[Garnet2727]

*hug* KKF. It's done then. Time to move on. *more hugs*

[veggiedaze]

kittykatfan - I know how you feel, we've all been there with falling off the wagon and having a tough time getting it together. Realize that alot of this is guilt and that you don't have to feel bad. You have done so well. You have learned so much. You have not forgotten and it wasn't a waste. You are just still traumatized by everything that has gone on. Do your best and remember it doesn't have to be one way or another. Maybe seeing your doctor will reset things for you. Maybe he can give you something to help witth the anxiety. Totally thinking of you. Just take some deep breaths.

[veggiedaze]

kittykatfan - i'm not sure why but my post showed up before your last when but I wrote it after. Hope you don't miss it. I am really thinking about you and I am sure you will come through this. Remember how amazing you are and don't forget it. You have inspired me so much on this forum.

[KittyKatFan]

When I screw up, I go whole hog -I have been binging for the past 2 1/2 days. I get weighed in at the doctor tomorrow and I already feel shame. Water weight and non-stop food, not to mention a week of no exercise, will easily bring me up 20 lbs.

And I don't feel like I can stop. I want another day of freedom from restraint, before I get back on plan.

I just feel so much fear with my medical situation right now that my only comfort is food. Even though it is the worst thing I could do for myself right now. I am so worried that I'm going to have to go back to the hospital because I'm feeling some of the same symptoms I felt before I had to go to the ER last week.

I have to get my head around this...

[Desiderata]

Kittykatfan -- how are you doing today? I don't really feel qualified to say the right thing, but I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best. I hope you can be gentle with yourself. Perfection doesn't exist. It is so very understandable to feel overwhelmed right now. Your mind is reaching out for self-soothing measures and going back to old habits. Know that however bad they might be for you, it's coming from a misguided place of good intention internally.

You learned so many good tools and techniques through your therapy and it's clear from your posts you're a smart, strong woman. Do the best that you can, and then forgive yourself.

Really hope today is a better day, and tomorrow better yet.

[KittyKatFan]

Originally Posted by Desiderata

Kittykatfan -- how are you doing today? I don't really feel qualified to say the right thing, but I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best. I hope you can be gentle with yourself. Perfection doesn't exist. It is so very understandable to feel overwhelmed right now. Your mind is reaching out for self-soothing measures and going back to old habits. Know that however bad they might be for you, it's coming from a misguided place of good intention internally.

You learned so many good tools and techniques through your therapy and it's clear from your posts you're a smart, strong woman. Do the best that you can, and then forgive yourself.

Really hope today is a better day, and tomorrow better yet.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Sadly, I couldn't keep from binging today. But I'm committed to getting through tomorrow binge-free and not looking back!

While I'm not exactly proud of myself right now, I take pride in the fact I went more than twice as long as I ever had before without binging. That is progress! And it gives me another record to break

Tomorrow will be better.

[5yearscancerfree]

WOW!
This is the first time I have realized that I am an "all or nothing" dieter. I either am doing great or bad and didn't realize that both attitudes are crazy. I really like the idea of visualization and deep breathing with a mantra. I will start recognizing progress as being better than when I started and will record progress (no matter how small) into my journal. Thank you! And KiityKatFan, I wish you all the best when you are released from the hospital. Just FYI, many hospitals have a follow up plan where you can ask to speak with a dietician or even a support group and in many cases, both are free services. I hope you get to feeling better!

[veggiedaze]

Hi kittykatfan - hope you are doing okay today and that you are putting the episode far behind you. You seem to have the right attitude in your last post. Just so you know, I don't think you need anything, I think you have it pretty figured out and are headed in the right direction. I can see you've got it right. I am just trying to follow in your footsteps.

[KittyKatFan]

I'm slowly starting to get back on track. I am finishing up Day 2 binge free. A far cry from 139 days, my record, but ya gotta start somewhere...

I find it incredibly hard to get back on plan in the middle of the week. I usually say "to h*ll with it...I'm going to binge all weekend then be good on Monday." So I don't think I have gone about things the same way as I normally do.

For example, rather than trying to work out extra hard and reduce my caloric intake, my primary goal has simply been to stay within my meal plan (3 meals, 2 snacks). I probably ate a bit more than I "should" at each meal, but I didn't eat outside of planned meal and snack times.

What has been strange and particularly difficult has been my hunger. Real, physical hunger, not emotional hunger, although I have been experiencing that too. Even though I have eaten more than I typically do when in normal eating mode pre-binge, I am so hungry! My stomach is growling. It could be my body playing tricks with me, since it was getting overloaded with food and is now back to normal portions. Or maybe it is because my body is still recovering and actually needs more calories.

I was planning to start my exercise routine again on Monday, then I thought, why not start tomorrow? If I can end a binge mid-week, why not start exercising mid-week (maybe because I don't want to shave my legs tonight? ). But I do think a bit of exercise would get me back into my old self faster. And I need it; the added binge weight is causing me to feel so sluggish, and the water weight is literally causing cramps in my calf muscles!

Here's to staying binge-free tomorrow...one day at a time