I'm really amazed reading all the posts here from people who sound like they're struggling with binge eating the same as myself!
For a long time, several years, I genuinely thought I was the only one in the world who had this habit/obsession/disorder/whatever. I later learned that it wasn't unheard of, but I still never realized exactly how common it could be. I also never knew that there could possibly be other regular, normal people whose binges were as big as mine, or as frequent, or trapped in the same cycle. Or that others could be thinking and feeling such the exact same thoughts and feelings as me...
I feel like it's actually taking a little bit of power out of the binge eating. Because it used to be that binging was kind of something that defined me and made me "special." "Surely, no one else in the world can eat that much at one time-- and keep doing it and even enjoy it!"
But now, when I think, no, wait, there are others, it takes some of the novelty out of it, you know? It also gives me a little more hope for myself, since, because other people are affected as well, it must not just be a problem with me, but there must be external factors that others are also experiencing that's helping cause this behavior.
Anyway, I'm just hopeful these revelations might lead to some kind of a shift. Anyone else experience something similar? When did you realize you weren't the only one binge eating?
When I saw other fat people, I knew the had an issue with food. I guess for me it was a relief to see that people who don't have obvious weight problems (obese) binge too. I had this thought that thinner people don't have an obsession with food (unless they had an ED). I know now that's not true but for a long time it was hard to "trust" a thin person with my fat feelings. I would "closet" eat but my body showed it and then I would hear someone say "Oh, I ate too much! I ate this and that and this..." but their body didn't neccesarily show it. So I was always kind of conflicted. But coming to 3FC really opened my eyes to various people's situations.
Last edited by RoyalAthena; 10-14-2012 at 12:25 PM.
I'm just coming to terms with being one! I went off diet for a week to reset my system after a plateau and to allow for some travel, and I caught myself one day eating an entire pot (Dutch oven!) of macaroni salad. I've been off carbs and calorie restricted long enough that it made me really ill, but I realized how often i used to do it. I struggled for a long time because I felt like it undermined some of the valid medical reasons for my weight gain, and that I was the stereotype, out of control fat chick.
Reading here gives me hope, because I know it means its an issue for more than just me
I never really knew or understood the processes that went through my head when I went into "Zombie Mode," and afterward I would feel really guilty and ashamed of myself for losing control.
Now I understand that my out-of-control eating is a compulsive behavior. I wouldn't want to do it, didn't know why I was doing it, but didn't feel at peace until I did it. NOT binging was more difficult than just binging and getting it over with. If I didn't overeat, I would have to fight it all day (or as long as the opportunity was available).
I would even feel a panic when I would know I was going to be in an opportunity where junk/large quantities were available (going home to peanut butter, treat day at work, going to my parent's for dinner, going out to eat), because I wouldn't trust myself. The anxiety would be magnified when other people would be around who wouldn't eat as much as me.
The stress wasn't as bad heading over to my parents, because there are a few big eaters in my family, but around friends or strangers I would feel stressed out.
Royal Athena - I like what you said about how skinny people can also know what it is like to be fat. I just watched this one on one interview between Kathy Griffin and Rosy O'Donnell and Kathy admitted to being a total binge eater even though she is so skinny. She said that she loves food and will occasionally enjoy binging but the next day work out and eat very little. I was shocked, but then I started thinking about the times I have talked about overeating while in the company of heavier friends. They humor me but I get the feeling that they don't take me seriously when I say I understand what they go through. It's so frustrating because I'm not heavy enough to be included but I'm also not thin enough to be called skinny. *sighs*
I actually was shocked to hear from one of my leaders at work that she too had issues with Binge eating... until she met me. She said that I inspired her and she just stopped one day.
It was comforting to know that not only people out there in the wide world of the internet, but someone I KNOW PERSONALLY struggled with this as well.
I think I became aware of my binge eating a couple of years ago during my Second Serious Diet Attempt (this is how I define periods of my adult life). I realized that I would "sneak" food a lot and that I couldn't wait to get home and be on my own so that I could really let go. I would get so excited to go to the store and buy all of the things that I wanted and I would literally eat until I felt sick to my stomach. Bingeing seemed to be the only time I was feeling any joy which is probably why I couldn't stop.
It's helpful to know that I' not alone in this but it's been even more helpful for me to admit out loud that binge eating is something that I struggle with. I have had to completely cut sugar out of my diet just to get it out of my system and stop the cravings. I don't know that I'll ever be able to integrate it into my diet again and I'm terrified of what will happen if I slip up. Ugh.
I never really knew or understood the processes that went through my head when I went into "Zombie Mode," and afterward I would feel really guilty and ashamed of myself for losing control.
Now I understand that my out-of-control eating is a compulsive behavior. I wouldn't want to do it, didn't know why I was doing it, but didn't feel at peace until I did it. NOT binging was more difficult than just binging and getting it over with. If I didn't overeat, I would have to fight it all day (or as long as the opportunity was available).
I would even feel a panic when I would know I was going to be in an opportunity where junk/large quantities were available (going home to peanut butter, treat day at work, going to my parent's for dinner, going out to eat), because I wouldn't trust myself. The anxiety would be magnified when other people would be around who wouldn't eat as much as me.
The stress wasn't as bad heading over to my parents, because there are a few big eaters in my family, but around friends or strangers I would feel stressed out.
Hello, you must be me! I totally understand that anxiety. The thought of going to dinner with friends who were going to order grilled chicken and side salads was and being stuffed after 2 bites is always too hard to contemplate. I deal with it by going through a drive through right before I meet them, it calms me down and makes me feel full and satiated so that I don't have to feel panicky and hungry around them. I do this even before I come home to have dinner with my husband. It's disgusting.
I realized it when I went to therapy and was diagnosed with an eating disorder. Until that point I never thought anyone else did the crazy stuff I did. I still don't believe it somehow because I go into utter solitude when I binge and cut myself off from everyone I know in order to do it.
I grew up thinking that I was all alone in this. I found others on a forum like this in my early twenties and I actually cried. Knowing I wasn't alone was very "freeing". Relating to other people does a lot for the mind, body, and soul.
Reactions to not being "the only one"
