Never Ending Cycle
I was almost there.
It took me over a year to slowly lose 30 pounds- down to a healthy 134.5 that I was beginning to feel happy and confident at. I bought a whole new wardrobe of size 6 clothes, and was ready to commit to eating well and moving to maintain the loss. Getting down to 130 would be nice, but I was in no rush to lose the last 5lbs.
Then TOM struck, and I binged, and how. I'm talking upwards of 4,000 calories a day. A rejection from my top choice phd program only compounded the problem, and I just ate and ate and ate.
I'm at 138.5 right now, post water weight on the scale. I KNOW it is not the worst number I could see, but it is a very scary reminder of a 50lb regain that occurred the last time I made it to goal. It was the same pattern, a personal issue just turned a switch on, and I binged my way back to almost 200lbs. It is just scary to see how quickly I can do all my hard work, I know my body, and it will take at least a month to lose the weight healthily.
A history of ED's and yoyo dieting has made me wary of dismissing this as "just a 4lb regain," but at the same time I'm fighting my inherent to severely restrict until I get to my goal weight- I know from experience that will only lead to an ever greater regain.
I'm looking for support I guess, maybe a nudge in the right direction, it's hard not to be frustrated. My weight loss has been much commented upon by my friends and family, and a creeping gain would definitely be something they would notice as well, and that embarrasses me.