[KittyKatFan]

I have done pretty well with controlling my binges, but it all went horribly wrong a week ago. I am on my seventh day without a binge, but I feel the need to post what I ate last weekend for all to see. I'm terribly embarrassed and cannot tell anyone else, but since I'm anonymous here, I feel like I can disclose it here. I hope to come back to this post the next time I decide to do something stupid. The worst part of it is that my company's 13-week weight loss contest is over this week, and in spite of being good for nearly the entire time, I was too worried about what I had done to myself over the past weekend to weigh in this week

Saturday, July 28 - the worst thing is, I set my alarm for 6 am so I could go work out. Instead, I decided I just couldn't live without a cinnamon roll. So instead of heading to the gym, or even just going back to sleep to just stop myself, I got dressed and went to the local donut store. I got a big cinnamon roll, a filled custard bar covered in chocolate, a big cinnamon twist, a chocolate iced cake donut, a raspberry filled donut, and a chocolate glazed donut.

I couldn't even wait to get home to start eating. I pulled into the closest parking lot and had the cinnamon roll and chocolate custard filled donut.

I looked up and noticed a local fast food restaurant right next to me. I had always wanted to try their honey-butter chicken biscuit so I did. With a Diet Coke (diet Coke...how silly is that?). Ate the biscuit and went home.

A few hours later, I went to a local sandwich shop and got a regular size Philly Cheesesteak. I got it with BBQ chips and another silly diet drink. So proud I didn't eat the chips.

THAT SAME AFTERNOON, I went to a local Mexican place and got a carne guisada soft taco and a big, giant burrito stuffed with beef fajitas, rice, cheese and beans, and covered with gravy. And a Diet Coke. That burrito is huge, but I ate about 2/3 of it and the whole taco.

Dinner was Domino's. The large Extravagganza with triple cheese and double pepperoni. I only had two pieces. Of course, that's because I also ordered the stuffed cheesy bread and ate half of that. After eating one of their baked Philly sandwiches. No Diet Coke though...I opted for the fully-loaded deadly regular Coke. A 2-liter. Didn't drink it all. That night anyway.

Oh yeah - dessert was the rest of the donuts.

Sunday, July 29 -finished off nearly all of the remaining pizza, cheesy bread and Coke. Don't want food to go to waste, right? Then I went to the grocery store. while driving, I noticed I still had the chips from yesterday, so I polished most of them off. I bought healthy stuff for the following week. Along with more stuff for Sunday: six donuts, a pack of cinnamon rolls, and a slice of yellow cake with chocolate icing. Ate some of the donuts, and decided to just go pick up dinner then so I could come back home and prepare for work the next day. So I went to Jason's Deli and ordered the chicken Alfredo and the penne pasta with meatballs. I polished off most of the Alfredo, and even though I was full, I ate the meatballs and cheese off the penne. Later, I finished the cake and donuts. I was so stuffed that I didn't even bother with the cinnamon rolls, which I threw out.

What a nightmare. I was so fat and bloated the next day I could barely get out of bed. I just can't do this type of thing anymore, yet I am already wishing for my next one...

[bargoo]

Wow ! That is incredible, I don't know how your stomach could hold all that.
Put that behind you and move on, you do not have to repeat such self defeating behaviour.

[VioletDolphin83]

As far as I know binges occasionally happen to a lot of people while losing weight. The important thing is to not let it get you down and continue with your weight loss.

[rainydays]

Good for you for holding yourself accountable! Move on and don't look back!

[ravensglen3]

It takes bravery to come here and type it all out... Don't beat yourself up, just try to look forward-- plan your workouts this week, plan your meals, and let us know how it goes!

[Ladybug10]

Just remember the bloated feeling you got the next day. Usually remembering how my body reacts to binges helps me stop eating the bad stuff.

You're going to be ok. I have personally been on some pretty horrible binge days too. Dieting comes with ups and downs and the best way to get through the downs is to pick yourself up and keep on fighting.

I've had the honey butter biscuit breakfast. It is the devil.

[KittyKatFan]

Thanks. The good news is that I am back on plan, very solidly so. In fact, as I posted in the Weight Loss Support forum, I ran five miles for the first time ever this morning! And I turned down cake this afternoon.

Setting a 10-week challenge for myself really has helped me. I feel really motivated to do well. What will I do after 10 weeks? I don't know, but I will do my best to control myself.

I do write down how I feel after I have goofed up, but it doesn't seem to do much good. I still misbehave. I just have to focus on living day to day, and getting back on plan when I mess up. I think I have come to terms with the fact that I am not on a short-term diet that I can stop as soon as I reach my goal weight. The lifestyle change has to continue on forever. I will succeed. I don't want to die early, or worse, suffer through surgeries, disease, and long-term, chronic health conditions like my dad did.

[5yearscancerfree]

Thanks for your post about your binge. I know that it took great courage to speak out as you did, but I'm glad you did. For one, you have inspired others, (like me!) to have courage to face thier binging moments too and try to move on. Also, you have proven that just because you binged, it didn't stop you from achieving your goals - it actually helped to motivate you.

I too had a binge day today, one that seemed awful to me and made me feel worthless and angry at myself for not being stronger willed. Then I read your thread and I realized I wasn't the only one that had issues and troubles. Reading your info actually helped me to know I'm not the only one and it has motivated me to feel better about my mistake and move one to a better tomorrow.

My binge was brought on my work stress and being around too many idiots in a given day. Even though I had a yummy casserole planned, I chose to drive through Taco Bell and have not only the Crunch Wrap combo (XLG), but also to have 4 extra supreme tacos, to be washed down with an XLG Soda. BY the time I was finished, I felt like a beached whale with awful gas (TMI, sorry) and I was angry at myself. But now, I just realize I made a bad choice and I have to get back to better choices. Thanks for having the courage to share!

[ADL]

So far you've lost 127 lbs which takes AMAZING self discipline. Yea the binges suck but how often do they happen? I'm really proud of you for picking yourself up and continuing with your diet instead of having a defeatist attitude. Good Job!!

[theox]

Good for you for getting back on track!

I noticed you said you write down how you feel after a binge. Do you also review your binges after they're over to identify what you were thinking about and where you could make different choices if you find yourself in the middle of a binge again? I've found that trying to be aware of what I'm thinking helps me recognize distorted thoughts and make better decisions. Thinking about different ways to avoid or minimize the extent of bad eating decisions has helped me make ever better choices over time, as does recognizing when I've made "little" good decisions. Even though they're terrible in many ways, from a caloric perspective getting a diet soda, along with not eating the chips (and not finishing many of the things you bought) were good things you did for yourself in a way, by minimizing your overall caloric intake. These things have helped me; maybe they'll help you (although your ticker says you're doing pretty awesome anyway!)

[KittyKatFan]

Originally Posted by theox

Good for you for getting back on track!

I noticed you said you write down how you feel after a binge. Do you also review your binges after they're over to identify what you were thinking about and where you could make different choices if you find yourself in the middle of a binge again? I've found that trying to be aware of what I'm thinking helps me recognize distorted thoughts and make better decisions. Thinking about different ways to avoid or minimize the extent of bad eating decisions has helped me make ever better choices over time, as does recognizing when I've made "little" good decisions. Even though they're terrible in many ways, from a caloric perspective getting a diet soda, along with not eating the chips (and not finishing many of the things you bought) were good things you did for yourself in a way, by minimizing your overall caloric intake. These things have helped me; maybe they'll help you (although your ticker says you're doing pretty awesome anyway!)

Thanks everyone. In the 13 months I have been doing this, I have tried to limit myself to one special meal every 8 weeks or so. And I have done ok at that, but I have struggled with vacations - my mind tells me to just let go, then I feel guilty. I have done decently on my last two trips and am going to say in a hotel with a kitchen for a short weekend trip at the end of next month, but I am taking long vacations out of the country in Nov and Dec and am worried, even though I do well with exercise on these trips. And I typically get right back to plan on the Monday I return (I usually get back Sundays).

But I have had a couple of days where it was an all-day binge fest that lasted the whole day or even the whole weekend, with the last ones coming within two weeks of each other. That is what I have to avoid. Once every couple of months, while not healthy, won't destroy things, but 2-3X/month will.

I have thought about how I could have avoided the binges, which brings me to the realization that the best thing for me is to set limits on how often I binge. I know the physically and mentally healthy thing would be to avoid binges altogether. But I haven't yet shown that I can do that. But I have shown the willpower to fight the feelings and at least limit the frequency. So that is what I am trying to do.

[theox]

That's great! Do you also ever find yourself in the middle of a binge and recognize when you have a choice either to stop outright or make a "better" bad choice?

[KittyKatFan]

No, if I have reached the point where I am actually stuffing food in my face, that's it. There is no turning back...

[theox]

Why not? It looks like you made some good decisions during the binge you posted about.