Last time I was here, maybe 2 years ago, I had lost about 55 pounds and felt amazing. I posted a "motivational" picture/post to myself about how I felt my control was slipping, and I was NOT going to let it happen. Guess what, not only did it happen, I am now almost 40 pounds heavier than my original SW, and the heaviest I have ever been. I could say it was because I started a long-term relationship, or that I couldn't afford to go to the gym or healthy food, or that I was busy and lacked energy. While those things are true, they are absolutely no longer excuses.
I am now in my first year of teaching, and I have high blood pressure (again), tension headaches, horrible pain problems, and anxiety for the first time in my life. Did I mention I am 25? This is absolutely ridiculous.
Ultimately, I really need to start focusing on myself. I take care of my boyfriend, and his daughter, and my students, and my friends, and complete strangers, but I feel nothing but GUILT if I do anything for myself. My loss of control has convinced me that I don't deserve anything worth having.
Anyway, if you're still reading, thank you. I am so overwhelmed that I don't know what to do anymore. My original weight loss was thanks to the Fat Smash Diet, which I loved, but when I attempted it again recently my boyfriend hated it and I quit after 2 days. I had no support and really we can't afford two sets of groceries. More excuses? Maybe. I always said I would lose the weight myself, without surgery. Then my mom got the surgery and the pressure mounted there too.
Sorry for the ramble. I just don't know what to do to fix my life. I love my job and feel really lucky, but I wish I could just focus on myself....