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Old 05-08-2013, 11:51 PM   #1
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Question Introducing Myself

Hello everyone. I am not new to 3FC, but I am new to this forum. I am struggling with my weight and have since I was a teenager. Last year I lost 40 lbs after having my second son. I became obsessed and overly focused on it. Then my uncle died and my estranged father was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. He passed away in January. Just after his passing I started going to a center for eating disorders. I just recently decided to stop going. I would be there half the day every Tuesday and was paying so much for it. I felt like it wasn't really helping me because I was still so focused on losing weight. Now I don't know what to do. I want so desperately to be under 200 lbs. I am just overwhelmed with it all. The plan they gave me to follow has me eating six times a day. Everything I knew before that was dieting on weight watchers or low carb. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel overwhelmed with focusing on food. I wish I could just wake up and not feel like this anymore. Not constantly think about food. I want to go back to the way it was before I was so obsessed with eating. So, if any of you could please let me know what you are doing that is working, please let me know. I hope to be able to come here since I don't really feel like I can do much else. Thank you.
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:08 AM   #2
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Hey, Audrey, what's poppin'? Nice to meet you. I wish I had a lot of input on your situation but I don't seeing as I'm going through the same thing.
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Old 05-09-2013, 07:16 AM   #3
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Welcome Audrey...I'm sorry to hear about your recent struggles. I'm doing things the old fashioned way - counting calories and exercising. Counting calories is tricky and I have to be more dilegent in how I keep track and what I eat, but it personally seems to be working for me. I eat three meals a day (never ever skip breakfast) and try to eat at least two smaller snacks so I'm eating enough calories.

There are some great forums on here that go over different plans and there are "decades" threads where you can post with people who are around the same weight as you. Everyone is different in how they lose weight, you just have to find the plan that is right for you.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 05-09-2013, 08:39 AM   #4
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What kind of eating disorder are you struggling with? Is it just obsession or are you bingeing etc?
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Old 05-09-2013, 08:59 AM   #5
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I am struggling with binge eating disorder as well as anxiety driven OCD. I obsess about my weight and body. Although I am much more aware of my eating now, I will binge or graze all day long. I don't binge every day, maybe once a week. I over eat on a regular basis though.
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Old 05-09-2013, 09:00 AM   #6
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I agree that 3 fairly evenly balanced meals and 2-3 small snacks is a good place to start. It's what I did and continue to do in maintenance. While losing I ate about 450 cals every meal and 50 cals per snack. There were lots of exceptions, but that was the framework. Your plan needn't be complicated and you needn't be perfect -- just reasonably consistent. I didn't start exercising until maintenance, but I suggest you start now. It really helps keep your mind in gear.

The first few days are always the hardest. if you can get 3 "good" days behind you, your momentum will build naturally.

Good luck and keep us posted.

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Old 05-09-2013, 09:15 AM   #7
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Yeah. I was debating if I should a points plan or count calories. I have done both in the past. Last summer when I lost all my weight, it was a low carb/ calorie counting combination.
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Old 05-09-2013, 09:52 AM   #8
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yes, keep us posted. Honestly you sound quite similar to me with the binge eating and OCD thing. I think when it comes to OCD dieting can be especially all consuming and obsessive. I would find myself thinking about my calories and food choices over and over and over again in my head to the point where I was making all kinds of mistakes at work because I could not get food out of my head. I think it's quite difficult for someone with OCD to apply alot of dietary rules/restrictions without it taking over everything.

For me I had to hit rock bottom with the obsession before I was willing to change. Basically, the eating disorder has to be bad enough for someone to want to put a weight loss goal on the back burner while they try and get a handle on the problem. It's a really tough thing to do and I'm not sure if someone can force it. I had wanted to get a handle on my eating disorder for several years (like more than a decade) but I just couldn't give up the desire to be perfect. I would try to convince myself that getting over my eating disorder was my main priority, but I was not being truthful with myself (even I believed the lie). Only when I put that idea of perfection to the side was I able to make progress. It DOES NOT mean someone has to give up their goal forever; only that they should put it on hold in the sake of getting better. Getting better takes trial and error sometimes, and weight fluctuations can occur during this time. If an increase on the scale is too terrifying during this time, it is likely to drive someone back to their disorder out of fear.

When I first began my quest to solve my eating disorder I really wasn't sure where to start. For me all I knew is that the disorder popped up immediately after an intense period of dieting and losing weight (went from about 120 to about 100 very quickly). So as much as I didn't want to, I reluctantly decided I would try giving up my restrictions (which seemed counterintuitive because I was so out of control I felt it only made sense to apply more control) since it was that that preceded my problem. I wasn't exactly even sure how to go about doing that because I had been doing it for so long. But my first step was to stop all "diet activity" which included counting calories and weighing myself. I knew I could not immediately change my brain, but I could immediately change my actions. I also read many many books and the books that began to really ring true to me were Brain Over Binge and anything by Jack Trimpey (I actually had to read these same books about 3 times before it really clicked). I read many other books too and they all helped in some way.

Through my journey trying to recover I learned there is no big cure for everyone. I went my particular way (with success I feel as I can't see another binge on the horizon) but heard from many others who took a different approach and recovered as well. Also my thoughts and ideas changed dramitcally during the transition. I would believe intently on one idea, and then suddenly I would think the opposite. It was really a contradicting and emotionally charged experience with alot of setbacks and I almost gave up more than once. You can read through my journey on the "Anyone manage to quit dieting with positive results" thread, and read all the ideas from everyone else who participated. There were many different perspectives.

Obviously the title of my thread indicates the route I took was to stop dieting/diet mentality. I don't want to act like an evangelist and say that is the only way. It was my way, that's all I know. It has helped immensely just posting to this site. I guess it was a form a journaling where I was able to get my thoughts out, and more interactive than just writing in an actual journal. Having support is so important. I am not close with really anyone except for my sister and she is busy with a small child now and I can no longer count on her for those long phone conversations we used to have. I don't have any close friends anymore becasue I drove them all away due to isolating myself with my eating disorder. Social life and ED are not compatable. So this site has been great.

Maybe keep posting on this thread about your progress, or you can post on the thread I started too (although maybe not a great idea to post on the other one I started if you are not planning to give up restrictions since that thread is quite geared to that concept). But basically what I am saying is start something now; experiment; see how you feel and how it's going and make changes as needed. Everyone on this site can chime in and give you feedback should you encounter a roadblock.

Good Luck

P.S. What freelance has suggested with starting with meals is a good place to start for someone who feels lost. I don't know if you fit into the category of chronically fasting (I have a bulimic friend who wakes up every morning with the idea she will not eat a real meal and it sets her up for disaster every time), but having actual meals whether loosely planned or not can help with resetting your body's own hunger signals which you may or may not have lost for the time being.
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Old 05-09-2013, 11:43 AM   #9
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The OCD part of it is very overwhelming. I think about my weight and food constantly. It doesn't matter if I am dieting or not. I try so hard not to focus on losing weight, but know that I need to. I tried to make steps towards not caring anymore. I threw away my scale. That has just cause me to constantly wonder how much I weight right now. It is all so very frustrating. I think maybe I should just try and follow the nutrition plan I was given by the nutritionist and find clothes that make me feel good. Ignore the weight portion if possible. Basically their meal plan was to have a certain number of portions every meal every day with 3 snacks that are 200-300 calories in between meals. Basically I am supposed to eat every three hours. I think I will be more flexible with the snacks. There were definitely times I was eating just to eat, not because I am really hungry.

I can completely relate to a lot of what you were saying Veggiedaze. My only friends are family members. I avoid social situations because of my weight and have felt socially awkward my whole life! I have been trying to push myself to do more. I have started a small cupcake business to help my self esteem as well as making money watching my cousin's daughter 4 days a week. I am a stay at home mom, and not working and feeling like I wasn't contributing financially was really starting to ware on me. I also am buying new clothes. All my clothes from last summer are 1-2 sizes too small. I got rid of all my clothes because I swore I would never be a size 20 again. I was obviously wrong. Now I just need to find tops and bottoms that make me feel good in them. It bothers me more when I have clothes that don't fit or fit correctly than the sizes of the clothes themselves.
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2nd Mini Goal- 242 lbs
3rd Mini Goal- 232 lbs
Final Goal- 180 lbs
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Old 05-09-2013, 04:22 PM   #10
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Hi AudreyL! Probably being a stay at home mom contriubtes to yuur obsession, because you are the master of your time and you occupations. That is trickyk, esp. if you are around food --and cupcake baking won't help much here.
There is no foolproof thing to do, but first of all, I would not work with food... Have you thought about doing other things, like knitting or painting, decorating, sewing? That would keep your hands busy.
Something which helped me stop thinking of food all the time was reducing carbs for some days. Cravings subsided, and then I was ready to start a low cal diet, which I did with the aid of a web side which helps you balance your meals and gives you a lot of nutrition facts (caloriecount). My obssession was then directed to making my meals balanced, and not so much towards eating junk food.
And think about what you want to be, and what is stopping you. Come on, what is stopping you?
Keep posting, and let's keep chatting!
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Old 05-09-2013, 05:58 PM   #11
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Being a stay at home mom definitely makes things more challenging. It can be boring, stressful, and draining. There is also no way I would want anyone to take care of my children besides me. I plan to be completely involved in my children's lives and how they grow up. My parents weren't. My mom worked and when she was home she didn't want to be there. I won't give up making cupcakes. It is one of the few things that I do that I honestly can be super proud of and that I enjoy. I love coming up with new recipes and have people get excited because they like them so much. It is the only thing in a long time that is mine. I really love doing it. I want to be a healthy mom that can afford life insurance in case something happens to me. I want to have curves that make me feel sexy, not dumpy. I want to like myself. I know that I am what is stopping me. The way I grew up and the kind of parents I had contributed greatly towards how I am today. I never feel good enough or worth it. I constantly feel like a failure. I struggle with self confidence. It everything isn't perfect then everything feels out of control. It is part of my OCD, which is anxiety driven. I am working on that. I have meds to help me with it, plus I have really been trying to focus on my positives. I was doing really well until 80 degree weather came around and I couldn't fit into anything. I just need to try and refocus.
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2nd Mini Goal- 242 lbs
3rd Mini Goal- 232 lbs
Final Goal- 180 lbs
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Old 05-09-2013, 06:27 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AudreyL View Post
Hello everyone. I am not new to 3FC, but I am new to this forum. I am struggling with my weight and have since I was a teenager. Last year I lost 40 lbs after having my second son. I became obsessed and overly focused on it. Then my uncle died and my estranged father was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. He passed away in January. Just after his passing I started going to a center for eating disorders. I just recently decided to stop going. I would be there half the day every Tuesday and was paying so much for it. I felt like it wasn't really helping me because I was still so focused on losing weight. Now I don't know what to do. I want so desperately to be under 200 lbs. I am just overwhelmed with it all. The plan they gave me to follow has me eating six times a day. Everything I knew before that was dieting on weight watchers or low carb. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel overwhelmed with focusing on food. I wish I could just wake up and not feel like this anymore. Not constantly think about food. I want to go back to the way it was before I was so obsessed with eating. So, if any of you could please let me know what you are doing that is working, please let me know. I hope to be able to come here since I don't really feel like I can do much else. Thank you.
Sorry to hear about your uncle and father. My father died of esophageal cancer also, so sad and so fast.

I can tell you what has worked for me. I started with focusing on eating 1,800 calories a day to begin with. That's it. I didn't start with exercise, worrying about what I was eating, just focusing on the 1,800. It's enough that you won't be starving hungry and obsessed, and also low enough that you will see pounds drop off. You have to be really careful about calculating what you ate accurately though. And that's it! Then take it from there. My two cents!
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