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-   -   It's been almost a year, because I've been bingeing (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/chicks-control/277117-its-been-almost-year-because-ive-been-bingeing.html)

Txalupa 03-06-2013 08:59 PM

It's been almost a year, because I've been bingeing
 
Hi ladies, I used to post a lot on 3FC for several years while I was very successful in restricting sugar.

I lost about 40 lbs and looked and felt great. However, giving up sugar for my whole life scared me so badly. That has had a profound rubberband snap back effect on my relationship with food. I have been binge eating on and off for almost a year and need some support.

I am terrified to ban foods from my diet, but also terrified to face donuts and pizza without smuggling them away to eat in private. I'm scared I will never feel normal about food. That I will never just eat one cookie for desert or not stuff my face with snacks before a date.

Thanks for reading. I'm back and am reading the threads about binge-eating and trying to feel less alone.

danzingurl77 03-07-2013 12:02 AM

Don't feel alone!! There are lots of us around here. I feel the same way- I may NEVER have a "normal" relationship with food, and sometimes it is scary and depressing- but maybe we will- with the right mindset and support- one day be able to indulge a little but sometimes.

You are not alone in this at all- and we're all here to support you when you need it! Good luck and welcome back :)

Wannabeskinny 03-07-2013 07:14 AM

I know how you feel. Learning to deal with food issues is so daunting. Restrictive eating causes weight loss, but it also causes bingeing! I never just feel normal. What's even worse is that as I get older I make more and more good choices like daily salads, fresh fruits and vegetables, quitting artificial sweeteners, quitting soda, giving up processed foods, and giving up sugar. The problem is.... I'm still not losing weight. It's like no matter how good I am I'll over eat a salad with too much avocado in it. I can never ever ever win and I can never be satisfied. It's torture.

Txalupa 03-07-2013 09:50 PM

Thanks for the support, ladies. I guess the best way to get through it is to have the support of others. I just really want to get to a place where I'm not "white knuckling" it not to shove a muffin in my face when I go into the kitchen at work.

JenMusic 03-08-2013 12:07 PM

Hey! I remember seeing you around the boards in the past. You're definitely not alone in your struggles with binging. Those are the 10 pounds that I'm trying to lose.

There are a few threads around - including on over on the Maintainers board - about a book called "Brain Over Binge." This isn't really a recommendation, because some people really don't like the author's approach, but it might be a book to look into.

Good luck!

ArtyKay 03-08-2013 12:36 PM

You're definitely not alone. I'm back after about a year and a LOT of weight gain.

It's so freaking hard to get back on the wagon when you've fallen off. It is possible though, even when it doesn't seem like it. :)

krampus 03-08-2013 02:31 PM

Hi Txalupa -

Glad to see you around. Less glad to hear you've been struggling with binge eating.

I haven't binged since 2011. Since then it's been nothing but MODERATION and being afraid to "buckle down" or "get strict" in case I fall back into binge-restrict.

I'm also the lightest and fittest I've ever been...might be something to try. Obviously one method doesn't work for EVERYONE.

KittyKatFan 03-08-2013 09:44 PM

I can totally identify. While some people seem to find that cutting out sugar, refined carbs, etc. makes them not crave those foods anymore, it just made me literally obsess over them. I felt so deprived.

I always felt like my eating habits were abnormal. Even though I am doing better on the binging side of things (fingers crossed), I don't have a normal relationship with food. I don't think I'm in danger of downing a dozen donuts like I had in the past, but eating smaller portions and stopping when full still doesn't feel natural to me.

But I will get there someday. So can you. Don't give up.

searchingforbalance 03-31-2013 04:45 PM

I agree completely with krampus! When I first started losing weight, I just slowly started transitioning to healthier foods, not cutting out any foods completely. I am still taking that approach although I've cut back on sweets and bread much more than when I began.

I totally understand your abnormal relationship with food and your fears. Personally, though, I couldn't be successful if I completely eliminated sugar or bread or anything. Knowing that eating chocolate is OK in moderation is what gets me through other temptations and knowing that I will have chocolate in the near future is what keeps me from eating 5 lbs of it when I do have some.

Although this may sound crazy, I eat a mini 3 muskateers bar (about 25 calories) every day. It's my small treat and I never feel deprived. A similar approach may work for you to start to learn moderation. For me, it has been easier to gain that control on sweets because I know that there will always be more chocolate tomorrow.

SouthernMaven 03-31-2013 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny (Post 4658337)
Restrictive eating causes weight loss, but it also causes bingeing!

Truer words were never spoken.

This is the way it is, the way it always has been, and the way it will continue to be.

lin43 03-31-2013 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Txalupa (Post 4658030)
I am terrified to ban foods from my diet, but also terrified to face donuts and pizza without smuggling them away to eat in private. I'm scared I will never feel normal about food. That I will never just eat one cookie for desert or not stuff my face with snacks before a date

You are not alone! Although I don't believe I'm a binge eater (I am a disordered eater), this part of your post struck a chord in me, especially "I'm scared I will never feel normal about food." I read posts from people who are successfully doing intuitive eating, and it seems like a foreign world to me. I find it almost impossible to believe that I would one day have "two bites of cheesecake and not want any more." I've tried that approach many times in the past and it has NEVER worked. I keep making promises to myself that I keep breaking, so I'm starting to lose trust in myself around food (again--this has happened before). I understand what "moderation" looks like, but knowing isn't the same as applying. How does one achieve moderation consistently? Where do the cravings go? (Those who have achieved this---e.g., krampus and others---feel free to offer some insight. How did you do it?) And no, promising myself a bit of chocolate or a small treat each day just won't cut it for me (btw, not knocking anyone for whom this works; I wish it would work for me). I like that taste of that chocolate or that cake or that cookie and I WANT MORE (no--not as in 5 dozen, but half a dozen would be easy for me).

The mindset I'm trying to embrace right now is that I will not give up doughnuts, cake, etc. forever, but there may be periods of time when I just cannot eat them or have them around. For instance, I just threw out two half jars of Trader Joe's organic peanut and TJ's cocoa almond butter. In the past, I've at least been able to have the pb in my house and be okay with it, but I just cannot right now. For right now, until I gain control of my eating, I'm going to have to clear my house of foods like that. So maybe that is something you could try, i.e., telling yourself that you won't give it up forever but you may need to give it up temporarily.

PaintedPonies 03-31-2013 07:40 PM

Welcome back!

I've found so much support since getting here. it gives me so much that my relationships with food sill be something other than binging and starving myself, that I can become intuitive. it takes a lot of will power, but overcoming this problem is something we are all capable of :)

Wannabeskinny 04-01-2013 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lin43 (Post 4688855)
You are not alone! Although I don't believe I'm a binge eater (I am a disordered eater), this part of your post struck a chord in me, especially "I'm scared I will never feel normal about food." I read posts from people who are successfully doing intuitive eating, and it seems like a foreign world to me. I find it almost impossible to believe that I would one day have "two bites of cheesecake and not want any more." I've tried that approach many times in the past and it has NEVER worked. I keep making promises to myself that I keep breaking, so I'm starting to lose trust in myself around food (again--this has happened before). I understand what "moderation" looks like, but knowing isn't the same as applying. How does one achieve moderation consistently? Where do the cravings go? (Those who have achieved this---e.g., krampus and others---feel free to offer some insight. How did you do it?) And no, promising myself a bit of chocolate or a small treat each day just won't cut it for me (btw, not knocking anyone for whom this works; I wish it would work for me). I like that taste of that chocolate or that cake or that cookie and I WANT MORE (no--not as in 5 dozen, but half a dozen would be easy for me).

The mindset I'm trying to embrace right now is that I will not give up doughnuts, cake, etc. forever, but there may be periods of time when I just cannot eat them or have them around. For instance, I just threw out two half jars of Trader Joe's organic peanut and TJ's cocoa almond butter. In the past, I've at least been able to have the pb in my house and be okay with it, but I just cannot right now. For right now, until I gain control of my eating, I'm going to have to clear my house of foods like that. So maybe that is something you could try, i.e., telling yourself that you won't give it up forever but you may need to give it up temporarily.

Your post resonates with me. I used to be a binger because it fulfilled me in some way. Now I don't need to binge any more but I am left with this horrible habit and disordered eating which I believe is very closely associated with the chemistry of the food I am eating. For example I think I'm addicted to carbs, and eating processed foods alters my sanity. I just started a thread on Chicks in Control called Trigger Eater or something like that, I'd appreciate if you checked it out and shared your thoughts on it.

Having a normal relationship with food is my ultimate goal. Once I feel normally towards food I think my health, my weight, and my sanity will fall into place. I long to be one of those people who forgot to eat lunch lol.

Ferny1730 04-02-2013 02:03 PM

I am really glad that I found this post.

I am trying to understand why, in seven weeks off counting WW points, I went from pretty healthy eating with a moderate amount of chocolate everyday to eating half a bag of chocolate, a full plate of cookies, eating McDonald's twice in the same day, etc.

When I was doing well, I was really happy, didn't feel deprived and felt good about myself and my body. I wasn't losing weight at a crazy rate either-- about 1/2 a pound a week.

Then something happened and I just decided to give up while my work took up a lot of time.

If I had to do it again, I would just plan to have canned soups and frozen lunches. Even though I don't like those for most of the time, as I try to eat "clean," I think they would have helped to keep me from going nutzo from noon to four everyday at work.

If/When this happens again, I also want to keep posting on here. I usually only post and read when I am feeling inspired, but I think I could post to remind myself that my choice to eat healthy is a permanent life-style change, not a diet that is going to be on and off for the rest of my life.

I don't think that I will ever have a "normal" relationship with food either. I know I will have another break where I lose control of my relationship with sweets. Next time, I want to have a plan ahead of time to make sure that I can lose control in a more controlled way, if that makes sense.

kassi14 04-02-2013 03:36 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I've maintained the same 5 pounds since December. I could have been at my goal weight a LONG time ago if I didn't binge all the time. I started trying to lose weight in June. It's horrible but I never seem to stay on track. The lowest weight I have gotten to so far was 137 but now because of Easter I'm probably 143. Ugh.


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