[RoyalAthena]

I am so out of control right now. I have done so well for the last 2 months, enough to lose 22 pounds. I was eating right and working out and then....I had a Dr appointment.

I am 6 years remission from parotid cancer. I had an appointment with my Oncologist. I don't know where I got the idea that after 5 years remission I could start getting my follow up tests (MRI/CT) every two years. I was so excited and then my Dr told me that I would have to still have all my tests annually forever. Then he starts telling my about the fact that I need to get blood work on a regualr basis. Also, I have to have more CTs for other areas of my body not just the head/neck area. And the facts about cancer... So now I have to have a CT on my head/neck, chest, abdomen and pelvis. I was so bumbed out I just want to be free. I am going through some rough times right now and thank God my parents pay my insurance, they wouldn't let me drop it.

I have all my tests next week. Since my appointment I have been eating and eating. I am up 4 pounds (some is water). I can't stop even though I know what I am doing to myself. I am the first person in my immediate family to have cancer and I have been so "strong". I don't want to be reminded every year for the rest of my life about this. I just want to be "over it". I'm crying now because I haven't told anyone this (I am typing it for the first time).

Anyway, I have the weekend free. The only thing I can think to do to reset my body and mind is to do a 24-36 hour fasting/prayer. That will get me back to water and kick my cravings. Thanks for letting me share. I really needed to get this out.

[Jenn79]

OMG I am so sorry. Maybe instaed of looking at it as an annual remind that you had cancer, look at it as an annual reminder that you BEAT cancer. An annual reminder of how strong you are both physically and mentally. A reminder of how incredibly strong you are.

I know it must be hard to change your mindset, but maybe turn it into a celebration. Saying "I beat cancer, I am strong, I will celebrate another year of being cancer free."

[dangerouscurvesahead]

dont think of it as a reminder think of it as a survivor! each yr is a yr youve gotten stronger, each yr is a gift from God! you are given each yr for a reason just enjoy it n take comfort in it! u r loved for who u r not what u had!

[DoingMyBest79]

Hang in there! I will pray for you!! And turn to God -- He knows exactly what you need, and how to comfort you!!

[RoyalAthena]

Thanks so much! Today is a new day. I am getting out of this doom-gloom. Fasting/prayer/clearing my mind! I guess I just needed to be reminded of the fact that I am a survivor. I think I had a mental breakdown because during the whole thing I had been "strong". People who were my support system were coming to me for support. And in my mind I thought "okay, I made it and now I can just coast." Well, now I am in my next phase. I will be fine, no M&Ms or cheddar jalepeno cheetos needed! Thanks again!!!

[kelijpa]

RoyalAthena, I'm proud of you, you reached out for support and proud of 3FC chicks for being there to support you.

My mom is a 21 year breast cancer survivor, there are many ups and downs, but it is important to celebrate your years as a survivor. It's such an accomplishment, you did everything you needed to do and you're an inspiration to others.

I didn't drink a lick of water today, for no other reason than being a crabby-pants today (DH laughed when I said that's what I was today) I don't know why sometimes I'm stubborn about that, it makes me feel so much better, anyway reading your post, I thought go drink your water, missy, so I am.

thanks

stay strong, we all deserve a little breakdown now and then, like the phoenix we're reborn stronger.

[kelleyb]

It's great that they want to monitor you! Just some extra "insurance!" Think about it like that. And, like others have said, remember that you are a survivor.

I hope your fasting gave you a chance to clear your head and get your control back. Hugs!