[shishkeberry]

Posting on my phone late at night so I apologize if this is crazy/illegible.
.
I can't really deny it any more. I think I am bulimic. I mean, throwing up at least once daily after a binge can't really be considered anything else, right? it started out slowly. I'd purge after a binge because I was sooo uncomfortably full that I just wanted to feel comfortable. maybe once a week. but then I started doing it daily. and it's getting easier to justify a binge because hey, I'll just puke it up, right? and lucky me (not) I'm one of those people that can force food up with stomach contractions so I don't even have to try very hard. I know this is a problem and I know I should just stop. my husband has his suspicions but I don't think he realizes how bad it is. I don't know what to do. I'm not ready to go back to therapy. I have zero energy to do anything. I'm on Zoloft which is helping a ton with my moods and emotions, but has done nothing to counter my lethargy. I wish it was still 2011. I was doing so well that year. and then I quit smoking and all I can do is stay afloat. I want to lose weight again but there's a huge hole where cigarettes used to go. I fill it with food now.

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this sucks

[modifyeddoll87]

i cant relate but i just wanted to say admitting the problem is the first step to recovery , it took alot of courage to admit this im sure , I think talking to a trusted in person confidant for an intervention or some one on one personal attention is the way to go


feel better soon

[bethFromDayton]

I agree wthat the first step is acknowledging a problem--and you've done that, even though it's very hard.

I think you should reconsider not wanting to go back to therapy--it's probably what you need most right now. Therapy is NOT failure--it is an acknowledgement that you need some help with what's going on in your life right now. We don't hesitate to see the dr when we have a sinus infection, or the mechanic when the check engine light comes on, or the plumber when the toilet overflows. You've got some emotional issues overflowing--and a professional can help you work through them.

Can you bring yourself to tell your husband what is going on? He can't support you and help you if he doesn't know.

I wish you the best of luck.

[alizarin]

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this

Yes, it's bulimia. And even if it wouldn't meet the diagnostic guidelines of purging at least twice a week - it's horrible. It's not good for you. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this.

I'm bulimic too, have been on and off for almost eight years. Don't let it go so far. Get help early on. The more often you do it, the harder it will be to break the habit.

Try not to justify binges before you do them - a lot of calories will still stay in; it's horrible for your teeth and skin, your mood, your self-esteem. You say that you're married. Do you want to have children, or already do? Do you want your little daughters who might be there a couple years down the road to emulate their Mom's disordered eating behavior? Do you want to struggle with subfertility issues due to bulimia? Also, consider the amount of money you're wasting on food that gets thrown up. It's quite an expensive "hobby" to have. There are so many reasons why this behavior is bad for you. I know that doesn't make it easy to just stop - I would've done so a long time ago if it was easy. But, and here's the thing: you might want to make a very extensive list of reasons why you specifically don't want to binge and purge. Perhaps one just with reasons not to binge, one with reasons not to purge, if that feels more "right" to you.

I would recommend talking to a Cognitive Behavioral therapist ASAP. Don't delay it. I hope you'll get better soon

[fadedbluejeans]

If you are feeling lethargic on Zoloft, perhaps you could talk to your doctor about switching to a different medication.
If you're not ready for therapy [understandable - it's a huge mental strain], at least confide in your husband, that may be all you need to start turning things around.

[Selina Kyle]

Originally Posted by bethFromDayton

Therapy is NOT failure--it is an acknowledgement that you need some help with what's going on in your life right now. We don't hesitate to see the dr when we have a sinus infection, or the mechanic when the check engine light comes on, or the plumber when the toilet overflows. You've got some emotional issues overflowing--and a professional can help you work through them.

Couldn't have said it better. Getting help with all the emotional issues will help you work through and overcome the ED behavior. I also think it'd be a good idea to tell hubby - sometimes we try to be too strong for too long, but our loved ones are a wonderful source of support for us - if we let them be.

Sending you positive, healing thoughts, shishkeberry.