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Made myself sick last night....

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Old 02-19-2012, 12:57 PM   #1
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Default Made myself sick last night....

I am sick of the days/nights that I binge. I know I am 100% accountable for my own actions, and I know I binge when I'm tired, upset, mad, etc, etc, etc.

Last night I was exhausted. Kids had sleepover here the night before so I didn't sleep well, then some family came over in the afternoon and stayed until the kids went to bed. So I was done. I was tired and just feeling blah. I ate 1/2 bag of cheesies, a hot cross bun, and a handful of chocolate chips. I went to bed about 1/2 hour after that. I woke up about an hour later with the worst acid reflux I have ever had. I was nauseated I felt like I was going to puke. My whole chest burned and I kept burping up chunks of food (GROSS!). I got so scared because of how much it hurt that I threw myself into a full blown panic attack. Thankfully I managed to just do some deep breathing to pull myself out of the panic attack. I propped my head up with a bunch of pillows and managed to go back to sleep thankfully.

Of course I woke up this morning and low and behind I am up another 1 1/2 lbs. I am so disappointed in myself. I know I have some mental issues that I need to work on that I won't bore you all with. But they all relate to why I think I'm not worthy of weight loss or why there's a tiny part of me that doesn't want to be thin and more attractive. You can imagine why. I know I need to find another hobby in the evening other than binge eating. But at the time that I want to binge, all of those positive thoughts fly right out the window and I just don't care.

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Old 02-19-2012, 02:19 PM   #2
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Hmm, would it be possible to just not buy that food? I find that I have a pretty good resolve when shopping but it melts away once the food enters my home. So when I shop I check out things I like and if it's too expensive calorie-wise I think, "Yeah, like I'd stop after one serving..." and put it back.

You can do this, you just gotta find tricks that work.
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Old 02-19-2012, 02:56 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadya View Post
Hmm, would it be possible to just not buy that food? I find that I have a pretty good resolve when shopping but it melts away once the food enters my home. So when I shop I check out things I like and if it's too expensive calorie-wise I think, "Yeah, like I'd stop after one serving..." and put it back.

You can do this, you just gotta find tricks that work.
I do the same thing. If I know for sure that I wont stop after one serving I pass it up, no matter how much I love it lol.

To babygrant, It sounds like the first step should be working on believing that you DESERVE to be healthy. We are our own worst enemies and conversely we are the only ones who can kick our butts into gear. It begins within. You deserve this, you are worth it. We can sit here and tell you this, but until you believe it for yourself, it's a losing battle.
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Old 02-19-2012, 02:58 PM   #4
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If you are unable to not buy the food, could you possibly make it a pain in the butt to get to? A locked cupboard with a key that is on the other side of the house? That would give you time to be like HEY STOP IT as you are walking to get the key as opposed to just reaching into the cupboard to get it (I find myself having to give myself mini lectures ALL the time and it works).

I am an evening snacker. I can eat great all day, but when evening comes I used to eat half the house (all being junk food!)... Now, whenever its the evening and I want to eat crummy food, I come onto this site and just search around, talk in threads, look at goal pictures. If I still NEED something, I make popcorn. I always have popcorn on hand.
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Old 02-19-2012, 04:53 PM   #5
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Buy only healthy food. You are raising kids, so you will teach them to feed well, and at the same time contribute to your own wellbeing. You can do it!
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Old 02-20-2012, 05:07 PM   #6
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So sorry you had a bad night - I remember too many times in my adult life where I ate myself sick - such a horrible feeling, mentally and physically. I agree with others, for me, I just can't have junk in the house (it's that "see-food diet" thing) - I even had to purge my kitchen of such treasures like brown sugar, honey and peanut butter, because I would binge on them. It sucks when I want to actually bake something (hah!) but I don't binge on them anymore!

Just know that you're not alone. Take a deep breath and try to do better. I don't have kids, and DH will eat, or not eat, whatever I buy - so it's easier for me to keep triggers out of the house. It really has been the best strategy for me. Now when I do binge, I have to go to the grocery store or out to a restaurant and my binges, though not completely gone, are not as severe. I think that "pause" moment of having to go somewhere to get the binge food is good for me - I've even successfully turned the car around and come home a few times after giving myself those 10 minutes of contemplation it takes to get to the store.

Just remember that you do care and even if you slip-up, it doesn't mean that you can't get back on track.
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