[veggiedaze]

Yes, we all have things we don't like about our bodies and most people (myself included) focus on what's wrong and not on what's right. I like krampus tend to accumulate fat in my stomach, and the rest of my body stays very lean. I always admired my mothers toned midsection (perfect abs) but her weight settles in her legs and butt (if she ever gains any). Supposedly stomach fat is much easier to lose than leg fat which I agree with. People who have thicker legs/but seem to have a tougher time losing; BUT abdominal fat is more dangerous and puts people at a higher risk for heart disease. I guess it's a trade off.

[veggiedaze]

I'm still doing better than ever with my non dieting. It is becoming effortless now. I am almost having zero urges now. Those brain connections do weaken when you don't act on the binges. Total brain over binge. Back in this thread a ways I declared that I didn't think there was a need to expose myself inentionally to triggers. I disagree with that now. I am literally forcing triggers upon myself every day and ignoring any urge. I can see it's the only way to make triggers not triggers by refusing the brain the reward. I am like pavlovs dogs now and am becoming de-conditioned (if there is such a word) to my previously condtioned brain stimulus. It's the only way. Abstinence and avoidance keeps things as triggers. But of course this is just my opinion and not fact. I am also exercising daily now for simple enjoyment and any bloated puffy feelng I had is gone. Honestly, I know I will never go back to how I was before. I know this now. I've thought this before at times but with a tiny skeptical voice in the back of my mind. It's different now though. That voice is gone.

[CurvyReadhead]

Originally Posted by magical

Not sure whether anyone here watches Supersize vs Superskinny? I have always seen the superskinny girls as having the ideal body shapes when they first appear on the show and they lost that "perfect" shape after being told to put on weight. Who am I kidding? I still do, huh.

They lost their perfect shape? That's just ridiculous! a lot of these people were seriously underweight and gained some weight in order to get to a 'healthier' weight. Although eating the diet of fat person is probably not the best way, the whole show is kinda informing in my opinion. We can, in fact, learn from each other.

Originally Posted by veggiedaze

I'm still doing better than ever with my non dieting. It is becoming effortless now. I am almost having zero urges now. Those brain connections do weaken when you don't act on the binges. Total brain over binge. Back in this thread a ways I declared that I didn't think there was a need to expose myself inentionally to triggers. I disagree with that now. I am literally forcing triggers upon myself every day and ignoring any urge. I can see it's the only way to make triggers not triggers by refusing the brain the reward. I am like pavlovs dogs now and am becoming de-conditioned (if there is such a word) to my previously condtioned brain stimulus. It's the only way. Abstinence and avoidance keeps things as triggers. But of course this is just my opinion and not fact. I am also exercising daily now for simple enjoyment and any bloated puffy feelng I had is gone. Honestly, I know I will never go back to how I was before. I know this now. I've thought this before at times but with a tiny skeptical voice in the back of my mind. It's different now though. That voice is gone.

I hope to get to the point where you are. Still, a lot of time, i just eat my chocoloate/candy because it is there! It is weird. For me, the large quantities of stuff at home triggers a thought of "I am eating a tiny amount f what's there and that#s ok" whereas if i had no candy at home, i wouldn't go out and buy stuff. Anyone got an idea how to curb this? On the other hand, i am having a huge box of mini chocolates under my desk for months now and it's been like 'out of sight, out of mind'. today, i kinda rediscovered it and at one. then another one. then i thought 'why am i doing this. f** you brain, and stopped". i was content with myself because normally, i would eat a lot more of those mini chocolate thingies. i guess this is progress.

[bingefree2013]

Originally Posted by veggiedaze

You are one tough cookie

What can I say? I think when it comes to EDs, addictions, or any bad behavior that one wants or needs to quit, coddling does not work. Rationalization does not work. Telling someone they are doing great when they are clearly circling the drain does not work. Most people would probably do better if they were told point blank to, "knock that ish off!"

It seems simplistic, but sometimes a simple, "just stop doing it," is the best advice.

[freelancemomma]

Originally Posted by veggiedaze

IHonestly, I know I will never go back to how I was before. I know this now. I've thought this before at times but with a tiny skeptical voice in the back of my mind. It's different now though. That voice is gone.

It sounds like you're learning a lot about yourself on this journey, Veggiedaze. At the same time, I sometimes get the sense that you sound almost TOO optimistic in some of your posts. Perhaps that's one aspect of the OCD -- you want to have this beast PERFECTLY conquered, just like you've wanted to eat PERFECTLY clean in the past.

I'm no expert, but I do wonder whether it may be more productive (and realistic) to embrace imperfection in your relationship with food. Just as a recovered alcoholic can never take sobriety for granted, I believe we food types can't take our abstinence (whether that means no restricting, no trigger foods, or whatever we've chosen to abstain from) for granted.

Insisting that you solve your food issues once and for all could set you up for a big fall, if ever you slip (which all of us do). What I'm suggesting is that you don't need to solve this as you would a Rubik's cube. You just need to take it a day at a time and celebrate the learning process.

JMHO Freelance

[Charin]

Freelancemomma I like how you framed it in your last post. I've learned through this relapse that my relationship with food is imperfect at best and I can't take anything for granted and I have to work at it every day. And I may fall again and that's ok as long as I don't bear myself up and get back up. The difference this time around is that I am surrounded by a strong community off line (at the gym and at work) who share the love of working out and value healthy eating) as well as this forum online where I can lurk or post as needed. What I am proud of is that I managed to stop this relapse at an extremely manageable point of 5-7 pounds while in the past I would have regained all... I did feel optimistic at the beginning, like nothing would ever change and that I was now 100% in control...ah well life threw me a curveball

[inglesita64]

In my experience, the "wiring" that made us eat in a disordered way --to put it mildly-- will always be there. We may be in charge of the controls, or the controls may be in charge of us. That will depend on lots of things which are external and internal to us. I think the best thing we can do is learn how to avoid losing control, and if we ever do --we will--, how to to get back in control asap. Of course we are never the same after "an episode", but we are never the same after anything important anyway. If we are aware that we are weak and vulnerable and that we have to look after ourselves not to hurt ouselves, we'll be fine... Not perfect, but healthier.

[veggiedaze]

Originally Posted by bingefree2013

What can I say? I think when it comes to EDs, addictions, or any bad behavior that one wants or needs to quit, coddling does not work. Rationalization does not work. Telling someone they are doing great when they are clearly circling the drain does not work. Most people would probably do better if they were told point blank to, "knock that ish off!"

It seems simplistic, but sometimes a simple, "just stop doing it," is the best advice.

I know what you mean. I think I've had to apply a little tough love to myself also.

[veggiedaze]

Originally Posted by freelancemomma

It sounds like you're learning a lot about yourself on this journey, Veggiedaze. At the same time, I sometimes get the sense that you sound almost TOO optimistic in some of your posts. Perhaps that's one aspect of the OCD -- you want to have this beast PERFECTLY conquered, just like you've wanted to eat PERFECTLY clean in the past.

I'm no expert, but I do wonder whether it may be more productive (and realistic) to embrace imperfection in your relationship with food. Just as a recovered alcoholic can never take sobriety for granted, I believe we food types can't take our abstinence (whether that means no restricting, no trigger foods, or whatever we've chosen to abstain from) for granted.

Insisting that you solve your food issues once and for all could set you up for a big fall, if ever you slip (which all of us do). What I'm suggesting is that you don't need to solve this as you would a Rubik's cube. You just need to take it a day at a time and celebrate the learning process.

JMHO Freelance

I know what you mean freelance, and I really appreciate this advice due to my obvious OCD tendancies. One thing I should say though is that I don't think my optimism is that I think I've conquered anything. I think my optimism and positive outlook is that I finally think I know exactly why I have been doing what I have been doing. All these things I have considered, food addicition, emotion etc. It's all valid stuff, but the bottom line is that I have a conditioned brain connection that was brought on by starving and now persists due to habbit and the brain reward it gives me. Knowing this seems to take the personalization and self blame out of the equation for me which is why I feel so elated. I do realize I could slip and/or relapse at some point (especially if I were to restrict again), but I also feel that now it would be similar to if I slipped and decided to have a cigarette and then maybe buy a pack. I think most people in that situation would say "oh no, looks like I got hooked again" and then they would proceed in quitting if they wanted to quit again. That would be the approach I would take if I binged again. I don't think I'd get emotional about it and cry and say "why me, what's wrong with me!!!! with tonnes of emotion". Because I know what's wrong with me now and I know it's not my fault. I also know I am normal (whereas before I felt like some kind of freak) and have conditioned my brain to do this behaviour; and on top of everything I know it's my choice. Just like you so wonderfully brought to my attention before, if someone were to walk in on me going nuts on food in the lunchroom at work, I would stop. I can CHOOSE, just like smoking. I don't like the idea of "one day at a time mentality" because it seems like it gives me the idea that every day has to involve longing and torture for the habbit and that it has to be difficult. I also think when a person expects themselves to relapse they will. I think it gives themselves permission if things get "really bad". I think this happens becuase like all "addictions" the act of doing the behaviour provides pleasure; a pleasure we don't like to think we will never have again. I think it's best just not to think about it. I don't like wondering if I'll ever ever in my life ever enjoy a cigarette again. When I think I will enjoy this sometime in the future it seems to give me permission at some point. When I think "never", it upsets me. With cigarettes, I just don't think about it either way. So in that respect, of course I will never say never with bingeing; but I will also not say "probably at some point". Both ways set me up for disaster.

Also, I don't think it's unreasonable to think it's possible to stop bingeing for a great length of time. It's been 5 years since my sister has binged. I've heard of people on this site and other testimonials from people who have gone several years and counting without bingeing. I guess I just don't like what Trimpey refers to as "recoveryism" where you live out your days as a caged animal forever in the shadows of the binge.

I think the biggest thing that has changed for me is my perception of everything. I used to be tortured by urges and the anticipation of urges. I don't know why but I felt like an urge was so dangerous and meant I had to act on it and that there was something wrong with my brain because I experienced it. Now I think urges are no big deal and are expected due to my previous conditioning. I know I do not HAVE TO act on urges. I CAN act on an urge of course, but I don't have to. And maybe I will act on an urge at some point. But the urges are not a scary monster anymore where there is emotion attached.

It used to be all or nothing for me. I used to eat perfectly or binge. I am not eating perfectly now. I sabatage any day that seems too perfect. I can see perfect doesn't work. I won't expect that of myself anymore. I can find happiness in something else I hope. I guess that is my new search. I have alot of empty space in my thinking now that I am not thinking about food.

[inglesita64]

Originally Posted by veggiedaze

It used to be all or nothing for me. I used to eat perfectly or binge. I am not eating perfectly now. I sabatage any day that seems too perfect. I can see perfect doesn't work. I won't expect that of myself anymore. I can find happiness in something else I hope. I guess that is my new search. I have alot of empty space in my thinking now that I am not thinking about food.

This is great! It is far better to have a sweet a day than to have a bag in one go and then starve oneself! Well done!

[Xena2013]

Hi guys I hope you are all doing okay, I was really busy lately buying a house :-)

I was doing really good for 3, almost 4, weeks and binged yesterday. The reason being is that my inlaws are back in town. It gives me social anxiety to meet my husbands family...

His mother is really into being slim (not dieting so much, but just eating little portions). Her and her husband always notice when somebody has a second helping and sometimes even comment on it afterwards (i.e. they let me know that my parents must have loved the food since they both had two portions of meat...). I donīt like going out to dinner with them for that reason and I skipped eating at their house (I always say I rather eat a warm lunch and not like to eat that late).

But just going there stresses me out. She always comments things like "oh Xena eats everything, you are so easy - my other kids are so picky eaters" and it makes me feel horrible. She also comments when I lose weight (not when I gain, but I feel that she notices it). Her daughter lost a good amount of weight lately and I know she will bring it up. So here I am - the only overweight person in the family.

I am p... at myself that I binged, I felt great until I got the invitation for today. I know I shouldn`t care but knowing people notice how much/what you eat makes me very uncomfortable.

[Xena2013]

Originally Posted by freelancemomma

It sounds like you're learning a lot about yourself on this journey, Veggiedaze. At the same time, I sometimes get the sense that you sound almost TOO optimistic in some of your posts. Perhaps that's one aspect of the OCD -- you want to have this beast PERFECTLY conquered, just like you've wanted to eat PERFECTLY clean in the past.

I'm no expert, but I do wonder whether it may be more productive (and realistic) to embrace imperfection in your relationship with food. Just as a recovered alcoholic can never take sobriety for granted, I believe we food types can't take our abstinence (whether that means no restricting, no trigger foods, or whatever we've chosen to abstain from) for granted.

Insisting that you solve your food issues once and for all could set you up for a big fall, if ever you slip (which all of us do). What I'm suggesting is that you don't need to solve this as you would a Rubik's cube. You just need to take it a day at a time and celebrate the learning process.

JMHO Freelance

I like this Freelance - I am that person you describe. I feel that I have things figured out (because they may work for now and make me feel better) and then after a couple weeks or months and even years (I was binge free for 1 year) the beast strikes back..

[veggiedaze]

Xena - Congratualations on buying the new house and sorry your inlaws are so observant of your eating habbits. If I was in that situation I am sure the urges would be alot due to anxiety and may send me over the edge to binge. We are only human. Maybe though, knowing your reaction to them, you may be able to avoid bingeing next time.

[veggiedaze]

Originally Posted by CurvyReadhead

I hope to get to the point where you are. Still, a lot of time, i just eat my chocoloate/candy because it is there! It is weird. For me, the large quantities of stuff at home triggers a thought of "I am eating a tiny amount f what's there and that#s ok" whereas if i had no candy at home, i wouldn't go out and buy stuff. Anyone got an idea how to curb this? On the other hand, i am having a huge box of mini chocolates under my desk for months now and it's been like 'out of sight, out of mind'. today, i kinda rediscovered it and at one. then another one. then i thought 'why am i doing this. f** you brain, and stopped". i was content with myself because normally, i would eat a lot more of those mini chocolate thingies. i guess this is progress.

I'm not really too sure how to curb that. I have a few items in my house because I've been trying to introduce stuff, but I don't know if I'll keep those things around long term. I just don't like the power of suggestion. Well done with the mini chocolates. I laughed when I saw you used my same brain scolding idea . As far as "getting to the point where I am", I don't think I am at such a different point as much as I am just looking at the point from a new perspective.

[Xena2013]

Thanks so much veggiedaze, it is funny cuz the binge wasnīt "relieving". You know when you go shopping for binge foods and canīt wait to stuff your face. This time was different. I had the stuff at home, but I worked on a paper for college first, cleaned the apartment and kinda waited to binge. I knew I donīt "NEED" to binge, I just knew that I wanted to, but wanted to not binge all day long as I used to.

While I ate I didnīt get to the point of satisfaction where I felt that it helps in any way. I ate and thought "this is useless".

I just hate when my weight is in the focus. I feel like I donīt even want to lose weight because I know they will give me compliments and that usually makes me feel like "thank god you lost weight, you were so big before".

As you can see I am very sensitive when it comes to my weight and the way I eat.