can control your mind--you can control your weight.

Typically weight that is lost slowly stays off--probably because the person has the time to make a life-style change of how much they're eating and exercising--where it becomes a good habit they acquire-which then becomes something they like to do-versus something they hate to do because they're so focused on rapid weight loss--which often turns into a yo yo diet-that brings on the binging.

Good luck to you--and don't give up.

Last edited by Kscott : 05-11-2013 at 03:15 AM.
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:17 PM   #7
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Kscott - Great advice! I absolutely agree with you. It's all about moderation and exercise. Your body is gonna let you know if it's missing something.
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:26 PM   #8
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Is there something about being smaller that triggered your weight gain? Did you feel uncomfortable because of the new attention you were getting?

I hate to say this, but I would go and see a doctor because there might be something wrong (like cancer) that is making you want to binge. You should go and see a doctor anyway to make sure that your body is healthy because that's a lot of weight to gain in a short space of time, and I would hate to think that your cholesterol is dangerously high or that you are close to diabetes, or something.

With controlling your binges, I can only echo others that you have the ability to control your binges. Because it's constantly in your mind, putting up post-its or posters reminding you to eat healthier or a picture of what you looked like while thin may shock you back into eating healthier. When I was a teenager, I had a poster up that I read everyday which told me that I was beautiful and worth it and that worked for me.

Telling your family is the best first step! They need to know so that they can support you and help you overcome this. Moving past this binge is going to be extremely difficult for you at first, but remember how difficult it was when you first started losing all of the weight and that you accomplished your goal.
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Old 05-12-2013, 01:17 AM   #9
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There is a book that really helps tremendously called Brain over Binge. There was a thread on here about it I think.
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Old 05-12-2013, 08:57 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kscott View Post
In reality--everyone should be able to eat what they like. The problem is they're eating too much of it.

But the entire point to long term weight loss is eat less--move more. Note that there is no guideline for what you can or cannot eat in that statement--it's just eat less of it.

If you can control your mind--you can control your weight.[/i]
A lot of wisdom in your post, KScott!

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Old 05-12-2013, 09:03 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhiko View Post
I hate to say this, but I would go and see a doctor because there might be something wrong (like cancer) that is making you want to binge. You should go and see a doctor anyway to make sure that your body is healthy because that's a lot of weight to gain in a short space of time, and I would hate to think that your cholesterol is dangerously high or that you are close to diabetes, or something.
While it never hurts to see a doctor, I don't think there's a call for alarm at this point. I disagree that gaining 70 pounds in a few months suggests a medical problem. All you have to do is average about 4,000 cals per day, which is (pardon the pun) a piece of cake for some of us. Multiply the excess 2,000 cals/day by 121 days (4 months), divide by 3,500 (# of calories in a pound of fat), and you get 69 pounds.

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[Edited to correct figures]
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Old 05-14-2013, 05:42 PM   #12
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BadAngel,
There is no need to feel ashamed of what you are going through and you are NOT alone. The reason that I joined this site is because I was feeling powerless, especially because while I am not a weak or undisciplined person in other ways I have a HUGE weakness for food. I look forward to the next meal before I finish the first, eat when i'm not hungry and wonder why others don't appear to feel this way. For me, I have found that what works best in breaking this compulsive mind set (which in my opinion is the hardest part) is to completely cut out your trigger foods for a period of time. For me my personal vice is salty snacks (chips, popcorn, chex mix you name it) and though it has been a daily struggle I have had to completely banish these foods in order to break the mental habit because sometimes having one bite and then stopping is harder than not starting in the first place. The longer you go the less you think about it and slowly but surely you break the mental dependency on food for comfort or enjoyment. Also: (sorry to ramble) when I find myself at a time when i would normally snack (downtime when I get home from class or work etc.) instead of sitting down and snacking I call up a friend, or go for a walk, or do something productive (im learning arabic with rosetta stone!). DISTRACT YOURSELF. And remember: all is not lost because you ate a cookie. one day at a time-you are not alone! Best of luck friend

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Old 05-14-2013, 07:40 PM   #13
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well I think you've been given some good advice and options to try on this thread. They key I think is trying things until you find what works for you. Reading self help books can be helpful as well. Keep us posted and good luck .
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Old 05-15-2013, 10:58 PM   #14
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I have been where you are so many times. I have lost and regained over 100 lbs twice. Same pattern, restricting then binging.

I have gotten help for my disorder because I found myself repeating the same patterns a third time. Now I know the key is, like what many others here have said, moderation and intuitive eating. Binging and restricting dooms us to failure because we feel deprived. It is so much better to say "yes, I am going to have (enter favorite food here). I will have a normal size portion and enjoy it, and if I want more I can always have more tomorrow".

Is it easy to do this? No. In fact, I binged for the second time in 26 weeks last Thursday. But trying to stick with a three meal, two snack a day plan eating what I want in moderation and maintaining feels a lot better than the hunger pains that come from skipping meals or limiting calories too much, and it feels better than the day after a binge when I feel sick and guilty and uncomfortable from the water weight and 'food baby" protruding from my stomach.

If you can afford it or if you have insurance, I encourage you to look for a binge eating disorder program. One that treats the whole disorder - the binging, restricting, body image issues, meal planning, and both individual and group therapy. I was never a big therapy person but I have been helped tremendously by the program I attend.
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:19 AM   #15
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If you have binge eating disorder you would probably benefit from therapy from an eating disorder specialist (make sure they are an ED specialist). Your problem is probably not the food. I've been in your shoes. If you are concerned about the money then think of how much you spend on binge foods. Sorry to hear.
I know the feeling and it hurts me when people say that they feel shame....such a strong emotion. No shame on these boards.
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